A non-conformist beggar starts preaching

"All of you are doing jobs to earn a living. Well, I beg to differ"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/automata-door
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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What do you call food that preaches the Bible?

Billy Graham cracker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/humanlikeyou07
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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A blonde goes into a church and asks the minister, "How much does it cost to rent a church singing group?"He said,"Do you mean a choir?"

She said "Fine... How much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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You're damn right it will
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/giftsamuel_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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What do you call a piece of bread preaching pacifism?

Naan violent

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ra1ds4ad0w
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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My friend goes from town to town preaching the health benefits of eating dried grapes every day.

It’s all about raisin awareness l

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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I don't have any kids. According to my nephew, this disqualifies me from telling dad jokes. But he's always preaching that my diet is too high in carbohydrates, so my eating habits really irritate him and get under his skin.

I guess this makes me his carbuncle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HAL9000000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2017
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A woman who lived next door to a preacher was puzzled by his personality change in the pulpit.

At home he was shy, quiet and retiring, but in the church he was a real fire and brimstone orator, rousing the masses in the name of God. It was as if he was two different people.

One day she asked him about the dramatic transformation that came over him when he preached.

"Ah," he said, "That's my altar ego."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
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What do you call a religious fruit?

A preach.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/angstyslut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
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Traveling Evangelical Geese...

My morning walk with the dog was cut short today. There's a park we usually wander through so she can sniff and explore, but today we couldn't get in because the path was blocked by an army of angry geese.

I was telling my mom about this and she mentioned there are geese at the river where she and a friend take their dogs, too. She said they must all be in town for some kind of conference. Then she paused for half a second and continued:

I bet it's a religious thing. They're here to preach the goosepel.

(To satisfy the rule: that's a play on gospel.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PupperPuppet
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
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I'm sure there are plenty of televangelists who aren't just doing it for the money

But I feel like a lot of them are just preaching to acquire.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fightswithbears
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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Madonna has confessed her love for Indian snacks in a song

Poppadom Preach

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
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r/dadjokes

When you preach about depression but you are also depressed, what do you call that?
πŸ€·πŸΌβ€

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HUUBIGXIN
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
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My grandpa was the greatest jokester.

Back in April, me and the young men &a women of my family helped move my grandparents out their house, a house they had lived in for almost 45 years, into a small, 1-bedroom add-on to my uncles land.

Now, my grandpa had been a Baptist pastor for 47 years (now retired) and he was always quick on wit.

Well, as we were moving out the garage. My brother noticed something glued to the ground by some kind of resin. A piece of paper, looked almost 30 years old. We found out it was a sermon that my grandpa had preached way, way back in the day. And someone had spilled some kind of oil and that had gotten stuck to it and preserved it over the years. We brought my very frail grandpa out into the garage and told him what it was. He stared at it for about 5 seconds and said "Well, I guess that's one of my sermons that stuck!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ibelieveinfairies
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2013
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What do you call a minister that does shoe repair?

Preach Cobbler

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Revell23
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2017
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Oh, dad

Crazy guy preaching on sidewalk: "JESUS SAVES!" Dad: "Does he put it in CD's?"

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2013
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A cautionary tale for the holidays from my uncle Ron

With the holidays upon us, I would like to share a personal experience with you about drinking and driving. The following experience was a first for me, and I hope you won't mind my "preaching" to you about it.

As you may know, a few of us have been known to come close to brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a "social session".

Well, two days ago Christina and I were out for an evening with friends. We had several cocktails followed by some rather nice red wine. I was feeling jolly, but I still had the sense to know that I was probably over the limit.

That's when I did something that I've never done before in my entire life - I took a cab home. Well, Christina doesn't drive so this seemed the logical option.

Sure enough on the way home there was a police sobriety checkpoint, but since we were in a cab they waved us through and we arrived home safely without incident.

This was a real surprise as I had never driven a cab before. I don't know where I got it and now that it's in my garage, I don't know what to do with it. Any advice?

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fortbuild
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2013
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Dad joked a guy passing out bibles this weekend...

Walked by one of those guys who's preaching on the street side and passing out bibles to anyone he can.

.

Bible-Dude: Hello sir, would you like a New Testament?

Me: Oh, no thank you, I have an old one at home that works just fine.

.

My wife groaned in appreciation, but Bible-Dude didn't see the humor in it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justgrant2009
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2015
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