I like raspberries

They’re my jam

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
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Bought a Raspberry Bomb pudding for Xmas. Close to sell by date.

Better eat it before it goes off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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An ice cream man was found unconscious in his van today, covered in chocolate sprinkles, hundreds and thousands, raspberry sauce, caramel & nuts.

Police believe he tried to top himself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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If the Raspberry Pi foundation teamed up with Apple

they could create a micro computer called Apple Pi.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theemptyqueue
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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My mum was putting away a container of raspberries and remarked that is was leaking

I said "Maybe you should put it in the vegetable drawer"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StefDraws69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
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Raspberry preserves

That's my jam.

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πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
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Me: can I have a Dr Pepper with cream and raspberry?

Soda guy: sure! Do you want raspberry purΓ©e or raspberry syrup?

My wife: raspberry purΓ©e. The kind you find at a second hand store.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HoodooSquad
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2018
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We bought some raspberries the other day...

I studied the box and noted, "Grown in Victoria." (The state we live in.)

Dad, who was next to me, said, "That's a bit rude."

"What?"

"Must have been uncomfortable for Victoria."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FellowHooman
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2018
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My family didn't have the appetite for my dessert puns. Please to enjoy!

Did you hear about the red-headed cookie that broke it’s leg?

Gingersnap


Did you hear about the cookie that quietly laughs at other cookies’ drawings?

Snickerdoodle


Did you hear about the dessert that got cast in the bakery’s reboot of Indiana Jones: The Temple of Doom?

Shortbread


Did you hear about the friends the zombies are making in heaven?

Angel food


Did you hear about the Mushroom Kingdom princess that abdicated the throne to pursue the shoe repair trade?

Peach cobbler


Did you hear about the 49th state in the Union legalizing recreational marijuana?

Baked Alaska


Did you hear about the Bavarian teacher that filled up her blackboard every day?

German chocolate


Did you hear about the hip New York hotspots for citrus fruits?

Lemon bars


Did you hear about the mother's sister that really likes her nieces and nephews?

Fondant


Did you hear about people wagering money on a boxing match in the Arctic between a heavyweight champ and raspberries?

Sherbet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fyrefrog25
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
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Someone went to journalism school for this
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PharmSystem
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2018
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Nobody moves! This is a
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spllash01
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
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Happy pi(e) day everyone!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AristonD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
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Fruit truck crashes...(X-post from /r/funny)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whisker_Biscuits
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2013
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Dad was going to the store and i asked him to grab me some Busch...

Anyways, if anyone needs raspberries, i've got a bush now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dancedude247
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
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I don't like traffic jams.

I much prefer strawberry or raspberry.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
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This conversation between my (ex)gf.

Long post is long:

Her: Remember dad's tomato bushes? Well they're attacking! At least one is leaning across the path trying to get at my window... We had the war of the roses, now its time for the attack of the tomatoes!

Me: I don't remember anything about tomato bushes. From one battle to the next.

Her: Yep! Lookout tomatoes here comes the chutney recipe!

Me: I can just imagine a cucumber campaign. Operation onion would be next, which will fail, causing everyone to cry. Dill Day follows, a great success for the allied gardeners. All too soon though, the kamikaze carrots set in, utterly ruining the radish raid. The mushroom maneuver is employed, saving the troops, allowing them to deal the final blow in the asparagus assault!

Her: Don't forget the pumpkins want to supply ground cover with heavy support...

Me: Ah yes, the pumpkin paratroopers.

Her: Thyme is running out...

Me: Prepare the beetroot bombs!!!

Her: Aim for Potato Garden!

Me: Fire the capsicum! Deploy the celery team!

Her: Bring in the egg plant division to support the capsicum!

Me: This is it boys, life or dirt! I want a passionfruit unit to find us a vantage point, and the strawberry unit to surround them!

Her: We had better bring the lettuce up to date!

Me: The cabbage are under withering fire, we need support from the raspberry division! The potatoes are mashed, so well need to send the zucchini in their place!

Her: The zucchini can't take that heavy fire, they'll be grated. Send spinach for some extra iron. The sweet potatoes are digging in at the ridge.

Me: Prepare the watermelon bomb, we need to finish this! The eggplant were squashed, deploy the broccoli brigade! The beans need to get out of there, or they'll be split!

Her: Cauliflowers are going in to retrieve the beans. How brave to risk their florets!

The corn commandos are deployed, but the artichokes are all out of heart, we need to boost morale.

Me: The leeks are down! They'll be flattened if we don't do something!

Are the spinach still operational?

Her: Too bad the pepper isn't on our side, they're well seasoned troops.

Spinach is a go!
Nothing has touched it...

Me: But wait! We still have the chillies to give them heavy fire!

Her: And the squashes and peas!

Me: The ginger is holding it's ground, but it's being cut down by the pineapple!

The basil should make things interesting, send them to aid the potatoes.

**Her:

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zokoro
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2017
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Got a defetead sigh from my son and a nod of approval from a fellow dad.

Was waiting in line at the consession stands to buy popcorn and a drink.

Me, "What do you want son?"
Son, "Can I get a large popcorn and an raspberry Icee?"
Me in a very contemplative tone, "You want an Icee, hmm, I see"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deathlui
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2015
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Breakfast with Dad

I was eating breakfast with my parents at a hotel. It was a buffet style one. We were towards the end of the meal when this happened.

Dad: Did you see all the juices they had over there?

Me: Yeah, I went for orange.

Mom: Oooh do they have Passion Fruit and Guava juice? We could mix them and make POG.

Me: Nah, they had Cranberry, Orange, Apple, and Lemonade though; you could make COAL.

Dad: It's a good thing they didn't have Cranberry, Raspberry, Apple, and Pineapple. (He was already laughing at his own joke getting the last word out) ...Do you get it? (now in uncontrollable laughter)

Me: I could smell that one coming when you started it.

Mom groaned and pretended not to know us.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sekswalrus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2013
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