I was polled: β€œWhen counting to five on your fingers, where do you start?”

Me: β€œOne”

(He was interested in thumb, or index finger. Apparently he had a write-in for pinky. Weird)

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
🚨︎ report
In a recent poll people were asked what they thought Γ· means

The result was divided.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BigfootNick
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I took a poll the other day.

Turns out 100% of people get angry when their tents fall down.

πŸ‘︎ 255
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/redeyeben
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Old man goes to polling place asking if his wife had already voted.

So the old man approaches the polling official and ask if his wife already voted. They ask for her full name and sure enough, she had already voted. He said Oh darn! She died 6 years ago but she keeps voting on every election and I was hoping to see her once again.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
In a recent poll, 80% of people in America said they would not open their homes to a sentient water basin that walked up to their door and asked for shelter…

Let that sink in…

πŸ‘︎ 104
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
This year, my friend decided to play his string instrument with a neck and a deep round back enclosing a hollow cavity, with a sound hole in the body at the voting booths...

He was arrested for ear poll-lute-tion.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
A recent poll has shown that vampires are actually vegetarian.

They all hate stakes.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Recently took a poll.

99% of people were annoyed when their tent fell down.

πŸ‘︎ 264
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/three11guy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the stripper show up at the Board of Elections?

She heard they were looking for poll workers.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently took a poll.

And found that 100% of people were upset when the tent collapsed.

πŸ‘︎ 81
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GeminiImpact
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What's similar between strippers and those who operate election booths?

They're both poll workers.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Useless-Chicken
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the sit-in at the polling place?

The police told them to get up, vote and leave.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ivegot_back
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I took a poll the other day

Everyone was pretty upset when the whole tent collapsed.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/teebone954
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Cheating is not affair game

I said to my cheating wife "Let's settle this in affair explanation!" She said "OK. I cheated on you because your heart were as cold as the North Poll!" I looked at her then said "I'm diss a pointed..."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Titanium_Steel
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve always felt bad for the silverfish

Sure, I know they’re disgusting little bugs. But I started taking pity on the little guys after they only came in second in this poll of people’s favorite animals.

The winner, of course, was the goldfish.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jweiss10
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bunch of golfers at the polls?

Swing voters.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tragicstate
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2018
🚨︎ report
How do strippers decide on collective bargaining rights?

They take a poll...

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/markstache
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife is due with our first baby any time now and she made a poll to have the family guess when she would go into labor. Hilarity ensued.
πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pyramids_of_Gold
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2017
🚨︎ report
I read a poll in which every single respondent said that Wolverine was their favorite X-Men character.

It was Hughnanimous.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lipglosschaos
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2017
🚨︎ report
Someone asked me if I'd seen how Trump was doing in the polls

"I don't know, I thought he was more into Czechs."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/justablur
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2016
🚨︎ report
Working the polls and the judge was talking to a clerk.

(They are both older guys the clerk was talking about his hair going away)
The judge said "Your hair is looking a little wavy... one side is waving goodbye to the other"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BeliefInAll
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2015
🚨︎ report
Clydesdales are the least trusted of all horses.

So says the most recent Gallop Poll.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
The staff at my local strip club figured out a great way to make decisions.

They take a poll.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Dets
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
How do horses decide on who they'll vote for?

Gallop Polls

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RCRadioCarbon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? β€œMy Fare, Lady”.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physician’s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


β€œWhat’s purple and 5000 miles long?” β€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”


Every calendar’s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. β€œFour bucks,” says the bartender. β€œPut it on my bill.”


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the politician with no body?

They say he's ahead in the polls.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sublimiacures
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2017
🚨︎ report
More people than ever are getting into horseback riding as a hobby

That's the findings of the latest gallop poll

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mindscrambler26
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2018
🚨︎ report
What kind of a victory dance did Trump do after winning the election??

Poll dance...

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2017
🚨︎ report
And he just came in swinging !

Deez Nuts Polling Ahead in the 2016 Presidential Election!

http://duxnews.com/2016/11/08/election-2016-deez-nuts-polling-ahead/

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2016
🚨︎ report
Last week in Warsaw the government asked its people how they felt about an expedition to stick large metal rods in the northern and southern ends of the globe.

it was the Poll of Poles on the pole poles.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zeinshver
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2014
🚨︎ report
Every damn vacation

IDK if this has already been said by someone else, but I heard it from my dad first.

We always took long road trips for vacation and every once in a while my old man would see an ice cream place and ask us kids "Who wants ice cream?"

We of course would say we wanted some in which he almost always replied "Ok, just taking a poll". 9/10 we wouldn't get ice cream, he was just messing with us.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tsmith944
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2014
🚨︎ report
Dad, how did you know American Pharoah was going to win the Triple Crown?

I studied the Gallup Polls

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/whiplash1911
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2015
🚨︎ report
Heard it at church

Who is the most desirable man on Earth? According to a poll of women, it is Mr. Potato Head. He is cute, tan, and if he makes you mad you can rearrange his face.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/butchpancake
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2014
🚨︎ report
In a recent poll, 80% of people in America said they would not open their homes to a sentient water basin that walked up to their door and asked for shelter.

Let that sink in.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/corbimatic
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
🚨︎ report
I took a poll last night

100% of the people were angry that the tent collapsed on them

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/luckydragon88
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the politician with no body?

They say he's ahead in the polls.

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sublimiacures
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2017
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.