Why did the guy with gluten allergy skip leg day?
'Cause he couldn't train his glutes!
The second cowboy is relieved to be alive, and thankful that he knew that that was no bacon tree.
It was a ham bush
Some people may consider this hippo-critical
They simply can’t be topped
I was in the kitchen with John Lennon about to do the dishes and I turned to him and said:
"Right John, I've got my washing up basin, sponges, hot water, the dishes themselves of course...is that it am I ready to go? Do I need anything else?"
And John turned to me and said-
>!"All you need is glove!<
>!All you need is glove,!<
>!All you need is glove,glove!<
>!Glove is all you need"!<
He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.
As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.
Obviously, they were thinking, "That poor old couple...all they can afford is one meal for the two of them."
As the man began to eat his fries, a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple.
The old man said, they were just fine, they were used to sharing everything.
People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite.
She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them.
This time the old woman said, "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything."
Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked, "What is it you are waiting for?"
She answered, "THE TEETH!"
During the sad movie, the Vanilla cream Bun cried while the Plain Bun did not... Why?
- Cause the Vanilla cream Bun had fillings~
The Vanilla cream Bun went to the cinema again but this time with the Chocolate cream Bun. However, the Chocolate cream Bun cried but not the Vanilla cream Bun... Why?
- Cause the buns has different fillings~
It's only a phase, after all.
...he found it a bit pointless.
…but only margarine-ally so.
But every time I do they fall flat.
Because he’s a commentator.
When I got off my flight I overheard "Pretty plane eh?"
But flights are so expensive this time of year!
The hole family pitches in
Great helicopters
They're afraid the inmates will pick lox.
"What did the earthworm say when offered some soil?"
I don't know, what?
"No I'm good, but thank you for the sediment."
but i waSavannahard time coming up with a punchline
So my dad and I are driving through Colorado and see a handful of structures that look like giant golf balls on the plains. We start discussing what they are when I muster up my best William Shatner voice and go "There.. Is some... Thing... On... The plains..." and die laughing. Made dad proud. Rest of the car, not so much.
Yesterday a large package arrived from UPS. it was a bat house my mother had ordered. As my mother excitedly opened the package, I asked why we need a bat house. My dad steps into the room and says "Because your mother is bat shit crazy. " And stepped back out.
Because nothing tops it
