My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning

It's a girl and weighs 7lbs 12 oz.

πŸ‘︎ 40k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StuntsMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
my wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning.

she's worked very hard and i know it's been difficult for her, but i'm very proud. she's in possibly the best shape of her life and she is once again confident in her own body, but i will endlessly love her despite what she looks like.

what, were you expecting me to say something about a baby?

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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I had a problem with my anti-virus program, it kept saying I had 1 virus on my computer.

So I deleted the anti-virus and there weren't any problems any more!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AstroPenguin101
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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Olive Garden has a new program where you can order an entree to be delivered to a friend.

It’s called Send Noodz.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tvkyle
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife just finished her 40 week body building program.

She lost 8 pounds and 1 oz, and gained a new family member!

I'm officially a father and step father! Woohoo!

πŸ‘︎ 155
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InsaneVanity
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
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My son is involved in the school music program...

I told him i offered his director some assistance. They said yes.

Now I get to be a band-aid.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yellow_Odd_Fellow
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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How do you program genderless robots?

with nonbinary code

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bluejaywhey
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Me and my friends recently started a space program.

Sadly, it didn’t take off

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir-Fntrf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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What do you call a snake that can program?

Python

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ALizardKing
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What would you call someone who programs female robots ?

Cod-her

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stent_kush
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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What is a bad wizard’s favourite computer program?

Spell-check

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
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In high school, I never went to those anti-drug programs.

I didn't D.A.R.E.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
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What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?

A sweatband

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pyrrhios
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Yo, homie. You know of any good computer programs for typing up documents?

Word.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
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The local zoo just started a recycling collection program to support its mission

When you bring in one can, you can save Toucans

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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What do you call an computer program that can read books, and then make reviews about them, but sadly can only read text that has a red font?

An InkRedible machine.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
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A Catholic High School had a legendary American football program

Every year, the team was in the state championship game, and usually won it handily. Every able lad within a few hundred miles wanted to play football for Central Catholic Fighting Knights.

Those who were familiar with the program, knew that the true heart and soul of the Knights football program was Sister Mary Margaret, an aged nun who would, in full habit, get out on the practice field and work on routes with the receivers, give pointers to the quarterbacks on their stances and releases, but most of all, love them like the second mother that she became to all of the boys in that program.

One year, on the eve of the state championship game, some evil malefactors broke into the convent and kidnapped Sister Mary Margaret. Everyone was stunned by the news, but none more so than the Knights of Central Catholic. They were devastated at the loss of their mentor.

As you might guess, the state championship game didn't go very well. For the first time in the history of the football program, the Knights were shut out. The Spartans beat them 42-0.

The next day, the headline on the local sports section read:

No Offense, Nun Taken

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SaintMeerkat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I have a one step program to fell like a billion dollars.

Wear Elon's musk

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you mix an ex Vice President with a computer program?

An Al Gore rhythm

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrInventory
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a program billed as " LeeAnn Rimes with Cher.

Then I thought to myself no, it doesn't.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the news program dedicated to berries?

It was a currant affairs program.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/endangeredpenguin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What does a coder do when a recursion program fails to compile after several attempts?

He will re-curse it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/i_am_thatman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I watched a program on National Geographic, where they showed a huge plant which had grown papers instead of leaves.

It was a document-tree.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I've designed my own 12-step program
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hello_Kitty07
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2017
🚨︎ report
How does Al Gore program music software?

By using Al Gore rhythms.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scherz707
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Here is an easy three step program to pick up petite, blonde chicks.

Step 1. Go to a farm.

Step 2. Go to the chicken coop.

Step 3. Find a baby chicken and pick it up.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
In Star Wars, what language is used to program droids? reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crunchybedsheets
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I just watched a program about beavers

It was the best dam program I've ever seen

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fractalrain39
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I just watched a program about beavers

It was the best dam program I've ever seen

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I just watched a program about beavers....

..It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IronLegion11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I just watched a program about beavers.

The best dam program Iβ€˜ve ever seen.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joe_dsr
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

πŸ‘︎ 103
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZEUSlightning5265
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eastyisthename
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam programme I've ever seen.
πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mattasaurusrrex
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I just watched a program about beavers

It was the best dam program I've ever seen

πŸ‘︎ 151
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jackojamison
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
🚨︎ report
I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jimbausky
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrKrabs7382
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I watched a program on Herbert Hoover...

It was the best dam program I've ever seen! Even better than the one on beavers...

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

πŸ‘︎ 553
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jupiiters
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2017
🚨︎ report
I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Obimark
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RobRoy333
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blake__coleman
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Owlbear15
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/markrulez
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I just watched a program about beavers

It was the best dam program I've ever seen

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RavenclawGirl17
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
🚨︎ report

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