My history professor's pun (xpost from r/funny)
Student: Professor, can I do something to raise my grade?
Professor: Um, you know it’s May, right?
Student: Of course, so sorry! “May I do something to raise my grade?”
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no Time.”
Professor X: What's your superpower?
Me: Hindsight
Professor X: Well that won't be much help to us...
Me: Yes I see that now.
What did the professor say when the Urology student did not know the technical name for pee?
At the beginning of the term, my university professor makes all of his students buy the book that he wrote.
My professor wrote on his syllabus "If anyone asks me how I'm doing, my answer will always be 'I am great, how are you?'"
So when we ask him how he's doing, his answer is "It's on the syllabus".
Chemistry professor: Is it a good or bad thing that ice is less dense than (floats in) water?
Me: It wasn't good for the Titanic.
A professor studies bisexual people
He is a professor of biology
I was scared when my professor told me we were going to learn about relative dating today...
Until I learned it wasn’t the Alabama kind.
My friend on Facebook just made a post about her favorite professor passing today.
I really wanted to comment and say “At least he passed and didn’t fail.”
But, I feel like it’s too soon and wouldn’t be appreciated.
[need for help] Pun experts, share the best pun you know about academia/professors/education/writing for grants. Any help deeply appreciated!
EDIT: We plan to place it on the mug as a gift, so it should be relatively short
What did the maths professor do when he became constipated?
He worked it out with a pencil.
My chemistry professor once said, "I teach better when I'm drinking!"
My calculus professor was 16 minutes late for the first class, 8 minutes late for the second, and 4 minutes late for the third.
At this rate, he will never be there on time.
My professor asked me why did I put only one of the three authors as a reference.
I said that I didn’t feel tempted to do so et. al
Professor dint have this planned
Me: I am planning to start a cider business
She: any alternative plans if it doesn't work out?
Me: I haven't decidered yet!
My anatomy class is currently covering the skeletal system and my professor is being unreasonable with the amount of material we need to know so I made an office hour appointment to speak with him.
You can bet your ass I have a bone to pick with him.
My professor puts jokes on the board before class
I used to date a professor
Now i just called him " Professor X"
I still remember the moment when my math professor told us what the square root of -1 was.
An English professor was telling his class that a double negative makes a positive, but there was no case in which a double positive creates a negative.
From the back of the room a Physics professor said, "Yeah, yeah."
My statistics professor told us that the larger the sample size, the more reliable are your averages.
The N’s justify the means.
"I'm so sorry, my dog ate my homework." Rolling his eyes, my computer science professor shot back, "Really?! Your dog ate your coding assignment?"
"Well, to be perfectly honest, it did take him a couple bytes."
After the events of Avengers: Endgame, Professor Hulk opened a custom woodworking business
It was called Bruce Banisters
A man asks a professor, "Do you think Einstein's theory was good?"
The professor replies. "Relatively."
A college professor asks all of his students to brainstorm and yell out different kinds of stereotypes.
"All blonde girls are dumb!" yells a boy in the back.
"Sony!" yells the blonde girl in the front.
The professor had used the entire blackboard for the lecture
The blackboard is now chalk-full of information
Chemistry professor: It is impossible to be both acidic and basic at the same time.
White girl in the back: Hold my pumpkin spice latte.
Why do so many people take Professor Fonzarelli’s class?
Did you hear about the professor afraid of negative numbers?
He stops at nothing to avoid them
I just dad joked my accounting professor and made her cry from laughing.
Someone asked about extra credit.
Professor: "I'm sorry I don't give extra credit in this class"
Me: "yeah but do you give extra debit?"
I was in class today and the professor's last name was Sullivan. After class I went to ask him...
"So do you want us to call you Prof S, or...?"
He replied, "Yes, but don't say it like a robot..."
Did your hear about the professors that went to an island resort to discuss research paper titles?
It was a topical vacation
Which professor was good enough to win the Nobel Prize in Chemistry in 2019?
what was the Nutty Professor's job?
My calculus professor was 16 minutes late to his first class, 8 minutes late to his second, and 4 minutes late to the third.
At this rate, he will never be in class on time.
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. No Time.”
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What exactly happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. No time.”
My math professor was late 16 minutes for the first class, 8 minutes late for the second, and 4 minutes late for the third.
At this rate, he’ll never be in class on time.
To make extra money, my professor forces all the students to buy his book at the beginning of the term.
My professor makes all the students buy his book at the beginning of the term to make some profit.
I said to my computer science professor that my dog ate my homework.
When he doubted me, I said, "Well, it took him a couple of bytes."
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. No time.”
To make extra money, my university professor makes all his students buy his book at the beginning of the term.
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