I used to work as a programmer for autocorrect....

Then they fried me for no raisin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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What do NASA programmers do on the weekends?

They hit the space bar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zaddis04
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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If a programmer could rearrange the alphabet, they'd put U and I together.

User Interface is important to them.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Demented_Sandwich
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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What do the programmers do when they pay respect?

They printf

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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What does a programmer's ghost say?

bool!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/themartianmaster
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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A programmer's wife tells him: "While you're at the store, get some milk".

He never comes back.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dummy_149
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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Why did the programmer quit his job?

because he didn't get arrays.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dummy_149
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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What was the SNES programmers' favorite drink?

Sprite

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlarioKath
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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Why did the programmer leave his job ?

Because he couldn’t hack it.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kaelp667
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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What do programmers do when they're hungry?

They grab a byte

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jurica1306
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
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Why does programmers have perfect vision?

Because they can C++

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xRangez
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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Why couldn't the programmer dance to the song?

Because he didn't get the... algo-rhythm...

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wazer_mn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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How does the computer programmer order all her books?

By the Dewey Hexadecimal System!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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Children with only a mother make horrible programmers

Theres always missing paren

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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Why do programmers like dark mode?

Because light attracts bugs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crocflamingo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
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How does a programmer get cooler in the summer?

He opens Windows

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kidplayer_666
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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A programmer gets sent to the store by his wife. His wife says, β€œGet a gallon of milk, and if they have eggs, get a dozen.”

The programmer returns home with 12 gallons of milk and says, β€œThey had eggs.”

edit: I know guys, I know, it’s supposed to be 13, I messed up the wording, please forgive me

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheManicMonocle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
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As a programmer, waking up is the 0th thing I do every morning
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nh-278
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
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What you call it when computer programmers make fun of each other?

cyber boolean

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thebobstu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
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Programmers hate roman numerals.

But I can't zero in on why

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πŸ‘€︎ u/atom036
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2020
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I am now a succesful programmer

But back in the days I was a noobgrammer

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Notfrootloops
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25

For non-programmers: (octal 31 = decimal 25)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MacItaly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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Why did the programmer get a huge telephone bill?

Because his program was CALLING a lot of subroutines.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madjholu
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
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Which way did the programmer go?

He went data way!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BringOutTheGMMP
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
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What do spanish programmers code in?

SΓ­ ++

πŸ‘︎ 733
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yuberz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
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Scientists and programmers have gotten together to write computer code that will not only warn of future global warming but also take credit for inventing the internet.

It's an new Al-Gore-rithm

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonnyprophet
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
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What do programmers dance to?

Algorhythms

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bubblegum_batman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
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What do programmers and exterminators have in common?

They both spend most of their time fighting bugs.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tickytickytango
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
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Why did the C++ programmer do so well at his new job as a packaging and design engineer?

Because he was very good at orienting objects.

(Okay this is a really technical dad joke, but isn't that what they're supposed to be?)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jarvedttudd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
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Why do programmers wear glasses?

Because they can't C#

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sneakysneaky23
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2016
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Why was the programmer always running into walls?

He couldn’t see sharp.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
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How programmers curse?

Oh shift!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmperorJediWoW
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
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People "without genders" are usually bad programmers...

since they're non-binary

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirSpankexe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
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Harry Potter was a programmer

He is fluent in Python

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scoob1978
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
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There’s like 2 people here who get this, but I put my faith in programmers
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AeRUBIK-Cubing
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
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As a computer programmer, I love goose-feather pillows...

Because they are down-loaded!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
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Why do Programmers make good politicians?

Their goto is to switch statements.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/9ine0ne0ne
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
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How did the Programmer lose weight?

Hey switched to a byte sized diet.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/9ine0ne0ne
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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Why do programmers only go outside during the winter?

Because it's code outside.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
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Did you hear about the computer programmer who was strung out on cough syrup?

He had a major codeine problem.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hey_mcfly27
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
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My friend quit his job as a programmer...

He didn't get arrays.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/okbutt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
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Programmers hate roman numerals.

But I can't zero in on why?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atom036
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Which way did the programmer go?

He went data way

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Filterfilthy27
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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What do spanish programmers code in?

Si++

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/One_Day_Dead
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
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