Turquoise is the best color in the world.

It's cyantifically proven.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 586
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PhDVa
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 21 2022
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Double the pun pleasure
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PinkHairandInk
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 13 2021
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This is pier reviewed.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 832
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HypnotizeD_X
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 18 2022
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A guy walks into a shoe shop and asks for a size 6. The owner says, β€˜but you’re a size 8!’. The guy persists until he gets the size 6 shoes and squeezes his feet into the shoe until they’re bursting out the seams. The owner says, β€˜why would you do that?!’

The guy replies, β€˜I lost my job, my wife left me, she took the kids and the dog. Taking these shoes off at the end of the day is the only pleasure left in my life’

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ApplePieSubstitute
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 25 2022
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Vladimir Putin is called to New York to answer before the United Nations for his invasion of Ukraine

Putin gets to the customs officer and presents his passport.

Customs agent: And what's the purpose of your visit, Mr. Putin? Business or pleasure?

Putin: Business, of course.

Customs agent: Occupation?

Putin: No, not this time. Just visiting.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/j00bz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 24 2022
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In an attempt to bring great pleasure to myself, I'll post controversial topics in white supremacist groups in the attempt to get funny reactions out of them.

I'm mass-turd-baiting.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Klratz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 20 2020
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Just got back from a pleasure trip.

I took my mother-in-law to the airport

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 17 2020
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Chilled for your pleasure
πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/disc_er
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 19 2019
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"It's a pleasure to be here as the keynote speaker for 'The Purple Fruit Growers Association'" said Tom

with much aplomb.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 23 2020
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A necrophiliac walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "What's your pleasure?".

He replies "I'd love to have a cold one."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 57
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/phillydog1
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 01 2019
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It Gives Me No Pleasure to Define Anhedonia.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HiderOfCheese
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 08 2019
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an old classic

Thought i'd dust off this golden oldie for those who've never had the pleasure 😁

A man goes in to a pet shop and says to the shop keeper "i'd like to buy a wasp please"

"i'm sorry sir, we don't sell insects here" replies the shopkeep

"But you've got one in the window?"......

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RiffyWammel
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 18 2021
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Adam was ribbed for his own pleasure
πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ACDH_2002
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 03 2019
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When my ex-wife and I divorced, I handed her a letter saying, β€œIt was a pleasure. Thanks.”

I wanted things to end on a positive note.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 08 2018
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Life has 3 levels of existence...

Pain and pleasure in the physical plane. Enlightenment in the spiritual plane. And no leg room in the air plane.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 36
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sandman369
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 26 2021
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I had the pleasure of serving under one of the calmest commanders in the US Army

General Anesthesia always helped put internal disputes to bed.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DrDewinYourMom
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 17 2020
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A Greek and an Irishman were sitting in a Starbucks one day comparing their two cultures.

Over a double latte, the Greek mentions "We built the Parthenon, you may recall, along with the Temple of Apollo."

"Aye, and it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices."

"But it was the Greeks who gave birth to advanced mathematics."

"Granted, but it was the Irish who built the first timepieces."

Knowing that he's about to deliver the coup de grace, the son of Athens points out with a note of finality: "Keep in mind that it was the ancient Greeks who invented the notion of sex as a pleasurable activity!"

"Aye! True enough, but it was the Irish who got women involved."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jag730
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 27 2021
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Today I fell into my own sword, and a pleasure it was.

Babysitting my niece in this heat I wanted to be nice and go out for ice cream. So, I start off with "Hey.. I was thinking.." and before I could finish this 6-year old says "Yeah I thought I smelled something burning", without ever looking up.

The sick irony is that I read this one online and was saving it to roast her. I'm proud, but sad. Of course that doesn't mean my campaign of horrid jokes came to an end!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 27
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DeathcampEnthusiast
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 03 2018
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when I was a child we were so poor that my mother made us clothes out of the scraps my dad would bring home from work at the sandpaper factory

It was rough.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 84
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Kinkybenny
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2020
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Photography is very pleasurable for me

It almost feels like Kamera Sutra

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mon0_95
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 02 2019
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Pleasure to meet you, Floating!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/formula_F300
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 12 2019
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My embarrassing hobby is covering the fifth letter of the alphabet in a thin layer of gold …

It's a gilt-E pleasure.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Negative12DollarBill
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 29 2021
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Pleasurable Father's Day

Sitting at the table for Father's Day, my 16 year old daughter decided to be grand in her wishing me a happy father's day.

"Dad, thank you for siring me."

"You're welcome, but, the pleasure was all mine."

My mother in law glared. Everyone else laughed.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AK_Pastor
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 25 2015
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Why do skeletons make good pastors?

They’re impervious to the pleasures of the flesh!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Hephsters
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 10 2021
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If there were a study exploring the pornography preference of people in each country, we could finally see what this world is coming to.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 249
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheHamgurgler
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 22 2016
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My girlfriend thanked me for the videos I sent her from my masturbation session.

The pleasure was all mine.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FrogOnALeash
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 06 2020
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After getting married, the woman filed for divorce the very next morning...........

Judge: "I don't understand, what happened?"

Woman: "I work in a pharmacy. I met him when he first came there last week and asked to purchase an X-X-X-X-L condom. That's when I thought, for a happy pleasureful life, I should get him to marry me before any other girls find out and lap him up."

Judge: "ok.... then? "

Woman: "I held my excitement all day thru the wedding, waiting for the night..... so at night when I my curiosity couldn't wait any longer........I found out something."

Judge: "what?"

Woman: "the Bastard has speech disorder.... he STAMMERS!!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 20 2020
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It's not mine but I found it on r/wholesomememes
πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bcol42
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 14 2019
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My Calculus Professor is having a tough time adjusting to retired life.

He can’t seem to deal with the aftermath.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 88
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 22 2018
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I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....

They're my quilty pleasure

πŸ‘οΈŽ 26
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Lokimonoxide
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 12 2020
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On Father's Day, I thanked my dad for his contribution to my birth.

He said it was his pleasure.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 63
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ChildfreeAtheist1024
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 22 2020
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Last night my wife told me the dentist found a crack in her tooth

As I'm coming out of the shower and talking with my wife she tells me about the crack the dentist found and will need to be fixed. I remind her I've got one that they've been monitoring for a while too. I ask her "you wanna see my crack?"

Of course...I turn around and show her my bare ass....

She tried REALLY hard not to laugh at that.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 52
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SgtMac02
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 21 2016
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Choking Puns, STAT!

A female friend of mine has a sexual fantasy of being choked during sex (which she exposed during a drunken... "moment"), I am a bad person and find great pleasure in exploiting this via subtle public humiliation! SO, what choking puns have we got to offer?! I'd think of my own but I go to say them and I just choke...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jeow91
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 20 2017
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So, your cat lost one of his lives?

I guess now he's an octo-puss.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 54
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/teatimetibbons
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 15 2015
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I was once accused of stealing a subwoofer...

...but the accusations were bassless.

...

I'll see myself out.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 52
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/anaemicpuppy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 30 2014
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An interesting title.

Like many Brits I like a hot drink in the morning. The first one is really special. Dyed gold, and in a golden cup.

It's my gilt tea pleasure.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/fufuxache
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 26 2020
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Why are frog dicks the best?

They ribbit for your pleasure.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Xerotrope
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 21 2019
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I just met a handsome monk...

I just met a handsome monk. He has spent his life abstaining from carnal pleasure. I found him ascetic-ically pleasing.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DavetheTurnip
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 01 2018
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