Originated Puns

I guess it’s a case of the Mandala effect.

A ***Ska***lar.

Apparently, there is a serious cough originating from the province of Wu Ping.

Possibly the Yam-azon.

My dad almost choked on a small flake of pizza crust, and he spent several minutes coughing in a loud and alarming way.

Finally he stopped, and he was all better. Someone caused him to chuckle, which triggered another fit of coughing.

I said... “That definitely didn’t go well; I think he had a ‘re-laughse’!”

Funset!

Like seriously, if I've read one, I've reddit all.

Poetry is good for amateurs; literature is best left to prose.

I've somehow made a hobby of creating (often very nerdy) puns, wordplay, and absurdities. Some of them have been sold on t-shirts. Most of them just end up as a FB status. They are not (at) all great, but they are original, so far as I know. Now I'm going to leave them here.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

If someone makes a pun, you have to reply in a pun... but it has to be on the same topic as the original pun. Sooooooooooooooooooo my friend had the most clever, best pun of all time... A 3 word combo. The topic was dairy... and he made a pun I didn't quite catch... so with his wit, he responded "I guess that one flew right pasteurize" My mind was shattered...

So I came across a word today in my reading that I had heard before and was able to deduce it's likely meaning based in the context it was used, however, to be safe, I looked it up anyway and while reading the book definition came up with what I hope is an original pun (phrase)...

Context: When someone is giving you a hard time you can say, "stop basting my Lamb, you lamb-baster"

lambaste - criticize (someone or something) harshly

Dad was visiting last week, talking about his household projects he did. He mentioned that he got his septic tank emptied before winter, and that 'it was a shitty job'. He then tells me that his neighbor also had to get his tank emptied, so the service truck also emptied the neighbor's tank at the same time. He smiles and says, "Well, my neighbor and I finally got our shit together!"

He said he was very proud of himself for making an original pun like that. I patted him on the shoulder, looked him in the eye and said, "I can always appreciate an organic pun."

Which is weird, you think he’d be from mad-at-gas-car.

A Peter Pedigree.

Then he hesitated.

Then I changed my mind.

I'll preface this by saying I'm normally not very quick witted and not any good with puns, so I've been severely lacking in getting up to Dad Joke speed while expecting our first child. But I'm pretty happy with this one.

While at the 20 week ultrasound the nurse is going through all the motions and showing us images of the baby.

Nurse: "There's the humerus bone, the little arm"

Me: "It doesn't look very funny."

I got a half chuckle from the nurse, but I don't think my wife heard it.

Oh well, I got a few more months to get it together. 🤪

Edit: Don't know how to spell either apparently.

Sycamore

A perfect 10 but also imaginary

That's because the first thing you know ol' Jed's a millionaire.

They were never gonna give Hugh Up. They were never gonna let Hugh down.

But his demonstration gave me paws.

I picked 7up

HotShingles.com

…I’ll see myself out.

You can tuna piano, but you can’t piano a tuna.

It was originally a Finnish Hymn

Whoops wrong sub

“This one has a hole in it.”

My wife was dying trying not to laugh too much and encourage him.

He swears he made it up on his own. Original or not, I couldn’t be prouder.

A stick

Sea shanties.

But when I do, I use them to break the ice

Because every show needs a cast

You'd think he was from Mad-at-gas-car.

Until the inventor hesitated.