Why do vampires only play the penny and nickel slot machines?
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︎ May 29 2021
The park ranger told me that he would donate all the pennies, nickles, and quarters thrown into the wishing well to my charity.....
I guess I shouldn't be surprised that he never gave me a single dime!
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︎ May 23 2021
Lawyer: My client is trapped inside a penny.
Judge: What?
Lawyer: He's in a cent.
Judge: You're going to jail with him.
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︎ Mar 18 2021
Penny production with Abraham Lincolnβs face seems to be quite low this year.
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︎ Mar 04 2021
Using my telescope, I could barely make out the British coin worth one fourth of a penny after I launched it into the upper atmosphere...
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︎ Feb 12 2021
Did you hear about the man who only collected rare pennies?
He didn't have a lot of common cents.
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︎ Oct 15 2020
My Aunt Penny keeps coming back to life after her cremation
I guess itβs true... a penny urned is a penny saved.
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︎ Oct 19 2020
Penny for your thoughts?
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︎ Aug 09 2019
Did you hear about the neighbors floor made out of 10,000 pennies?
Looks like a hundred bucks!
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︎ Oct 05 2020
I just learned how the penny press at the mint works.
It makes cents if you think about it.
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︎ Oct 05 2020
If I had a penny for everyone who asked me to look after their dogs,
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︎ Mar 18 2020
Making pennies is very practical...
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︎ Aug 07 2020
That penny will drop!
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︎ Apr 15 2019
Doesn't he need to change? I bet his best friend's name is penny.
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︎ Jun 21 2020
Math can be so hard sometimes. The problem was, "Sally had 32 pennies. She gave 32 pennies away to her friend Robin. How many pennies does Sally have left?"
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︎ Jun 27 2020
What do you call a cage filled with Quarters, Dimes, and Pennies?
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︎ Jan 30 2020
Thereβs this coin wrapper that can roll any coin: pennies, nickels, dimes etc. Just roll it up to a marked spot and voila, a perfect roll.
My favorite wrapper is the fifty cent piece
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︎ May 29 2020
Penny for your thoughts on the coin shortage?
I can't make heads or tails of it. It just doesn't make cents. I guess the way people pay needs some change.
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︎ Jul 17 2020
This just happened: I explained to my 11 year-old niece that wheat pennies are/were a thing. She didnβt believe me, so she looked it up on grandmaβs phone. To our surprise, we learned that there are some people selling wheat pennies online for *thousands* to *TENS* *of* *thousands* of dollars.
To which I said, βThat doesnβt make cents.β
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︎ Jun 08 2020
How long until the penny drops on this shocker
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︎ Feb 04 2020
Penny Loafers
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︎ Dec 02 2019
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︎ Apr 26 2018
In for a penny out for a pound
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︎ Sep 04 2019
My wife and kids laughed when they saw me chase a penny which rolled down the drain.
They were having fun at my ex pence.
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︎ Mar 03 2020
Daughter had a balloon with a penny in it.
So, for Easter, my wife and I got our 2-year-old an array of balloons from a delivery service, including some pre-inflated pieces you could βbuild your own butterflyβ with, etc. It was pretty cool, but coolest of all was this clear balloon pretty tightly inflated with a single penny in it, and if you shook the balloon enough, the penny would eventually find its way to circling the inside of the balloon.
Those balloons lasted for weeks, until today. If youβve ever seen a clear balloon deflate, you know it gets a little yellow and opaque.
My wife found it laying around and brought it to me, saying, βThis looks like a condom with a penny in it.β And I said, βThatβs why they call it a money shot.β
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︎ Apr 27 2020
How many pennies in a roll of pennies have a Lincoln face?
It's actually one per cent.
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︎ Mar 25 2020
I was paying for my groceries at the store when I realized I was short a few pennies.
I asked the cashier if they had a take-a-penny leave-a-penny. They said "No", to which I retorted "that doesn't make any cents".
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︎ May 17 2020
I've just been scammed! Someone offered me a penny for my thoughts but...
Before I knew it, they had gotten my two cents.
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︎ Sep 07 2019
People who died penny less didn't accept change
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︎ Dec 02 2019
I asked God, βHow long is a million years?β He said, βA minute.β I asked God, βHow much is a million dollars?β He said, βA penny.β So I asked God for a penny and he said.,,
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︎ Mar 16 2020
The fact that we're still minting the penny even though it costs nearly twice as much as it's worth makes no cents.
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︎ Jun 09 2018
Did you hear about the penny that was forced to do something against its will?
It did not give con cent.
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︎ Mar 28 2020
The plural of penny is pence
But we just say pennies because it makes more cents
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︎ Aug 31 2017
My friend showed me his plans to produce a machine that makes pennies. At first, his concept didn't plausible...
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︎ Dec 04 2019
My wife doesn't like my rare penny collection...
She says it lacks common cents
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︎ Aug 27 2019
Tesco's are putting vodka up a penny tomorrow to Β£20.
So tonight I'm gonna party like it's Β£19.99
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︎ Aug 28 2019
Im gonna start making batting cage business that only accepts pennies, dimes,quarters, half dollars, and dollar coins
Gonna call it Nickel-less Cage
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︎ Oct 30 2019
How do you measure the size of a picture made out of pennies?
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︎ Nov 24 2019
I can't believe we still make pennies when it costs more than they're worth.
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︎ Apr 08 2017
Today at the store the cashier gave me 2 pennies in change and said have a nice day, donβt spend it all in one place.
I said thanks for your 2 cents.
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︎ Nov 11 2019
If I had a penny for every time someone didn't understand me
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︎ Aug 19 2018
Did you know, in 1910 the term "Penny Arcade" was first coined.
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︎ Oct 06 2019
I went into my favorite bar and asked for a Bud.The bartender, we'll call her Penny, say's you have to tell me who makes it first.Kinda stumped I said Anheiser Busch.She said "just fine,and hows your dick."
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︎ Mar 30 2019
Lawyer says, my client is trapped in a penny
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︎ Jan 16 2021
Lawyer: My client is trapped inside a penny!
Judge: Stuck in a penny?
Lawyer: Yes, heβs in a cent!
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︎ May 01 2019
Pennies are common cents
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︎ Apr 17 2019
My wife is furious at my rare penny collection.
She says it completely lacks common cents.
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︎ Apr 18 2019
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