I once worked in a kitchen full of philosophers...

They could never decide which to prep first, the chicken or the eggs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sjmaeff
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2021
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What type of sandwich did the philosopher get

A Philly-osophy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lemonade_Cherry
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2021
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My new neighbour asked what I did for a living, and I told her that I'm an existentialist philosopher...

Her: "So what does that mean, you just sit around thinking about being all day?"

Me: "No, some days I also think about nothing."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/antastic
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
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What is the philosopher's favorite element?

Plato-nium

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ja1FdC
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
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I guess I know what those philosophers said when they ate bread for the first time

They said "why dough?"

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
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What did the nomad philosopher say?

I wander.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZeldaChima
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
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Who is the hungriest philosopher?

Nom Chompsky!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PonchoHondo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
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My favorite Star Wars character is a philosopher
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iamapizza
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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Why did the philosopher quit his job as a pilot?

He wanted to reach a different plane of existence

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πŸ‘€︎ u/XxSaint_JimmyxX
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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Someone asked me to name a greater philosopher than Nietzsche.

I. Kant

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πŸ‘€︎ u/twilling8
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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Budweiser harvest(?)
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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Karl Marx is a historically famous philosopher, but no one mentions his sister

Onya, the inventor of the starting pistol

πŸ‘︎ 654
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gattica97
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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What philosopher appealed to only a small, select group of people?

Friederich Niche!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CognitiveNerd1701
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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I taught my kid to speed read today. He read Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone in 3 hours!

I know its only 6 words.. but its a start!

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joshua_you-ng
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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Drinking beer with a philosopher....

Makes you nothing Budweiser.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trelas_123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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Why do marine biologists make good philosophers?

Because they spend their lives search for porpoise.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nalydpsycho
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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Which philosopher do cows love the most?

Albert Camus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tinsilprincess
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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My favorite philosopher
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LazyYoda
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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What does the philosophical dolphin think about?

What is my porpoise

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πŸ‘€︎ u/seafaringajax
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
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Which ancient Greek Philosopher had a foot fetish?

Play-toe.

.

...or was it Sock-rates?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?

An offer you can't understand.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
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What is it called when you spend an hour in the bookstore browsing for German philosophers?

A Schopenhauer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HudsonSlaby
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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I taught my kid speed reading and I’m proud to say that he managed to finish β€œHarry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” in an hour and a half.

I know it’s only six words, but it’s a start.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2018
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The founder of modern study.
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UnsteadyKoala
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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I found a specific hobby of adding alliteration to German philosophers’ names

Glad I found my Nietzsche niche

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Plumsby
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
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What do you call a Greek philosopher who loves rice?

Arisotto

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πŸ‘€︎ u/matt_read
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
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A friend didn't want to stop telling me all about his philosophical ideas.

So I told him to stop being such a Kant!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elendS
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
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What do they call a philosophical monk that works at McDonald's?

A deep friar

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/waldo06
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
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This is an image of an obese, yet philosophical man of the cloth.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shuffle-Tee
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
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What do you call a philosopher who is unable to do anything?

Kant

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
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Me, trying to sound smart: So, who is your favorite philosopher?

Her: It’s Hume.

Me: Sorry, whom is your favorite philosopher?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
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Did you hear about the incredibly average philosopher?

His name was mediocrates.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir-Juaby
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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He was the greatest philosopher of the canine community.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AmethystMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
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What do you call a flirtatious philosopher?

Socratease

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ironicplatypus84
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
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What did the photocopier philosopher say?

I print, therefor I am.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_normski
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "You are in here a lot, do you think you have a drinking problem?"

The horse says, "I don't think so," then disappears into nothing.

This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. The classic philosophy put forward by RenΓ© Descartes.

But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearfeedmitch
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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Who was the fastest philosopher?

Mach1-avelli

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shamanspiff
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
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Which philosophical text do children best relate with?

Play Dough’s β€œThe Republic”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hephsters
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
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I was asked to give the first initial and last name of my favorite philosopher

But I said I Kant.

πŸ‘︎ 927
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πŸ‘€︎ u/avisser
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2017
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What do you call it if you have philosophical conversation with a friend when the weekend starts?

A deep Fry-day

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stor_e_teller
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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Greek philosophers have strange names
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dagobertdoc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
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What is the name of the greatest philosopher to ever live?

Question Mark

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
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Philosophical Hunger

Yesterday, I purchased 2 sandwiches because I was very hungry - a chicken salad sandwich and an egg salad sandwich. My dilemma was I had no idea which one I should eat first.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Son11Grace
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
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Philosophers have really good....

Depth perception

This is deep

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joker-here
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
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How did they recover the frozen philosopher from the ice?

The process was simple; it was well thought out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Word_art_Online
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
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What is the english philosopher’s favourite food

Hammmmm

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bro4_5_6
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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Which philosopher was the best footballer?

Soccerates

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πŸ‘€︎ u/countermagic89
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
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I am teaching my kid speed reading and I’m proud to say that he managed to finish β€œHarry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” in an hour and a half.

I know it’s only six words, but it’s a start.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
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