Real Deal Puns

It wasn’t the real deal but it was par-ish

High.

This is a real deal "joke" from my dad today. The first retail mj store just opened in his town. He's 60.

I work for a real estate website and today I was dealing with a listing that had more bathrooms than bedrooms:

Me: This house has 3 bedrooms and 5 bathrooms. I always think those are really weird.

Boss: You know what kind of people those houses are for, right?

Me: ... No?

Boss: People that are always... ON THE GO! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Me: Heh

Boss: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

As I'm sure many of you can remember (or not), senior prom was one of the most exciting events of our pre-real world existence. However, in order to get to the actual event, there were three significant steps that needed to be taken care of:

1. Sober up enough before actually getting to the venue
2. Find a date who wasn't even weirder than you were
3. Rent a tuxedo This last part posed quite a bit of a problem to me, mostly because tuxedos can be very expensive to come by. Luckily enough for me, a local formalwear shop had a great deal going on; they would give you massive discounts and even hefty prizes for referring as many of your friends as possible to their business. Eager as I was to save a few bucks, I proceeded to text everyone in my phone's contact list. Almost every one of them neglected to respond to my pitiful pleas of financial assistance, not wanting to get caught up in this scam that I myself had meandered into. Finally, my token black friend, Malik, unwillingly took my bait. He tentatively responded, asking more about what he could get out of the deal for himself. After much persistence on my part, he finally declined, trying his best to let me down gently. As my poor little heart finally broke completely in two, I decided to alleviate the social tension, replying to him, "Alright man, well, suit yourself."

Chatting with my friend.

Me: Did i tell you about my friend who's an exterminator?

Friend: No

Me: Yeah he's not really a proper one though, he only deals with like bee and wasp hives.

Friend: Oh right, cool

Me: Yeah I don't really like hanging out with him much though, he's a real buzz killer.