So, I took her to the planetarium.
"Finally," she said when I arrived, "you're late."
I haven't touched a job since.
It's tomorrow!
“Good” he said, “because I’m counting on you”.
He said they're all confidental
Now she's just waffling.
It was the very first pyramid scheme.
I pre-tended.
Him: No, I told you I’ll be home by a quarter of twelve.
So I went home for the hollandaise
So I brought her a mole hill and made a really big deal out of it.
It's been three years since then, and I have no idea where he is
Dont believe me? Just watch.
Remind them that today is
24/7
Hopefully it'll be a dry hump day.
It's my New Year's Resolution.
In essence, Jesus is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.
The plumber told me.
Now I’m two hours late and I don’t even like Jim Carey
I de-liver
I guess you can say I butchered my grades.
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
6 couldn't believe it. 7 had finally gone off the deep end. 7 had long offended 6. A repeat 6 offender if you will. But this was unforgivable. 9 was his best friend. How could he do this to his best friend? How could it be that 7 ate 9?
6, filled with fury, called his friends 2 and 4. They would get even. 10 was the best friend of 7 you see. 2, 4 and 6 ate 10 to get even. They then began plotting further revenge, but 7 acted first. He gathered 1, 3 and 5 together to take down 6.
Realizing that the odds were against them, 2, 4 and 6 retreated. Their only option was to turn to 12 who had twice the resources 6 had. 7 couldn't follow.
12 quickly called 3 to find out what the root of 7's attack on 9. 3 wasn't sure. He had only supported 7 because of a long standing friendship. But 3 promised to get to the root cause.
Meanwhile, 7's scheming was not yet done. 12 was powerful, but there was one who could reverse his decision to harbor 6. If he could just convince 21, nicknamed blackjack, to reverse 12's decision, it would all be over.
Three times 7 went to 21's compound. On the third try he was able to get through. After explaining that 6 had masterminded the elimination of 10, a grand meeting of the numbers was called.
Both 6 and 7 argued over the whole thing. 13 had the unlucky task of adjudicating the meeting. Each time 13 made an argument, 6 and 7 would add to it by shouting over each other.
Finally, 21 had had enough. "7, why did you eat 9"
7 responded "I just wanted to get 3 square meals." 21 had 7 eliminated for initiating the battle and 6 jailed for masterminding 10's death. And the war was over.
"Me too! I have my fingers crossed!"
She’s dead and berried.
You know what an eight year old would be most sad about if he or she lost their pinky?
Not being able to make pinky promises.
For the next ten years, I'll be paying off my student loins.
I have contacts.
She looked lovingly at me, eyes welling with tears as I continued, "And today is the day!"
I am a bit proud of what I achieved today. I promise that this is spontaneous to me, even though I might have heard the word somewhere else.
So my older children are up and waiting for breakfast, and they started talking about a game variety of Parkour, and the word “legendary” is being thrown around casually. So I ask them if they know what legendary means, and my son says, after a minute of thinking, that it means very amazing. I answered, “No, legendary means super famous milk.” Took them half a minute to figure out and I got the biggest groans ever!
When they go low, we get high.
Limestone! This was made up in the car by my 8 year old son as we were driving home from our Fathers Day outing. Promised I'd share it.
He was a bald faced liar.
For my highschool, Prom is this weekend. A group of friends asked the guy behind me in class wether or not he was going. He said no. He then said...
"I promise to go next year"
Then I turned around and said...
"Oh. You... PROM-ise to go next year?"
He said yeah then went back to work. 5 seconds later he slowly looked up at me with the "really?" Expression.
Worth it.
Kept on insisting that I had promised to build him a treehouse but I don't remember evergreening this elm of a contract. Though he kept inisisting I had birch the agreement due to the long delay but my attempt to confern the fertility of the spruce was in roots. Now I have to oak up and face the spruce. My weekend has been soiled and I now have to maple my son's treehouse whilst I willow my day away. Although... Now that I twig about it, having a treehouse in my yard sounds like a pine idea.
Hmm, maybe I should start giving my race horses normal names.
or else I'ma start singing "WHO LENT THE DOG ZOUT"
(Alright I think these are out of my system... no promises)
But I promise I will never take you for Granite again
In essence, Jesus is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.
