Pistachio Nut Puns

Under a buck

I was about to try a diet of almonds, pecans, cashews, and pistachios. Once I told my doctor, he told me to try a diet that wasn't completely nuts.

My wife texted me saying "we've been nuts all day", as in busy. I asked her "what kind?" And then proceeded to rattle off her co-workers names paired with nuts of the same letter, eg: Cashew Crissy, Pistachio Patty.

Then I laughed like an idiot for 5 minutes.

Him: "Nah, I'm not getting sick. It's all in the head. Like allergies. I used to be allergic to pistachios, but now I'm not!" starts eating some pistachios

Me: "Did you really used to be allergic to them?"

Him: "No, of course not. That would be nuts!"

Wow, these pistachios are nuts!

So my girlfriend and family and i are sitting around a campfire and around the circle my dad is passing around a bag of nuts and pistachios and my dad says to us: "anyone want my nut sack?" And just laughs to himself.

Wtf dad