is a misteak.
It went off without a hitch.
A booffalo.
New guy: That sounds like bullshit.
Farmer: Yes, exactly.
"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."
"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."
It was stolen from right under my nose.
I just cant put it down
I don’t understand. Don’t people take their pets to the vet to get fixed all the time?
... but unfortunately nothing that jumped out at me.
Because in two years we will have 2022
I take it with a pinch of sugar.
Because it is not time yet.
He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly...
I play dnd and my bard is very annoyed, that our party's druid, who is an earth genasi (appearance was described as a living statue)) won't give anyone his name.
So my bard will only address them with rock based puns until they properly introduce themselves.
That's not my cup of tea.
EDIT: *Metal.
Because it is proper-tea
I look him dead in the eye and say, "What a Pacific example you just gave"
He said “He’s delighted to be the bo selecta”
Because he didn't see that well!
I guess you could say it's a dying art.
Would be great if I had a punchline to go with that though, wooden tit?
It was a reel bad situation.
[cetacean needed]
it's what it's
He just doesn't agree with me. I think he is a very mean person.
It's because he disliked capitalism.
He was just winging it
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit ➡I keep getting all these virus emails.
He’s an imi-tater...
Because proper tea is theft.
With a finger ring
A master so-smalier.
I’ve never had a garbanzo bean on my face
So I had to ground him. He’s doing better currently, and now conducting himself properly.
So I had to ground him. He's doing better currently, and conducting himself properly.
Because proper tea is theft.
