A list of puns related to "Old Man"
Get off my LAN!!
"Buying him gave me a porpoise in life."
Because he can’t see that well!
The dispatcher replied, “So... no shirt, no shoes, no cervix?”
A señor citizen.
Because he wanted to see time fly!
Neither has he...
He must’ve been at deaf’s door.
I have to. I can’t look back on it.
Gary
Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”
“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.
“Bonnie,” he says, “Larry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”
“Oh sweet Jesus”, exclaims Bonnie. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”
'Who's your whale pal?' the bartender asked. The Old man seemed annoyed and replied, ' I don't know. Maybe Dick'.
He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."
"What I want you to do..." the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."
So they did.
Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.
And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.
My oldest this morning as he brushed by me on the way to the bathroom:
“I have to take a pee”
Me:
“Why don’t you leave one instead?”
The look I got: “🤨”
I never saw him again
A cuckoo clock
My kids are all groan.
It was a shawl shank redemption
So the old man approaches the polling official and ask if his wife already voted. They ask for her full name and sure enough, she had already voted. He said Oh darn! She died 6 years ago but she keeps voting on every election and I was hoping to see her once again.
"These are the carpool tunnels."
"Son, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
Except the ground.
Because he was antisocial
Because, he had a hurry cane.
The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”
A u dropped a banana.
"May I say a word?"
Sniffling, the widow agrees. The old man clears his throat, "Plethora"
"The widow smiles. "Thanks, that means a lot."
Yeah i guess he couldnt see that well
Shout: DO YOU WANT TO BY MY PIG
Surrounded by his son, his twin daughters and a haggard-looking nurse who looked about ready to end it all if only she could find the bloody switch, he was finally breathing his last.
His son, who loved him dearly and wasn't at all sure if he had been cut out of the will or not, burst into tears at the plight of a man who would look more at home in a red woolly outfit than he ever could in drab, white linen.
"I do not wish to die today, Anthony", he intoned fixing his gaze slightly above his son's left shoulder, "there is something you must do to save me."
"Tell me what to do dad, I can't bear to look at you this way", cried Anthony.
"There is a land, not far from here, where no one ever dies. It is not for dying you see. That is where I must go."
"Where is this place father? Tell me, and I shall take you to it."
"Take me there now", he said faintly as if in great pain, "Take me to, The Living Room."
“Excuse me, could you help me?” I asked.
He grunted in response, barely looking at me.
“Um, I’m looking for a way to keep my dogs in my backyard. Do you know where those electric leashes are? I’m trying to decide if I should try that or just block it off with a fence or something.”
He turned to face me and looked me up and down with disdain, “Do we look like a pet store?” And he turned around and walked away.
I took a fence.
Cause he has the list of where all the naughty girls live...
Friend: Wow! What kind is it?
Old man: quarter past 2.
kaboomer
He was in a lot of dentures
which is why she lost her job as a cardiac surgeon.
Because he couldn’t see that well!
Because he couldn't see that well!
He couldn’t see that well
Because he couldn't see that well!
Because he couldn’t see that well
Because he couldn't see that well
He couldn't see that well
Because he could not see that well.
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