Doctor to patient do you smoke?
Patient: yes.
Doctor: marijuana, cigarettes, cigars, Vapes?
Patient: mostly brisket, and pork.
Did you hear about the punctuation competition?
The winner got an apostrophe.
How about a punctuation joke?
Did you hear about the apocalyptic punctuation mark?
My neighbour said he'd look after my dog if I accepted the fact that he's currently dating a punctuation mark.
I wrote a book about my love of punctuation.
Proper punctuation can make a difference
Anyone found using incorrect punctuation should be punished...
...with a lengthy sentence.
What does punctuation use to smell good?
The hardest part on talking about punctuation
Doctor: I'm sorry, but I had to remove your colon
Sorry if this breaks the rules but, please cheer up my dad! He's a punctuation expert who is recovering from surgery. He just had half of his lower digestive system removed. It would really cheer him up if you could comment with his favorite punctuation mark:
I have an alphabet grenade
if that goes off it could spell disaster
Punctuation counts.
When to use a hyphen:
The test asked, "What is the capitol of Florida?"
I wrote, "F".
When I got my test back I learned:
Apparently, the answer was "F - ".
Which piece of punctuation is usually a result of bowel cancer?
Two punctuation marks walk into a bar.
One of them was accommodating.
Edit: Thanks to u/hydr0n1um who is more dad than I.
I’m giving up drinking till Christmas.
Sorry, forgot punctuation.
I’m giving up. Drinking till Christmas.
Does anyone else get turned on by certain punctuation?
The Hindus wrote a book on it, the Comma Sutra.
i’m giving up masturbating for an entire month
sorry, poor punctuation.
i’m giving up! masturbating for an entire month.
A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period.
It marks the end of his sentence
I won first prize in the National Punctuation Society contest...
So they gave me a posh trophy.
My boss has been on my case for my unusual use of punctuation, but as far as I'm concerned, it's my asterisk.
They finally caught the guy who never uses any punctuation
He's serving a lifelong sentence.
Punctuation changes a sentence
For example:
I drank all the wine.
I drank all the punctuation.
Maybe it’s my lack of punctuation.
I won the punctuation competition when I was at school.
The prize was a solid gold punctuation mark.
They gave me a posh trophy.
Recently, Oxford has been cracking down on the proper use of punctuation.
Honestly, I'm entirely on board with this. This has be-comma issue within the community.
What does a punctuation mark get from a gastroenterologist?
Came out backwords / at a loss for words / just one big bowl of soup / proper punctuation: the colon / man,ure on a roll / just stirring the pot / poo-lease stop / can't. IOU potty humor / Y you say that? / It's fun, butt OK - mind my P's and Q's - I'll put lid on it
I'm having a fling with a certain type of punctuation.
Punctuations are very important in my family.
All hell broke loose when big sister missed two periods.
People who do not use punctuation deserve a long sentence
A statement without punctuation
What do you call camouflaged punctuation?
Punctuation is everything: "Will you marry me" is a marriage proposal
"Will, you, Mary, Me" = a Foursome Inquiry
Watt is the unit of power
Punctuate the title however you like.
Why did Stalin only write in lowercase?
He was afraid of capitalism.
Egalitarian Punctuation
I work in IT at a university, and I was requested to update a template email my office sends out to prospective students. Whenever I start an email, I always begin with the salutation "Hello [student name]. With a full stop period.
Among the other changes requested, folk wanted me to change the period to a comma, because it "looks better" or something. I don't know.
After a bit of back and forth, I gave in and said "Fine. I'll give in to your filthy comma-unist ways." Many groans were had all around the office.
What is a prisoners favorite punctuation?
A period.
Why?
Because it marks the end of a sentence.
Doctor: I'm afraid we've had to remove your colon
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