Every time I travel to a new city, I like to take a picture of myself in front of the tomes of books...

I just have to take shelfies!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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I found a picture of a dark basalt rock inscribed with a runic "w" in my book.

That's a wyn-whin in my book.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/1wrd
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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*On a date*

Date: So, what do you do?

Me: * holds up menu * you just pick one from this picture book of meals.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 851
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Niyi_M
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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A Panda Walks into a Bar

A panda walks into a bar one day. He casually walks to the bar and sits on a bar stool.

The bartender thinks this is a bit odd, a panda walking into a bar isnโ€™t something that normally happens to him.

He approaches the panda regardless and asks, โ€œWhat can I get you?โ€

The panda grabs a menu off the bar, opens it and points to a cheeseburger.

The bartender is very impressed by this and so he decides to go ahead and make the cheeseburger for the panda.

The panda gets his cheeseburger, devours it, savoring every last bit. He then wipes its mouth with a napkin, impressing the bartender even more.

But then suddenly the panda pulls out a gun and shoots everyone in the bar, except for the bartender.

The bartender stands there in total shock, soaked in blood, and can only ask the panda, โ€œWhy?โ€

The panda pulls a dictionary from his fur coat and turns to the bartender. He flips the book to the P section, places it on the bar, and points to his picture. Then he turns and walks out the door without looking back.

The bartender leans down and reads the entry next to Panda. It saysโ€ฆ

โ€œPanda: A wild animal that eats, shoots and leaves.โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 98
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Donorob
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
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my son just became a father last week,

so i know it was finally time. i went to his house and gave him my most treasured gift: my book "1001 Dad Jokes" he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said " thank you so much, im honored" which made me start crying. i responded with the only thing i could say "hi honored im dad"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SkyTheShyGuy
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 05 2018
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10 Stupid Puns
  1. My friend once told me she watched Regular Show all the time. I said, "I guess you could say you watch it regularly." We are not friends anymore. (True Story)

  2. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

  3. I wanted to take pictures of the fog this morningโ€ฆ But Iย mistย my chance. I guess I couldย dewย itย tomorrow!

  4. Looks tasty. Gimme a pizza that.

  5. Why do eggs hate jokes? The answers always crack them up!

  6. What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the refrigerator? "Hey, close the door! I'm dressing!"

  7. Somebody stole all my lampsโ€ฆ. And I couldn't be more de-lighted!

  8. I once met a pig that did karateโ€ฆ We called him Pork Chop!

  9. Coffee has a rough time in our house. It gets mugged every single morning!

  10. My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve!

(Source For All Puns Except The First) https://bestlifeonline.com/bad-funny-puns/

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/punsdaily
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
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From my linear algebra textbook
๐Ÿ‘︎ 742
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/StaleTheBread
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 04 2017
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A Dad joke planted as a seed, which took 17 years to flower.

Not quite as tragic, but it manifested into something which has haunted me at my job for years.

When I was a little kid learning about the world around me, my dad was naturally the font of all knowledge for me, He would answer all of little snippersmith's questions with his own unique insights and anecdotes teaching me of my surroundings with varying degrees of accuracy.

One day In a picture book, I encountered a photo of one of natures most bizarre creatures, the mighty duck billed platypus. Filled with curiosity of this bizarre creature and an Inability to read a young snippersmith asked his father what this creature was called, To which his father replied,

That's a Quackopotamous.....

As is a highly likely situation in day to day life the Platypus (or indeed the Quackopotamous), did not come into conversation for another 17 years, Until of course the Platypus came into conversation around the lunch table at a now grown up snippersmith's full time place of work.

I have not been allowed to forget I thought the Platypus was called a Quackopotamous, Indeed I am reminded on a daily basis by my colleagues, by my nickname Quackopotamous .

Thanks Dad.

EDIT 1: Holy Cow this took off! Gold! thank you so much.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/snippersmith
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 21 2016
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A picture's worth a thousand words

Especially if it's a picture of a book.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/StupidBunnyBoy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
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I love ruining the plot of Dorian Gray for people

Never gets old.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 27
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jxf
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 05 2017
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Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasnโ€™t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? โ€œMy Fare, Ladyโ€.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physicianโ€™s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


โ€œWhatโ€™s purple and 5000 miles long?โ€ โ€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!โ€


Every calendarโ€™s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. โ€œFour bucks,โ€ says the bartender. โ€œPut it on my bill.โ€


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When heโ€™s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle canโ€™t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Punsville
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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7 year old daughter is going to be a great dad

Daughter reading a book about animals and sees a picture of a pig. Girl: Mom that pig is to dry, he needs some oinkment. Wife: You are your father's daughter. While I laughed proudly.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/lost_jefe
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 11 2015
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Tragic victim of dad joke

I went to the library with the kids (7 y/o girl, 3 y/o boy) I nanny and got all these children's books for the little boy. We got home and I opened them to read to him and there were no words. Just pictures. Me: Are you kidding me? Little girl: What is it? Me: This book has no words! Girl: You shouldn't of judged the book by its cover. Needless to say she owned me

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Supernanny9108
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 13 2013
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