I am thinking of pursuing a career in crowd estimation.

I wonder how many people are in that field.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Gotta be a lawyer pursuing rap

Call myself the bar inspector

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lilchange13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
With NASA pursuing the hotter Venus

Mars is left feeling cold.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My son told me that he is pursuing dentistry as a career

I told him, "But son, that career path will take you years!"

"First you have to take dentist 1, then dentist 2, all before you get to dentist 3!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaLAWndi
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the spider pursuing a career in IT?

He’s a natural web developer

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Souplorde
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
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As a private investigator, I'm pursuing a con man by tracing his stream of impoverished victims...

Yes, he left a pauper trail.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
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I've been pursuing my dreams for so long now.

Maybe I'm just not tired.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
🚨︎ report
I recently pursued my dream career of becoming a very successful plagiarizer.

I tried, but I didn't make it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the obstetrician pursue a career in standup?

Because he was so good at deliveries

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rayzon1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife left her position as a Geologist to pursue her dream as a tennis coach...

...She went from studying faults to double-faults.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Last year, my friend told me he’s quitting his job to pursue a miming career.

I haven’t heard from him since.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
🚨︎ report
My parents strongly discouraged me to pursue a career in archaeology

They said there is no future in it.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tim6023
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My family didn't have the appetite for my dessert puns. Please to enjoy!

Did you hear about the red-headed cookie that broke it’s leg?

Gingersnap


Did you hear about the cookie that quietly laughs at other cookies’ drawings?

Snickerdoodle


Did you hear about the dessert that got cast in the bakery’s reboot of Indiana Jones: The Temple of Doom?

Shortbread


Did you hear about the friends the zombies are making in heaven?

Angel food


Did you hear about the Mushroom Kingdom princess that abdicated the throne to pursue the shoe repair trade?

Peach cobbler


Did you hear about the 49th state in the Union legalizing recreational marijuana?

Baked Alaska


Did you hear about the Bavarian teacher that filled up her blackboard every day?

German chocolate


Did you hear about the hip New York hotspots for citrus fruits?

Lemon bars


Did you hear about the mother's sister that really likes her nieces and nephews?

Fondant


Did you hear about people wagering money on a boxing match in the Arctic between a heavyweight champ and raspberries?

Sherbet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fyrefrog25
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
If a non-college teacher has sexual relations with a student, then they pursued a minor in education.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Morighant
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2018
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I always wanted to pursue a career as a barista

...but I didn’t think I could handle the daily grind.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KubaKomorebi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the end of one sentence not pursue a relationship with the start of the next sentence?

Because there was a language barrier.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2018
🚨︎ report
After spending 20 years as a Lawyer, Dad finally retired to pursue his dream of providing Dental Care to the needy...

He calls it The Tooth, the Whole Tooth, and Nothing but the Tooth.

So help me Gauze.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cinnamonico
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2017
🚨︎ report
Why did the farmer quit his job to pursue a music career?

He was tired of Hallin Oates.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mustachereviews
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2016
🚨︎ report
Why are Police Dogs so good at their jobs?

Because they’re always pursuing leads.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maaatandblah
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Son, I gotta tell ya, I've done some deep thinking and I've realized it's high time I quit my job and finally pursue my dream. I'm going to open a museum that commemorates the extensive and fascinating history of beverages.

I'm calling it The Gluggenheim

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wstopak
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2017
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a Stalker and a Private Investigator?

The Private Investigator get's paid, and the stalker is pursuing his passion.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaskedForGas
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Got my wife twice while talking about our dog

My wife just finished eating some eggo waffles and the dog came in and immediately started licking the syrup off her hands

Her: the dog didn't even see me eat yet he ran straight over to me and began licking my hands.

Me: Yeah, it's like he nose

Her (trying to come up with something to out do my joke): That was quite the paw-n

Me: Was that supposed to be a joke, because it sounded like a faux-paw

πŸ‘︎ 474
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πŸ‘€︎ u/krigito
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2015
🚨︎ report
What's longer than forever?

Fivever.


Thanks for all the upvotes! This is an original, so thanks to you guys I'm quitting my job and leaving my family to pursue a career in comedy! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJy234H5YDlFASQfx6mLWLg

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/k-smackerel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2015
🚨︎ report
The man who saved Reddit

In the not too distant future, web censorship is pervasive; speech and freedom are strangers to one another; while pirates sail the seas with impunity, digital pirates are incarcerated by the busload.

Anyone who speaks out against this ban on open-dialogue or the free-sharing-of-ideas is ground down and hidden away, and the resistance is loosing its will.

A small group of contributors to reddit, huddled together in a bunker beneath barely-waving flags of Snoo, worked tirelessly to repost new ideas from around the internet, to release ideas from their chains, and make speech free ... again!

But it was not to be - a gang of the governments anti-piracy enforcers descended on this, the last bastion of humankind's will to share-freely. Arriving in an armored bus, ten shock-troopers breached the bunker and it looked like the day was lost.

Fortunately for us all, one brave redditor led the collective out a back entrance and they circled to the driveway. This leader told the other redditors to wait in the bushes while he overpowered the one soldier left guarding the transport. There was a flash of movement, a crack from a fallen branch as it struck the guard, and then, stolen keys in hand, the hero revved the engine and told the redditors to pile in.

He had to will himself ignore the gas gauge as he floored the accelerator on the 25,000 pound ticket to freedom - there was only survival or defeat, and nothing in between. Sirens came alive behind him as he rushed for the border to the promised land, to the Free-North.

As the engine begins to cough, the titanic weight of the transport cleaves the barricades asunder and the pursuing vehichles have to hard-brake to avoid skidding beyond their corrupt jurisdiction. Both exhausted and elated, the redditors follow their hero to the freedom promised by their new surroundings ... but their peril is not yet passed.

Though most of the pirate-hunters glower from the south-side of the border, one special agent has crossed over and is speaking with the border guards. The tension is thick. A long-faced guard turns to the newcomers, clearly troubled by what he must do.

"Folks," he says, a pained look on his kindly face, "I'm sorry, to do this, don't cha' know, but I got no choice, eh!"

Confused, the redditors look to one another, and tremble as they notice the agent's smug expression, greedy eyes fixed on the leader of the exodus.

"Look here, now, you are all welcome here, of course, and since speech is free here, we are

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Understanding Disney Villains

I really think Disney Villains are misunderstood. You have to respect how they pursue their passions. They usually have henchmen or β€œemployees” so I’m guessing there’s a compensation system in place and they are managing a budget to fund all their evil campaigns. And what business model did they have to follow? Was there an Ursula before Ursula? I don’t think so. These villains are business visionaries and they deserve such respect.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sesmith420
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Two men were having a contest..

The Englishman and Cowboy were tied in a contest of who was better, when the crowd decided that, as a tie breaker, they were to perform a live poem and incorporate the words "Hunting" and "Timbuktu."

The Englishman went first:

"The hunting is always grand, When in search of good land. Off in the caravan we pursue, Looking, for Timbuktu."

The crowd went wild, knowing that the cowboy couldn't win the contest, the Englishmans poem was just too good. He smiled as well, and stood aside for the cowboy.

The cowboy paused for a moment as if remembering something, then recited:

"Well it was Tim and I, off huntin we went, When I spied three women in a tent. I motioned to Tim, and he saw them too, Then I bucked one, and Timbuktu."

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2018
🚨︎ report
This guy’s walking home from work, really late, in the pitch black of night...

There isn’t another soul on the street.

Suddenly, from out of the gloom, comes an ominous bump...bump…bump.

He looks behind him and spots a furtive, shadowy thing coming down the street after him.

Unnerved, he picks up his pace, finally breaking into a panicked run.

He looks behind him again, and the shadow is closer.

Bump…bump…bump.

The glow of a streetlight illuminates the shadow momentarily, and, to the man’s horror, it is a coffin, bumping down the sidewalk.

He quickens his pace, running as fast as he can go, but the coffin only pursues more quickly.

BUMP…BUMP…BUMP!

He reaches his house, fumbles frantically for his keys, and slips in the door just as the coffin reaches his front steps.

He slams the door and leans against it, catching his breath.

Bump…bump…bump.

There is a moment’s silence, and the man wonders if he dares to breathe.

Suddenly…. Bump…bump…bump…Bump…

BUMP! BUMP!

BUMPBUMPBUMPCRAAAAASH!!!!

He rebounds away as the door breaks off its hinges.

Scrambling to his feet, he charges up the stairs, and the coffin races after.

BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP!

Terrified, he backs into a corner and starts throwing everything within reach at the coffin β€” a handful of papers, a vase, a box of crackers, a lamp β€” but the coffin keeps coming!

BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP INCHESFROMHISFACE, and nothing seems to slow it down!

His hands fall upon a bottle of cough syrup, and he throws that at the coffin, too!

The coffin stops.

πŸ‘︎ 207
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2016
🚨︎ report
Travelling Abroad

I've been China get a job in Asia to pursue my teaching Korea but I hear the pay is Laosy and I don't want money Thaiing me down.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tritty_kutz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2015
🚨︎ report
I'm making dad jokes, and I'm only 17...

In regards to how to pursue a girl, a friend said, "I just don't know what angle to take." To which I replied: "A 90 degree. It's always right"

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vicepresidentjp
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2013
🚨︎ report
I am thinking of pursuing a job as a crowd estimator.

I wonder how many people are in that field.

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m thinking about pursuing a job as a crowd estimator.

I wonder how many people are in that field.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Last year, my friend told me he’s quitting his job to pursue a miming career.

I haven’t heard from him since.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Teaching Abroad in Asia

I've been China get a job to pursue my teaching Korea but I'm willing Tibet the pay is Laos-y and I don't wan't money Thai-ing me down.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tritty_kutz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2015
🚨︎ report

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