Imagine my delight yesterday when my 6yr old told me her new teacher's name is Mrs Watt.

Cue about 10mins of me asking "What's her name?"

And her saying "Mrs Watt"

"I don't know, you tell me, what's her name?"

"Mrs Watt"

"What?"

"Yes"

"What's her name?"

"Mrs Watt"

...

...

...

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 138
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/neilmac1210
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 02 2022
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Red sky at night, shepherds delight.

Blue sky at night.....Day ?

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/VERBERD
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 09 2022
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Delighted to say I've finally got a new job installing mirrors!

Nothing fancy, but was something I could always see myself doing.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 9k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/I-am-Just-Sam
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 24 2021
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We would be delighted if you paid your power bill,

but if you don't, you will be.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 26
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/JerewB
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 01 2021
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My 11 yo son got out the car at school the other morning, right at the moment the gritter was driving by us spraying rock salt everywhere..

He got straight back in the car, looked at me with a completely serious face and said โ€œIโ€™ve just been assaultedโ€.

ETA: thank you so much for the awards, I showed him some (SOME!) of the comments ๐Ÿ˜‚ and it made his day, he was delighted that people actually enjoyed his joke to even just upvote and comment on it but actually couldnโ€™t believe that people actually awarded it too (โ€œpeople gave Reddit awards to it?? For my joke?? Like, did they actually mum or are you just saying that?!โ€ so yea, thank you kind Redditors for making my 11yo extremely happy! You guys are the best ๐Ÿ˜Š

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 509
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/mcdubbg
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 17 2022
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Last year on a trip to Germany, I went to a delightful little Christmas Market with my girlfriend. Unfortunately she hated it, apparently there were too many stalls selling sausages.

She always seems to see the wurst in everything

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/TannedCroissant
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 05 2021
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My flashlight died.

I'm delighted.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 809
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/chacham2
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 21 2021
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So today someone broke into my house and stole my light bulbs.

I was delighted.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 97
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/EpicBruhBoy12
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 19 2021
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A man obsessed with trains finally steals one

and immediately crashes it, killing several people.

At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and sentenced to death.

Before he faces his sentence, heโ€™s offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which is given to him.

The next day, heโ€™s led to the electric chair. They strap him in, pull the switch, and... nothing happens.

Thereโ€™s never been a failure before. But because you cannot punish a person twice for the same crime, the court is forced to let him go free.

Within a weekโ€™s time, naturally, the man, who is obsessed with trains, goes and steals another one.

He doesnโ€™t care that he canโ€™t drive it or that he failed catastrophically before; he is obsessed with trains and his only desire is to operate one. As before, he crashes it, and kills several people.

Again, he stands trial, and again, he is sentenced to death, showing no remorse, only delight that he got to operate the train.

His last meal request is a single banana. When he goes to the chair, the executioner pulls the switch, but nothing happens. He goes free again.

The train-obsessed maniac, once more on the loose, wastes no time in hijacking a train and crashing it.

His trial is speedy, because this has already happened twice, and he is sentenced to death.

They ask him what heโ€™d like for his last meal. โ€œA single banana,โ€ he says.

โ€œOh, no you donโ€™t, you son of a bitch. Weโ€™re on to you, now. We know all about your little banana trick, and youโ€™re not escaping this time!โ€

The guards refuse his request, and instead serve him a standard last meal of steak, potatoes, and berry cobbler.

The next morning they strap him into the electric chair, pull the switch, and... nothing happens.

โ€œDid you give him the banana?โ€ demands the head guard.

โ€œNo, sir! He asked for the banana but we didnโ€™t give it to him, we swear!โ€ says one of the guards.

Turns out the banana had nothing to do with anything. He was just a really bad conductor.

show more
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 11k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Soylent_Milk2021
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 08 2021
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Thieves broke into my house last night. I'm delighted.

They stole all my lamps.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/EastlyGod1
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 06 2021
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Someone stole all my lamps. You'd think I'd be upset...

...but I'm actually delighted.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/fizzmore
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 25 2021
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What do you call a candle flame that is happy to be blown out?

Delighted.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 175
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/vehiclesales
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 06 2021
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I know a banana couple going though a difficult divorce...

I'm surprised because I've heard banana spilts are quite delightful

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 64
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/llamalikessugar
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 08 2021
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I broke the lamp outside my neighbor's house yesterday

For some reason he's delighted

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 66
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/RockRida317
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 23 2021
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It was an Udder delight to find a pun in the wild! imgur.com/7SVWJrs
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 26
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Cranky_Windlass
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 09 2020
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I invented a new myth to delight my kids

There once was a greedy ore mining magnate who wished that everything he touched would turn into iron. He was careful to always wear gloves except when making huge loads of ore, except for one day when a mosquito landed on his knee. Not thinking, the magnate slapped his leg with his exposed hand. His knee immediately became metallic and the sudden change to his blood pressure caused almost instantaneous death.

Later in the morgue the Coroner noted that it was a classic example of situational iron knee.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 21
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/CapnFancyPants
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 27 2020
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Frilled? He looks delighted!
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 19
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/grzzlybr
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 23 2019
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Power outages delight me.
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 72
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/cross_beaux
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 22 2018
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My six-year-old daughter just delighted me with a completely original pun: What do you call it when you have to go inside at the end of the day?

Funset!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 1k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Bold0perator
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 29 2015
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A man walked into his home and realizes all of his lamps were stolenโ€ฆ.

He was delighted.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 82
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Free_Commission6940
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 24 2021
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The man was absolutely delighted when somebody stole all of his lights!
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/FrogOnACouch
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 01 2019
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I hope your not as delighted...

Just the other day my neighbors were delighted when they realized someone stole all of their light-bulbs

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/LoveThyLoki
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 15 2020
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What happened to light when it entered a black hole?

It was delighted.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 38
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/SiD_-_-_
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 07 2021
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When baby delights, and pitch of voice increases

We call this high coo.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 42
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/CaptainPatent
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 18 2017
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Design
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Dansydemansy
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 18 2020
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A man who had just died was delivered to the mortuary wearing a beautiful black suit.

The mortician asked the deceasedโ€™s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit heโ€™s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says โ€œI donโ€™t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.โ€ The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, โ€œwhatever this costs Iโ€™m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and Iโ€™m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?โ€ To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says โ€œthereโ€™s no charge.โ€ Shocked she replies โ€œno really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.โ€ โ€œHonestly maโ€™amโ€, the mortician says, โ€œit costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.โ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/PaladinDanza
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 07 2021
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A man entered his home and was absolutely delighted.

Someone had stolen every lamp in his home.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 17
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/fatandsalt
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 06 2018
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What did the Spartacus say when the lion ate his wife?

Nothing he was gladiator.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 545
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/itsthewendigo
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 03 2021
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What a delightful morning ๐Ÿ˜
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/bret46
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 23 2018
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My dad just did this to me

I was puttering around the kitchen legit just now when my dad came in and said: "Hey, son; I got you a new--well, a used iPad."

I turn, really surprised, until he hands me a rather dusty and faded blue eye cover for sleeping.

"It's a used eye pad," he said, eyes full of that "I found a really bad dad joke" delight.

.....

.....Bless my dad's soul.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 355
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Radiant_God
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 28 2021
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I delight in winding up my 12 year old daughter

She utterly hates Dad jokes. This, naturally, only encourages me

So, yesterday

Me: Hey Princess! Did you hear they found some crazy insect on the moon?

Her: This is a dad joke isn't it? Please get out of my room

Me: No really. They're calling it a lunar-tic

Her: OUT!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 132
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ginolard
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 07 2015
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I've created a new sandwich.

Make French toast with an English muffin. Add Canadian bacon, Turkey, and Swiss cheese, then top with Italian and Russian dressing.

I call it the International Incident.

Follow with Turkish Delight or a Danish for dessert!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 10
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Metaencabulator
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 12 2021
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My grandfather's favourite proverb:

"Red sky at night, sailors' delight.

Blue sky at night - you've got the time wrong."

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ExtraSure
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 21 2021
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Video about harvesting Dill with a dillightful abundance of Dill puns youtu.be/nsdraoTnLcA
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/bonobosbananas
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 19 2020
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Every person you have ever met..

Started off in-human.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/jgpitre
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 31 2020
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Do you like potatoes?

Because I find them very a-peeling.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Satans-Kawk
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 06 2020
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Red sky at night, shepherd's delight.

Blue sky at night? Day.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Brucemoose1
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 26 2020
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Red sky at night: shepherdโ€™s delight. Blue sky at night:

Day.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/AAC0813
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 25 2019
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I'm delighted

A burglar stole all my lamps. I should be upset, but Iโ€™m delighted!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 9
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/capngloval
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 24 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
The man entered his house and was absolutely delighted when he realized someone stole every lamp in his house.
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/TheS0d0mizer
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 02 2019
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The man entered his home and Was absolutely delighted to see...

that every one of his lamps were stolen!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/robercharlesvl
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 26 2019
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A man walks into his home to realize that all his lamps were stolen

He was delighted

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/TJPancaker
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 23 2020
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A man entrees his home and is delighted to see...

That all of his lamps have been stolen!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/robercharlesvl
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 26 2019
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A man was delighted when he got inside his house...

...and found out someone stole every lamp in his house.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 12
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/awesomearti
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 02 2018
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A man was so delighted when he walked in his house

And discovered that someone had stolen every lamp

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 14
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Vinccool96
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 31 2018
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Red sky at night, shepherd's delight

meat and potatoes, shepherd's pie.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/mingstaHK
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 06 2017
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A burglar stole all my lamps

I should be upset, but Iโ€™m delighted

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 574
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Koolvin88
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 04 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
Someone stole my lamp!

I was delighted.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 39
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Crafterandchef1993
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 03 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
A man entered his home and discovered that someone had stolen every single lamp present in the house.

He was absolutely delighted.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 351
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/entangled_dicks
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 09 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

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