Did you hear about the scandal-plagued politician who insisted on taking the elevator?

He refused to step down!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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My Swedish sedan was plagued by years of maintenance issues

It was quite the Saab story

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ultimateorangutan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
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Plague doctors their masks kinda look like birds

I guess that's why they call them quacks

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Baked_Ermo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
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Mnemonic Plague can never be forgotten.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fingers
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?

He was dead lifting.

Edit: Wow! Went to bed, went to work, checked this post, and holy hell did it blow up! Thanks for the awards, funny add-one and dad jokes! This sub is awesome!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/35mmPirate
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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Did you hear about the thrift store in Boston....

... that's been plagued with unexpected phenomenon and ghost sightings recently? Well, Matt Damon has decided he wants to make a movie out of the story.

It's going to be called Goodwill Haunting

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jackrabbits1im
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
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How is Pokemon like the Bubonic Plague?

You can always catch a bulbous sore.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fermatajack
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
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To steal someone's research material on plague is to

Plaguerize

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
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Where do unvaccinated children play ?

In the plague ground.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
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Plague, inc.

My brother was describing the game Plague, inc. to my dad this morning. Here's how it went down:

Brother: So in this game, you have to make a disease, choose all of its characteristics, and then try to infect as many people in the world as possible.

Dad: That's kind of sick

Many groans were had by all.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/misterjake96
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2014
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How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?

They played rock paper Caesar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PLUMBUM2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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All work and no plague makes for a very different 13th Century.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mairiphinc
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
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What do you call an irishman with the plague?

A Lepercon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Infamous_Swede
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2018
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What did people say when they caught the Black Plague?

Aw rats

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hyperzombieRS
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2018
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There was an old hermit who lived in a cave and walked a lot, but didn't have shoes. He also didn't have the greatest health and had really bad breath. They called him the:

Super Calloused Fragile Mystic Plagued with Halitosis.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/l8rry394
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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COVID-19 is

Putting a strain on our relationships

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wkono
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
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I have a joke about the Black Plague

But you won't get it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FenixFaust
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2018
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What do you call someone who worships diseases?

A plague-an

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OniLewds
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
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My proudest one eved
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ghostie20
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
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What is the official game of Corona Virus Quarantine?

Solitaire.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bad11ama
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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What’s COVID-19’s favorite chord progression?

A plague-al cadence

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smolprincess928
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
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What’s a pornstars favorite bird?

A Swallow

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DjBWren
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
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We should be scared at going to the park

Because there's a plague ground.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/filmememore
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
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I was wondering about that new movie about deadly diseases...

Did you catch The Plague?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/404wav
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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John the Baptist

John the Baptist of Biblical fame used to walk through the desert in his bare feet. This left his feet tough, which is understandable- the hot sand and rough terrain would leave anyone's feet tough. He was known to receive signs from God and occasionally perform mystical feats. He subsisted on a diet of locusts and honey. Without access to dental hygiene at the time, this left him with somewhat bad breath. It also left him frail, as the diet wasn't varied and would have required an immense intake of food to be remotely sustained.

I guess that you could say that he was a super-callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/edpeters1
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
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A cartoonist was found dead in the apartment...

The details are sketchy.

Courtsey - Plague Inc.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timetokill87
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
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Why did the ghost die?

He got the boooobonic plague

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πŸ‘€︎ u/freakinhilarious
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2018
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I was nervous to move from California to Texas

I didn't want to catch the blue bonnet plague

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dsherwoodmathman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2018
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What disease do ghosts catch?

The boobonic plague.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2016
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Dawn of the Planet of the Apes OST
  1. "Level Plaguing Field"
  2. "Look Who’s Stalking"
  3. "The Great Ape Processional"
  4. "Past Their Primates"
  5. "Close Encounters of the Furred Kind"
  6. "Monkey to the City"
  7. "The Lost City of Chimpanzee"
  8. "Along Simian Lines"
  9. "Caesar No Evil, Hear No Evil"
  10. "Monkey See, Monkey Coup"
  11. "Gorilla Warfare" 7:37
  12. "The Apes of Wrath"
  13. "Gibbon Take"
  14. "Aped Crusaders"
  15. "How Bonobo Can You Go"
  16. "Enough Monkeying Around"
  17. "Primates for Life"
  18. "Planet of the End Credits"
  19. "Ain’t That a Stinger"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/walruspowers
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2014
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My father at dinner

While my brother was eating his salad, my dad casually stated, "be careful eating so many croutons, or you could catch the croutonic plague."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-el-oh-el-
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2015
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Dad joked my boss last week

So I got sick from food poisoning eating at a restaurant here called "Blue Bonnet"

When I called in to tell my boss that I wouldn't be coming in, I told him "I have the Blue Bonnet plague"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wpatter6
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2014
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What do you call a place where little zombie kids play?

The plague-ground.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yawus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2014
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Plague inc is a sick game
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jesuscristIJB
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
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Because Ghandi was barefoot all the time and had bad hygiene...

He was a super calloused fragile mystic plagued by halitosis.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2017
🚨︎ report

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