Cue about 10mins of me asking "What's her name?"
And her saying "Mrs Watt"
"I don't know, you tell me, what's her name?"
"Mrs Watt"
"What?"
"Yes"
"What's her name?"
"Mrs Watt"
...
...
...
Blue sky at night.....Day ?
Nothing fancy, but was something I could always see myself doing.
but if you don't, you will be.
He got straight back in the car, looked at me with a completely serious face and said โIโve just been assaultedโ.
ETA: thank you so much for the awards, I showed him some (SOME!) of the comments ๐ and it made his day, he was delighted that people actually enjoyed his joke to even just upvote and comment on it but actually couldnโt believe that people actually awarded it too (โpeople gave Reddit awards to it?? For my joke?? Like, did they actually mum or are you just saying that?!โ so yea, thank you kind Redditors for making my 11yo extremely happy! You guys are the best ๐
She always seems to see the wurst in everything
I'm delighted.
I was delighted.
and immediately crashes it, killing several people.
At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and sentenced to death.
Before he faces his sentence, heโs offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which is given to him.
The next day, heโs led to the electric chair. They strap him in, pull the switch, and... nothing happens.
Thereโs never been a failure before. But because you cannot punish a person twice for the same crime, the court is forced to let him go free.
Within a weekโs time, naturally, the man, who is obsessed with trains, goes and steals another one.
He doesnโt care that he canโt drive it or that he failed catastrophically before; he is obsessed with trains and his only desire is to operate one. As before, he crashes it, and kills several people.
Again, he stands trial, and again, he is sentenced to death, showing no remorse, only delight that he got to operate the train.
His last meal request is a single banana. When he goes to the chair, the executioner pulls the switch, but nothing happens. He goes free again.
The train-obsessed maniac, once more on the loose, wastes no time in hijacking a train and crashing it.
His trial is speedy, because this has already happened twice, and he is sentenced to death.
They ask him what heโd like for his last meal. โA single banana,โ he says.
โOh, no you donโt, you son of a bitch. Weโre on to you, now. We know all about your little banana trick, and youโre not escaping this time!โ
The guards refuse his request, and instead serve him a standard last meal of steak, potatoes, and berry cobbler.
The next morning they strap him into the electric chair, pull the switch, and... nothing happens.
โDid you give him the banana?โ demands the head guard.
โNo, sir! He asked for the banana but we didnโt give it to him, we swear!โ says one of the guards.
Turns out the banana had nothing to do with anything. He was just a really bad conductor.
They stole all my lamps.
...but I'm actually delighted.
Delighted.
I'm surprised because I've heard banana spilts are quite delightful
For some reason he's delighted
There once was a greedy ore mining magnate who wished that everything he touched would turn into iron. He was careful to always wear gloves except when making huge loads of ore, except for one day when a mosquito landed on his knee. Not thinking, the magnate slapped his leg with his exposed hand. His knee immediately became metallic and the sudden change to his blood pressure caused almost instantaneous death.
Later in the morgue the Coroner noted that it was a classic example of situational iron knee.
Funset!
He was delighted.
Just the other day my neighbors were delighted when they realized someone stole all of their light-bulbs
It was delighted.
We call this high coo.
The mortician asked the deceasedโs wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit heโs already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says โI donโt care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.โ The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, โwhatever this costs Iโm very satisfied, you did an excellent job and Iโm incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?โ To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says โthereโs no charge.โ Shocked she replies โno really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.โ โHonestly maโamโ, the mortician says, โit costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.โ
Someone had stolen every lamp in his home.
Nothing he was gladiator.
I was puttering around the kitchen legit just now when my dad came in and said: "Hey, son; I got you a new--well, a used iPad."
I turn, really surprised, until he hands me a rather dusty and faded blue eye cover for sleeping.
"It's a used eye pad," he said, eyes full of that "I found a really bad dad joke" delight.
.....
.....Bless my dad's soul.
She utterly hates Dad jokes. This, naturally, only encourages me
So, yesterday
Me: Hey Princess! Did you hear they found some crazy insect on the moon?
Her: This is a dad joke isn't it? Please get out of my room
Me: No really. They're calling it a lunar-tic
Her: OUT!
Make French toast with an English muffin. Add Canadian bacon, Turkey, and Swiss cheese, then top with Italian and Russian dressing.
I call it the International Incident.
Follow with Turkish Delight or a Danish for dessert!
"Red sky at night, sailors' delight.
Blue sky at night - you've got the time wrong."
Started off in-human.
Because I find them very a-peeling.
Blue sky at night? Day.
Day.
A burglar stole all my lamps. I should be upset, but Iโm delighted!
that every one of his lamps were stolen!
He was delighted
That all of his lamps have been stolen!
...and found out someone stole every lamp in his house.
And discovered that someone had stolen every lamp
meat and potatoes, shepherd's pie.
I should be upset, but Iโm delighted
I was delighted.
He was absolutely delighted.
