I ran out of toilet paper last week and can't afford to buy more till I get paid next week, so I started using the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in......
......... The Times are really Rough!!!
I've just come to the realisation that in a way a baker is technically also a parent...
Because their raisin bread.
The detective shuddered when he realised the weapons from each crime scene were the same weight
They weren't just chasing a serial killer, they were chasing a mass murderer
Just realised it’s Pancake Day....
I realised I was dyslexic when I...
went to a toga party dressed as a goat.
You do realise that Vampires aren't real...
Unless you Count Dracula.
I realised I was the poor kid at school...
....when I was the only one who turned up to band practice with a shoe horn.
What did the Captain of the Evergreen Cargo ship say when he realised he'd messed up?
When we arrived at the playground, I realised my son secretly brought the cat with him. I was about to be angry at him...
...but then I decided to let it slide.
After mathematicians wondered for many years about the rational numbers, they realised there's more!
I broke up with my boyfriend because I realised he’s a communist
Now that I look back, there were a lot of red flags
Scientists have realised that trees have a way of communicating with each other...
I bought a record at the charity shop the other day, "Sounds That Wasps Make". I took it home and it sounded nothing like Wasps.
That's when I realised I was playing the Bee side.
The man was finally about to escape prison when he realised he forgot something. He ran back and grabbed acne cream. Why?
A pirate walks into a bar and the barman says "do you realise that you have a steering wheel down your pants"
The Pirate replies aaarrr it's driving me nuts
When you realise that the shovel was literally a groundbreaking invention
Two bananas married without realising they were from the same tree.
They really split over it. It was a really slippery ordeal and peeled them apart.
Locked out
This woman is driving to the shops, She stops, gets out of her car, and goes to buy a newspaper.
When she gets back to her car, she realises that she has locked herself out of the car, and the keys are still inside !
She was just starting to panic, when an army truck pulls up, and asks her is she has a problem. She explains that she's locked her keys inside, and can't get in to continue her journey.
One of the squaddies then jumps down from the truck, and start rubbing his leg against the side of the car, and after a few seconds - ping - the door is open !!
She is amazed at this, and asks the squaddie how he did it.
He said,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"It's because I'm wearing my khaki trousers"
Finally realised these "gym" boards are not going to work out.
As my wife gazes at our son, I realise we are polar opposites ...
She's thinking: I want another boy...
And I'm thinking: Boy, you want another...
This morning, after a long night of binging, I got out of bed and looked in the mirror. I saw my haggard, worn-out body and overcome with emotion I realised that for the sake of my family I had to quit cold turkey.
I just realised something
Nothing actually starts with an N and ends with a G.
The moment I realise I lost my voice __________
My girlfriend and I just realised we’re into the same 90’s pop bands
I used to buy lottery tickets every week....
.....until I realised you could watch it on T.V. for nothing.
Took too long to realise
A ball is just a roll model.
Microsoft has shut down Internet Explorer today.
It is still gonna take a few years to realise that.
I got an vinyl album of wasp sounds the other day. Played it, didn’t sound anything like wasps!
Then I realised I was playing the bee side.
I didn't realise it was almost sunrise
But then it dawned on me.
I was painting my room with my brother....
....when I realised. He's not a very good brush.
While my kids were colouring with markers I fell asleep on the couch. The little buggers thought it would be funny to draw all over my face to make me look like "the devil". I woke up and went to the grocery store to do our weekly shopping & didn't realise what had happened until I got home.
I bought 10 bees in the store last week but when i got home i realised I actually had 11
I guess one was a free-bee
So, I was on the train the other day, and you know how it takes a while to get to the city, well my phone battery was flat and I didn't have a book, so I was a bit bored, but then I realised that there is all this cool graffiti on the tunnel walls... and um... so my phone was dead... and.. the city?
Oh darn it! I lost my train of thought.
how do you not realise you should stop after one twist
I just realised
Military barbers shave their privates
Thinking about selling my crab so i could make money. Then i realised "am i really this shellfish"?
I was about to make a pun about Planes but then i realised it would never take off
If you've seen this pun before i didn't copy it, it is Just an easy pun to think of.
I hate it when I see an old person...
....and realise we went to school together.
My wife gave birth to our baby boy otw to the hospital...
I realised jokes without punchline are funnier
My local church recently held a masquerade themed dinner and whilst the priest was saying grace I suddenly realised...
It was a blessing in disguise.
Couldn't understand why my dog was totally motionless....
Then I realised, it was on paws.
I saw a beautiful drawing of a fig last week and I just realised why I haven't been able to stop thinking about it,
It was a fig meant for my imagination.
What do you call someone who doesn’t fart in public?
The man was finally about to escape prison when he realised he forgot something. He ran back and grabbed acne cream. Why?
I got an vinyl album of wasp sounds the other day. Played it, didn’t sound anything like wasps!
Then I realised I was playing the bee side.
I realised I was dyslexic when I attended a toga party
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