Phone Charger Puns

The results are shocking.

I think it’s fair to say she had a... shocking experience.

I felt so powerless.

"They moved to LA" I replied.
(We live in San Diego.)

Because they were charged with... battery!

He said "because chicks love a man with power."

My 14 year old daughter got up from the table after eating a bowl of cereal, so I told her to put the milk away. Then we had this exchange:

"Before you put that back in the fridge, why don't you plug it into the iPhone charger on the counter first?"

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Yeah, you gotta charge up that milk. It's only at one percent!"

I say it so often now that my kids stopped eating cereal, and have pretty much cut dairy from their diets.

I bought a Dodge Charger recently and thought of the perfect custom license plate today, "PHONE"

Me: I hate that everyone keeps taking my cell phone charger in this house. I'm gonna upgrade my phone so can have a different charging port.

Wife: That's a poor excuse for wanting an upgrade.

Me: You mean a port excuse?

Wife: Ugh.

Why isn't an Apple iPhone charger, called apple juice!?!?

1. What is the most important drink in life?

Vitali-tea.

2. What do you call an uptight man with wet tapestry?

A wet blanket with a wet blanket.

3. Describe an uptight man with an erection holding an alcoholic beverage.

A stiff with a stiff with a stiff.

4. What do you call introverted window blinds?

A shutter-in.

5. What do you call an uncooked deer cookie?

Dat doe dough 'dough.

6. What do you call a plant's religion?

Agri-culture.

7. What do you call a football players' phone charger?

A Charger's phone charger.

8. What do you call a clock tower striking twelve?

High noon.

That's all I got.

• What's the difference between mononucleosis and herpes? You get mono from snatching kisses.

• If you were to lose your left arm, you'd be all right.

• Why can't you hear a pteradactyl going to the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

• Communists only write in lower-case letters because they hate capitalism.

• I got a new job at the police sketching pictures of suspects. I'm a con artist.

• Cat Woman's real name is Catherine Woman.

• I have a new cat joke. ...Just kitt'en.

• How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for Fresh Prints. *

• Did you hear about the two men who stole a calendar? They got six months each.

• I just saw an Apple store get robbed. Does that make me an iWitness?

• Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.

• I'm moving to Seoul. I was told it would be a good Korea move.

• Did you hear about the professor who was killed in a car accident? He was grading papers on a curve.

• Why isn't an iPhone charger called Apple Juice?

• Ever try to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

• When Peter Pan throws punches, they Never Land.

• I was struggling to understand how lightning works, but then it struck me.

• Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time, too.

• Apparently Neil Armstrong used to tell unfunny jokes about the moon, and then follow up with, "Ah, I guess you had to be there."

• I'm going to make a TV series about a plane hijacking. We just shot the pilot.

• Would you call a drunk working at an upholstery a recovering alcoholic?

• Yesterday I got covered in ketchup from my head tomatoes.

• Even though I've gone bald, I still keep the same comb I've had for 20 years. I just can't part with it.

• Picture of my sister after getting her nose pierced "She nose something!"

• I went to the dentist and showed him my cavity. He told me to pull up my pants and get the hell out.

• Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It was okay - he woke up.

• So what if I can't spell armageddon. It's not the end of the world.

• When you get an infection, urine trouble.

• "Hey waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!" "Yes, sir; it's fresh ground."

• How did the butcher introduce his wife? "Meat Patty."

• Elton John is a great piano player, but he sucks on the organ.

• Elton John wrote a tribute to Amy Winehouse: Candle Under the Spoon *

• What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke. *

*My absolut

• RM: (phone dying) I left my charger at work.
• Me: But you have a Dart.
• RM: What does that have to do... GOD DAMMIT!!!!

I don't really remember it well, so I'll paraphrase:

SON: Ugh, my phone is almost out of power, and my charger doesn't work.

DAD: When'd it break?

SON: A few months ago.

DAD: Then how have you been charging it?

SON: Well, I've been charging it over at Austin's ^([His friend, I imagine])

DAD: So you've been using Austin's Power?

Dev: "He seems nice."

Grandma Carol: "I don't like him. He steals our phone chargers."

Dev: "I don't think thats really a profitable racket... "

Grandma Carol: it's not about the money; it's about the power!

He asked me if we sold any phone chargers. I told him yes and asked if he needed a house charger or a car charger.

He replied "No, I need it for my phone"

Dad: Are you sure you don't want to bring this [additional phone charger]?

Me: Dad, I have so many chargers packed...they're going to think I have weapons of mass conduction!

Me: *unwrapping presents"

"Aww cool, it's a 10 foot phone charger!"

Dad: "Do you even have a 10 foot phone?"