Orleans Puns

Man: Can I have a corona and two hurricanes please

Bartender: That'll be $20.20.

A grey nola bar.

It was Tulane

To summarize:

He's never gonna give you Up

Never gonna lend you Down

Never gonna run around, and dessert you.

Imma bayou a drink

A Lucy-Anna

Gran-nola bars

Points to Police Car

"sorry4partying did you know why there's so much crime in New Orleans?

Because there's NO PD!"

Joke was recycled by him 4-5 times throughout the 4 years I lived there.

His significant udder.

I work at a pretty busy spot in New Orleans, the French quarter to be exact. People coming in and leaving an item they brought with them happens a lot after a few beers. This one guy leaves a chair and in half an hour he comes back for it.
Chair Guy "Excuse me sir, did I leave a chair here?"
Me "What do you think this is pal?? Some kind of CHAIR-ITY??"

If his eyes could roll anymore then they already were, they would have rolled out of his head.
Chair guy "get me your manager right now"
Me "Now that's not very CHAIR-ITABLE of you either"
Edit: Thank you for the gold kind stranger, you are very CHAIR-ITABLE, for popping my gold CHAIR-Y

While standing at the register of a New Orleans Hamburger & Seafood Co, the lady taking our order asked what we would like to drink. My girlfriend responds "I want some barq's!" To which I promptly replied, "woof, woof, WOOF!" 0 laughs or smiles and I could feel the air around me thicken with dad joke cringe. Fuck it, I loved it.

So I was talking to my friend on Skype, and my dad walks up,

"Hey, (friend's name), be careful. Teddifus has a cold and I think he coughed on the screen. You might get a computer virus."

Gold.

I was on a very nice boat party with my friend, his father and a group of their high class friends. We were in lake Pontchartrain in New Orleans, and one of the elitist sailors was trying to determine if I was seaworthy and see if I even knew where I was.

I said "Sure thing", started pointing left "over there is the port of New Orleans", now pointing to the right "and over here is the starboard of New Orleans".

My friend's dad heard the joke, and while laughing a bit he told me "One more bad joke and I'm kicking you off". To which I replied, "You're right, I should have let the opportunity sail away."

Me: Whats new?

Grandpa: hmm let me see.. New York.. New Mexico.. New Orleans.. And umm.. New Jersey, yeah that's pretty new.

Me: Groan

We were all talking about the new Orleans saints symbol and my mom says M: "Its a floor de lees" (that's how she pronounced it) S: "It's pronounced flooor de lee" M: "Oh pardon my french"

Was at new orleans jazz festival with my dad, sister, and girlfriend. We got some drinks. My sister offers me a straw.

I reply "Straws are for suckers."

Chuckles and eye rolls all around.

A friend and I were in New Orleans and there were some hipsters listening to rap. She commented that she had not seen that often, and I said "What, Hip-Hopsters?"

My coworker got back from the Essence Festival in New Orleans today and was sharing about it in a group of 4 black people and myself (pretty white). Her: Bourbon st. is so overrated, we just went back to the apartment at 1:30 when some fools started shooting. Me: What? Why'd you leave just when the party started poppin'!?

Groans and laughs were had by all...

What's the difference between Joan of Arc and Noah's Ark?

Ones made of wood, ones Maid of Orleans.

Just dad joked my boyfriend:

We're walking the streets of New Orleans, when we see a pile of white mushrooms on the ground next to a truck. It looked like someone had stepped and slipped on them.

"Looks like they were tripping on shrooms..."

Groan.

The bartender said "that'll be $20.20"