Why are there no ducks on the pond at Buckingham palace?

Because it is for no bills only

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HueyLameass
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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While driving down in a part of town we don't usually visit, my 12yo son noticed and mentioned a barber shop named Roman Palace.

I told him they only do Caesar cuts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mwdavisii
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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The latest royal baby just began speaking today! No comment from Buckingham Palace so far.

Apparently, Mum's the word.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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The Queen recently knighted the Buckingham Palace IT guy.

He is now Sir Ver.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/freedoomed
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2018
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My dad got me while listing the legislative buildings of several countries. He said, β€œThe US has Capitol Hill, Germany has the Reichstag Building, the UK has the Palace of Westminster...

...and Australia has the Outback Statehouse.”

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2018
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A detecrive was investigating a murder over at the Disney Palace

Looking at his chart of suspects, he banged his fist against the wall, "It could be any one of these three!"

Then, a silhouetted figure spoke out, "It's suspect number 1."

"The one from Norte Dame? How can you be sure?"

Quasimodo then steps out of the shadows with a knife behind his back, "Let's just say that I've got a hunch."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Majike03
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2018
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What is the biggest mammal that lives in a palace?

The prince of Wales

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mbwanderski
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2018
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I've never played poker in my life, so I had quite a bit of trouble in the loo when I was in Her Majesty The Queen's palace..

You see, I don't know much about the royal flush.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Apostjustforthis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2017
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Mom Dad jokes Dad at Buckingham Palace

During lunch, after a tour through Buckingham Palace my dad is reading through information about Queen Elizabeth and the Palace. He reads aloud, "oh it says here the Queen races pigeons for fun in the summers"

Mom fires back, "do you think they give her a head start?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/moneybagz1023
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2013
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Where do royal British ducks live?

In Duckingham Palace.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pol_Ice
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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The UK doesnt have a kidney bank...

but it does have a Liverpool

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMisterDuck
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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Why did the reluctant knight finally decide to join the crusade?

The king offered him a free palace stein

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Y2KoNo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
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A whimsical tale...

There once was a princess named Emily, but the royal family called her Em for short. One day the king posed a riddle in order to choose a suitor for his eldest daughter, Elizabeth. The riddle was as follows:

Elizabeth has two apples, and Emily has one apple. Emily gives Elizabeth her apple as a wedding gift. How might you calculate the total amount of apples Elizabeth has presently?

Many days passed and no one could figure out the answer. Of course, on the first day a man came and answered, β€œSire, to calculate the amount of apples Elizabeth has, you must add Emily’s apple.” He was promptly executed.

After this, the kingdom was stumped. Nobody knew how to calculate Elizabeth’s apples if the answer was not to simply to add Emily’s apple, and none dared to try and answer unless they were absolutely sure of it.

One night, a young man, determined to find the answer, climbed up the palace walls to watch the royal family as they ate.

β€œFather,” said Emily, β€œhave you made the riddle too hard? No one has been able to guess it yet.”

β€œNo worries Em,” responded the king, I have confidence that the time will come soon.”

The young man descended the wall, having learned the secret to the riddle.

The next day, dressed In his finest clothes, the young man approached the king with the answer to the riddle.

β€œWhat is your answer, young man?” declared the king.

The young man replied, β€œIn order to calculate Elizabeth’s apples, you must ADD EM’S APPLE.”

The king answered β€œlol get it?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Diezlk9
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2017
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Important safety warning!

An ancient Babylonian general was once involved in a plot to overthrow the king. His plot included a number of followers in the upper ranks of the army. However, his plot was uncovered, and the king threw him in jail. The king sentenced him to death without a trial.

However, from the jail he was able to secretly contact his followers to arrange to escape, meet his followers, and attack the king's palace at night. So the night before his scheduled execution, the general managed to escape from prison. He fled to a ziggurat several kilometers away, where his followers would meet him. However, the ziggurat was one of several in the area, and he wasn't sure if his cohorts would find the right ziggurat. By this time it was twilight, so he lit a small fire and sent smoke signals to indicate in which structure he was hiding.

However, the king's loyal soldiers saw the smoke coming from the ziggurat, and came to arrest him before he could meet his followers. He was executed later that day.

The moral of the story? WARNING: The searching general has determined that smoking ziggurats can be extremely hazardous to your stealth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LinkBrokeMyPots
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2018
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My grandpa got me...

We were in London at Buckingham Palace waiting for the changing of guard. There were two guards patrolling, and I was pointing out something about the one on the right. He said "I don't see any deoderant." I was confused until he said "you said to look at the right guard."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IJTreasure
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2015
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My dad told this one to a bunch of tourists:

So for some background, my dad's a tour guide in the UK and he was showing a group round Hampton Court Palace and in the gardens there's this maze. This is the text he just sent me:

>Dad joke at Hampton Court Maze - I have fine memories of Hampton Court Maze. I used to bring my children here...... If you see them could you send them home!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Patchoolible
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2014
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Brady Haran is gonna be a great dad

Keith: The weights and measures of Great Britain go right back to medieval times and all of these weights and measures were stored by command in the Palace of Westminster. Of course, in the 19th century the whole lot burned down, so Britain lost its weights and measures effectively.

Brady: Would that be an example of… mass destruction?

 

Sauce: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T26Cw77Bco0&t=2m59s

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlastFX2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2015
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Watching tv

Dad and I watching antiques roadshow and a model of Buckingham palace made of matchsticks comes on. Dad: "I didn't know they built it out of matchsticks, I thought it was bricks."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blaz3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2013
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Hampton Court?

No it's just the way I walk.

This is a Morecambe and Wise joke but any time the palace is mentioned my Dad never fails to give the punchline. Hampton is old timey slang for penis if any non Brits are wondering and Hampton Court is a famous palace in London

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πŸ‘€︎ u/robt69er
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2014
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