My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning

It's a girl and weighs 7lbs 12 oz.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 40k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/StuntsMonkey
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 10 2020
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my wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning.

she's worked very hard and i know it's been difficult for her, but i'm very proud. she's in possibly the best shape of her life and she is once again confident in her own body, but i will endlessly love her despite what she looks like.

what, were you expecting me to say something about a baby?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/404--File-Not-Found
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 16 2020
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I had a problem with my anti-virus program, it kept saying I had 1 virus on my computer.

So I deleted the anti-virus and there weren't any problems any more!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AstroPenguin101
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 09 2020
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Olive Garden has a new program where you can order an entree to be delivered to a friend.

It’s called Send Noodz.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tvkyle
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 09 2020
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My wife just finished her 40 week body building program.

She lost 8 pounds and 1 oz, and gained a new family member!

I'm officially a father and step father! Woohoo!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 155
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/InsaneVanity
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 18 2020
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 57
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/drakeisalreadyinuse
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 23 2020
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My son is involved in the school music program...

I told him i offered his director some assistance. They said yes.

Now I get to be a band-aid.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Yellow_Odd_Fellow
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 19 2020
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How do you program genderless robots?

with nonbinary code

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bluejaywhey
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 27 2020
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Me and my friends recently started a space program.

Sadly, it didn’t take off

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Sir-Fntrf
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 25 2020
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What do you call a snake that can program?

Python

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ALizardKing
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 16 2020
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What would you call someone who programs female robots ?

Cod-her

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/stent_kush
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 29 2020
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What is a bad wizard’s favourite computer program?

Spell-check

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SeekretTheRPGAddict
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 27 2020
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In high school, I never went to those anti-drug programs.

I didn't D.A.R.E.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ErwinFurwinPurrwin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 12 2020
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What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?

A sweatband

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pyrrhios
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 14 2020
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Yo, homie. You know of any good computer programs for typing up documents?

Word.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/UncommercializedKat
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 14 2020
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The local zoo just started a recycling collection program to support its mission

When you bring in one can, you can save Toucans

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DweadPiwateWoberts
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 21 2019
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What do you call an computer program that can read books, and then make reviews about them, but sadly can only read text that has a red font?

An InkRedible machine.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Nomal_Male_Number_75
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 16 2019
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A Catholic High School had a legendary American football program

Every year, the team was in the state championship game, and usually won it handily. Every able lad within a few hundred miles wanted to play football for Central Catholic Fighting Knights.

Those who were familiar with the program, knew that the true heart and soul of the Knights football program was Sister Mary Margaret, an aged nun who would, in full habit, get out on the practice field and work on routes with the receivers, give pointers to the quarterbacks on their stances and releases, but most of all, love them like the second mother that she became to all of the boys in that program.

One year, on the eve of the state championship game, some evil malefactors broke into the convent and kidnapped Sister Mary Margaret. Everyone was stunned by the news, but none more so than the Knights of Central Catholic. They were devastated at the loss of their mentor.

As you might guess, the state championship game didn't go very well. For the first time in the history of the football program, the Knights were shut out. The Spartans beat them 42-0.

The next day, the headline on the local sports section read:

No Offense, Nun Taken

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SaintMeerkat
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 12 2019
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I have a one step program to fell like a billion dollars.

Wear Elon's musk

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 30 2019
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What do you get when you mix an ex Vice President with a computer program?

An Al Gore rhythm

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MrInventory
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 19 2019
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I saw a program billed as " LeeAnn Rimes with Cher.

Then I thought to myself no, it doesn't.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 37
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 03 2019
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Did you hear about the news program dedicated to berries?

It was a currant affairs program.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/endangeredpenguin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 09 2019
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What does a coder do when a recursion program fails to compile after several attempts?

He will re-curse it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/i_am_thatman
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 04 2019
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I watched a program on National Geographic, where they showed a huge plant which had grown papers instead of leaves.

It was a document-tree.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 31
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 02 2019
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I've designed my own 12-step program
πŸ‘οΈŽ 211
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Hello_Kitty07
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 01 2017
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How does Al Gore program music software?

By using Al Gore rhythms.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 139
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Scherz707
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 24 2018
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Here is an easy three step program to pick up petite, blonde chicks.

Step 1. Go to a farm.

Step 2. Go to the chicken coop.

Step 3. Find a baby chicken and pick it up.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 17 2019
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In Star Wars, what language is used to program droids? reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/crunchybedsheets
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 24 2019
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I just watched a program about beavers

It was the best dam program I've ever seen

πŸ‘οΈŽ 52
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/fractalrain39
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 13 2020
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I just watched a program about beavers

It was the best dam program I've ever seen

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 31 2020
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I just watched a program about beavers....

..It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 52
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/IronLegion11
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 26 2019
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I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 46
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 03 2019
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I just watched a program about beavers.

The best dam program Iβ€˜ve ever seen.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/joe_dsr
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 14 2019
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 103
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ZEUSlightning5265
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 11 2019
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Eastyisthename
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 04 2019
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I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam programme I've ever seen.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 46
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mattasaurusrrex
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 22 2019
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I just watched a program about beavers

It was the best dam program I've ever seen

πŸ‘οΈŽ 151
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jackojamison
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 09 2018
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen

πŸ‘οΈŽ 33
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jimbausky
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 30 2019
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MrKrabs7382
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 15 2019
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I watched a program on Herbert Hoover...

It was the best dam program I've ever seen! Even better than the one on beavers...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 02 2019
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 553
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jupiiters
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 16 2017
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Obimark
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 11 2019
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RobRoy333
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 28 2019
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/blake__coleman
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 04 2019
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 34
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 03 2019
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 27
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Owlbear15
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 06 2019
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/markrulez
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 11 2019
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I just watched a program about beavers

It was the best dam program I've ever seen

πŸ‘οΈŽ 34
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RavenclawGirl17
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 20 2018
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