Processions Puns

Of corpse, please come to a dead stop.

Does that make them Coffinated?

It is just a mono-log.

I guess I’ll take it one step at a time.

...I said Pgigadactyls.

It’s spam

I call it “Best bets for vetting vets for vets”

Now all my rooms but the kitchen sync.

Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking .

I agreed and wired him the money. What’s the wurst that could happen?

I call it the MATT DAEMON!!!

It was on Tombler.

He was missing a key element the whole time

https://preview.redd.it/wa3s3ozxftc61.png?width=4500&format=png&auto=webp&s=04f10d36e95914e4d39ec2312ce5176a062911b1

Who thinks they're punny?! 😜⠀⠀I sketched this Hellraiser holding a cactus and thought it'd make a cute Valentine's Day card. I'm in the process of colouring it and I want YOU to help me caption it.⠀

I've asked the question on IG (@ashrobertsondesign) but didn't get a lot of feedback so I'm reaching out here. Gimme your best prick, point, hell, etc. related puns n make it about love 🔥

I'll choose a favourite from the comments and turn it into a FREE Valentine's Day card printable.

The whole process was riveting

Will public opinion sufficiently Schifft through these proceedings??

I said, “Actually, the process is the same. Apart from their tiny clothes.”

Let's just say...the steaks are high.

He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:

-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!

Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.

-Ok, so... your current name is.. ·chuckles· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...

-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.

After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.

-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?

-Charles Fart.

Just to make the cremation process a little bit more interesting.

When I do its usually a Spam Risk.

Especially if you take them when you are driving.

Step 1: take off your glasses

Step 2: say: 'I'm afraid I can't see you anymore!'

No one can follow my thot process.

Processed meat

Me: forget it...its a pain in the ass.

Data

It was riveting.

When he gets to the place where he’s supposed to pick up his rifle the man tells him that he just ran out. “If you need to shoot just say ‘BANGITY BANG BANGITY BANG!'” he says. Bummed out and little confused, the guy moves on to the next area where he’s supposed to pick up the bayonet. But the next man is out too. “If you need to stab someone just go, ‘STICKITY STICK STICKITY STICK!'” he says. Dejected and wondering what the heck he signed up for, the guy jumps into the next truck on its way to the front where there’s a battle raging on.

Side by side with the rest of the soldiers in his unit, the guy advances on the enemy position. As soon as he sees the enemy, he shouts, “BANGITY BANG BANGITY BANG!!” Amazingly, the enemy soldier drops to the ground. Encouraged by his success he charges the next two enemy soldiers and goes, “STICKITY STICK STICKITY STICK!” They both immediately collapse in front of him. This is incredible, he thinks, I’ve become unstoppable.

So when he sees his next foe way off in the distance, he shouts, “BANGITY BANG BANGITY BANG!” at him. He waits for him to fall, but nothing happens. The guy charges his unfazed adversary next and goes “STICKITY STICK STICKITY STICK!” Again he thinks the man will fall and again nothing happens. “Why wont you drop?” the guy says. The enemy soldier knocks him down and responds, “TANKITY TANK TANKITY TANK!”

Me: "Word"

He is called as the MANAGER.

Fooleosis

Noted researcher Rosemary Fuller was involved in a lab accident today. She's working on the theory that herb-based formulas can actually reverse or accelerate the aging process. Parsley, for example, has been shown to cause rapid aging, and recent efforts have shown good results with oregano-based anti-aging serums. Ms Fuller was, unfortunately, standing near a vat of simmering oregano serum when a nearby researcher nudged her and she fell in! It appeared at first that the anti-aging serum would cause her to de-age down to nothing. Now, though, it looks like she'll be all right. The Parsley's aged Rosemary in time.

I’ll be back in a Jif!

That would be grape.

The process is a little painstaking.

It's spam.