A group of musicians painfully struggled to play together
But then they got a bandaid...
Dad's son's joke...
Once upon a time, there was a dad and he was very well known at gatherings with his witty humor and painful puns.
Then his son came along, and very quickly picked up on dad's gifts but he used them on the internet instead.
Dad mused for a minute, and said it must be heredditary...
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
My French friend said “HELP! I’m in pain!”
Now I just need to get him out of that loaf
Who does Mr. Salt go to when he has back pain?
If Hermes was the messenger god, the he sure was lucky not to have met the god of pain and old age...
I went to the Med school library to get a book on abdominal pain
Someone had already ripped the appendix out.
It was so painful having to put my pet dog down today.
I might have to get my back checked out.
"Your underwear is much too tight and very revealing." I said to my wife.
She said, "Wear your own then, dickhead."
Why are there no pain killers in the jungle?
because the parrots eat em all
What do you call an idiot who’s hooked on pain killers?
To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through it's heart.
Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking .
My wife went into labor today, so I read the front page of /r/DadJokes to her as a distraction from the pain. Unfortunately, she didn’t laugh once, was clearly not amused and I have no idea why...
It must have been the delivery...
Pirate goes to doctor to have groin pain checked. Dr. looks down pirates pants and says, “you have a captain’s steering wheel in your pants.”
Pirate replied, “arghh, it’s driving me nuts”.
My friend said the the wind was really cold and painful...
I said "hey wind, chill..."
My wife screamed in pain during labour so I asked, "What's wrong?". She screamed. "These contractions are going to kill me!!"
"I am sorry, honey." I replied. "What is wrong?"
Why does a space rock taste nicer than an earth rock?
It’s a little meteor.
(Not a dad. But I told this to my dad and he approved)
I used to get painful shocks when touching a doorknob...
...but not anymore! I'm ex-static!
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
I feel pain looking at this
A man goes to the doctor, and says "doctor, I havent been peeing correctly and its painful". The doctor replies "I will have to perform a prostate exam." As the doctor examines the man, he pulls out an $100 bill out of his bottom. This continues, he keeps pulling out money from this man's bottom.
After about half an hour the doctor says..."You won't believe this, but i just pulled $1999 out of your bottom"
The man turns around and says "Yeah, I wasn't feeling 2 grand"
Having severe throat pain
Must be because Ice-cream a lot.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t feel pain?
He was the breadwinner his family is in pain
When did the dentist develop tooth pain?
Lower back pain is the worst,
it's a real pain in the ass.
I had an appointment with two physicians. They told me, “the more pain you experience, the better you will feel.”
What a strange pair-a-docs.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison.
Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
How do German breads greet eachother?
“I’m about to be in a crap ton of pain.” “Why?”
“I just ate spicy food, son.”
What do you call 60 minutes of pain?
I have a lot of pain
It's a good job I'm French, otherwise I'd have to pay healthcare...
What type of pain killers do they give you after a boobjob?
Today someone bought our department a box of donuts and some lotto tickets. The potential grand prize was $3,000, in which my boss exclaimed "Well that isn't enough to retire".
I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.
The physical pain on his face was priceless.
Oman! You’re about to read some terrible stuff.
“I live in Spain without the ‘s’”.
This inspired me to come up with some truly terrible country-related jokes.
It’s about to Bahrain jokes without the “Bah”.
-
I have a double China without the “a”.
-
Some people have told me that I look a lot like a German without the “an”.
-
Oman, I think that one conspiracy about Israel Israel.
-
You all probably want to hit me with Japan without the “J”.
-
You probably can’t Kuwait to stop reading these without the “Ku”.
-
Nowadays, car companies are focusing on making electric cars, but I Madagascar.
-
As you’ve probably guessed, I don’t even have one Nepal without the “Ne”.
All of these bad jokes made me Hungary so Iran to the nearest shop to get some food.
Why am I always India-r need of food?
I sincerely apologise, fellow people. These jokes probably left a painful Denmark on your souls without the “Den”, of course.
The sporting goods store downtown was having a big sale on canoe paddles, but traffic and road construction made it real pain to get there...
...yeah, it was quite the ordeal to get the oar deal.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
I went to the library to get a medical book on abdominal pain.
Somebody had ripped the appendix out.
My wife claims that she can remove my chest hair without any pain at all.
I don’t think she will be able to pull it off.
My wife screamed in pain during labor so I asked, “What’s wrong?”. She screamed. “These contractions are going to kill me!!”
“I am sorry, honey,” I replied. “What is wrong?”
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I’m nervous she won’t be able to pull it off.
My wife claims she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I’m worried she won’t be able to pull it off.
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