It's cyantifically proven.
The guy replies, βI lost my job, my wife left me, she took the kids and the dog. Taking these shoes off at the end of the day is the only pleasure left in my lifeβ
Putin gets to the customs officer and presents his passport.
Customs agent: And what's the purpose of your visit, Mr. Putin? Business or pleasure?
Putin: Business, of course.
Customs agent: Occupation?
Putin: No, not this time. Just visiting.
I'm mass-turd-baiting.
I took my mother-in-law to the airport
with much aplomb.
He replies "I'd love to have a cold one."
Thought i'd dust off this golden oldie for those who've never had the pleasure π
A man goes in to a pet shop and says to the shop keeper "i'd like to buy a wasp please"
"i'm sorry sir, we don't sell insects here" replies the shopkeep
"But you've got one in the window?"......
I wanted things to end on a positive note.
Pain and pleasure in the physical plane. Enlightenment in the spiritual plane. And no leg room in the air plane.
General Anesthesia always helped put internal disputes to bed.
Over a double latte, the Greek mentions "We built the Parthenon, you may recall, along with the Temple of Apollo."
"Aye, and it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices."
"But it was the Greeks who gave birth to advanced mathematics."
"Granted, but it was the Irish who built the first timepieces."
Knowing that he's about to deliver the coup de grace, the son of Athens points out with a note of finality: "Keep in mind that it was the ancient Greeks who invented the notion of sex as a pleasurable activity!"
"Aye! True enough, but it was the Irish who got women involved."
Babysitting my niece in this heat I wanted to be nice and go out for ice cream. So, I start off with "Hey.. I was thinking.." and before I could finish this 6-year old says "Yeah I thought I smelled something burning", without ever looking up.
The sick irony is that I read this one online and was saving it to roast her. I'm proud, but sad. Of course that doesn't mean my campaign of horrid jokes came to an end!
It was rough.
It almost feels like Kamera Sutra
It's a gilt-E pleasure.
Sitting at the table for Father's Day, my 16 year old daughter decided to be grand in her wishing me a happy father's day.
"Dad, thank you for siring me."
"You're welcome, but, the pleasure was all mine."
My mother in law glared. Everyone else laughed.
Theyβre impervious to the pleasures of the flesh!
The pleasure was all mine.
Judge: "I don't understand, what happened?"
Woman: "I work in a pharmacy. I met him when he first came there last week and asked to purchase an X-X-X-X-L condom. That's when I thought, for a happy pleasureful life, I should get him to marry me before any other girls find out and lap him up."
Judge: "ok.... then? "
Woman: "I held my excitement all day thru the wedding, waiting for the night..... so at night when I my curiosity couldn't wait any longer........I found out something."
Judge: "what?"
Woman: "the Bastard has speech disorder.... he STAMMERS!!"
He canβt seem to deal with the aftermath.
They're my quilty pleasure
He said it was his pleasure.
As I'm coming out of the shower and talking with my wife she tells me about the crack the dentist found and will need to be fixed. I remind her I've got one that they've been monitoring for a while too. I ask her "you wanna see my crack?"
Of course...I turn around and show her my bare ass....
She tried REALLY hard not to laugh at that.
A female friend of mine has a sexual fantasy of being choked during sex (which she exposed during a drunken... "moment"), I am a bad person and find great pleasure in exploiting this via subtle public humiliation! SO, what choking puns have we got to offer?! I'd think of my own but I go to say them and I just choke...
I guess now he's an octo-puss.
...but the accusations were bassless.
...
I'll see myself out.
Like many Brits I like a hot drink in the morning. The first one is really special. Dyed gold, and in a golden cup.
It's my gilt tea pleasure.
They ribbit for your pleasure.
I just met a handsome monk. He has spent his life abstaining from carnal pleasure. I found him ascetic-ically pleasing.
