Plastering Puns

......what a great cast!!

It was a relief

At least that’s the impression I get.

It's a hollow cast.

Manufacturers are determined to find a band-aid solution.

Me, being fed up with him always boasting, I asked," How could you even do that?"

With a smug smile plastered on his face, he replied," Thermal Signature."

Well, I wouldn't put it plaster

One more crack like that, and I'll plaster you!

Thought I'd plaster it all over the Internet.

One day, while working on new walls, Mike knocked over a bucket covering John with its contents. Later, when they return to the office, their boss pulls John aside and asks what happened to him, the conversation was as follows:

Boss- What the hell happened to you guys today?

John- Well, Mike kicked the bucket, then I got plastered.

Bf and I were doing some re- plastering in the house yesterday. All the spatula work was really starting to hurt my wrist.

Me: "Damn, honey. My wrist really hurts from all this work."

Him: "Would you say you need some wrist training?"

Me: "Hmmmm...yeah I guess that would help..."

Him: "Then you need a wrist training order"

groans

A director and a costume designer had a disagreement over a critical shot in the horror movie they were filming in their studio.

The director planned to use CGl for a brief but critical reveal-shot of the movie's monster. But the costume designer insisted they use an actual costume instead of CGl.

"CGl makes a movie look cheap these days," she proclaimed.

The two of them continued debating until they began arguing. The stage crew, actors on break, and other people around them began watching until both the costume designer and director were shouting over each other at the top of their lungs. Despite their efforts, nobody could calm them down.

Fearing the incident may lead to blows, one of cameramen called a studio security guard in urgent request. The guard arrived a minute later and made a beeline for the director and costume designer, who were being held back by multiple people on set.

"lt's my movie. l make the decisions!" the director hollered, hoarse and red in the eyes.

"The movie quality will suffer!" the costume designer screamed, hair plastered across her sweaty face.

The security guard stepped in-between them and raised his pistol at the ceiling without a word. They continued to argue around him. There was a bark of gunshot, then nothing but silence and some falling plaster.

"Now see here," the guard said loudly, stepping back to look at the two of them. "Either you two quit your bickering or l'll have to escort you off the premises. You're making a scene."

so my mothers friend andy is helping her install a new TV, and this string of puns resulted:

ME: thanks for helping out around here, nice to have an ANDY-man

ANDY: oh that was a good one

BROTHER: i Don't know, i thought the delivery was kinda WOODEN

ME: wow, thanks for HAMMERING that home, pesonally i think i NAILED it, so SCREW you

BROTHER: will you just CONTRACT aids already (edgy ik)

ME: oh come on, i don't think you're being very CONSTRUCTIVE

BROTHER: i'm sorry, feeling a little PLASTERED right now.

Both of us: burst out laughing

One of my favorite activities is hiking, and my Dad absolutely detests hiking, so I thought it was a little odd when he asked me if I wanted to go hiking. I said yes, and we did. Then a few days later he asked me to go hiking again. It took about six trips in total for me to answer with "Count me in!" Then, with the biggest smirk in the world plastered on his face he proudly said "One."

He went hiking with my six times in the hopes that eventually I would say count me in, and he could use that joke. Bravo, Dad. Bravo.

While walking through the art festival with the family, I was showing my kids how anything could be considered art when we came across plaster castings of animal head bones.

Without missing a beat, I pointed out: "I guess this would be called skulptures"

At least the artist laughed... when my youngest told me I wasn't funny

They were too plastered.

Bought a new house with plaster walls, mentioned I needed a stud finder to hang pictures.

Parents come over today to see grandchild and my mom looks at my dad and asks did you bring the stud finder?

My dad immediately responds "Why would I need too, I'm here aren't I?"

At least that’s the impression that I get.

"One more crack like that, and I will plaster you."