We've got pun dog...and now pun cat. You've cat to be kitten me right meow!
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︎ Apr 08 2020
Top of my fridge is now pun central.
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︎ Dec 29 2019
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25 You know why?
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︎ Feb 17 2021
Tesla just announced theyβll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
Itβs called Elonβs Musk
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︎ Apr 21 2021
A man rushed into a Doctor's surgery, shouting ' help me please, I'm shrinking ' The Doctor calmly said ' now settle down a bit '..
..' you'll just have to learn to be a little patient '
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︎ Apr 16 2021
Well at least he's satisfied now
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︎ Mar 21 2021
Welp, his son is sad now
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︎ Mar 20 2021
Itβs too late to make Suez Canal jokes now
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︎ Mar 29 2021
When I was a kid it was free to use the air hose at the gas station. Now itβs $1
Thatβs inflation for ya
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︎ Apr 05 2021
I'm working hard on something now so I can peacefully do nothing in retirement...
So I'm givin it all for nothing
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︎ Apr 21 2021
Sarge 50 pushups now!
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︎ Jan 03 2021
Sad news fellas, I broke up with my girlfriend Lorraine. She found out I was seeing another girl, Claire Lee. Good news though, I can see Claire Lee now, Lorraine is gone.
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︎ Mar 15 2021
I saw a dudeβs truck that said Master Baitor on it one time now I donβt fish but I want that
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︎ Apr 14 2021
Funny how in the past everyone owned horses and only the rich owned cars, and now everyone has cars and only the rich have horses...
My how the stables have turned.
Edit: Wow guys, thanks for all the love!
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︎ Nov 11 2020
Now for my next trick... making your voice louder than usual
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︎ Mar 30 2021
My dog used to bark Bow-Wow! Older now, he goes AARP-AARP!
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︎ Apr 15 2021
Nowβs your time to shine
Hope this is okay, but I write a new joke every week on a white board at work and Iβve run out of good ones. If you feel itβs relevant, I work for a roofing/siding company. Give me your best shot. I will reply if I find one to add to my list.
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︎ Apr 21 2021
So would this now be a canβt opener?
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︎ Feb 28 2021
I told my parents I was bisexual
My dad asked, "so you like both men and women?"
I responded with, "yeah, but I'm not seeing anyone right now"
He said, "so you must be on stand-bi"
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︎ Apr 11 2021
Now it's our tree!
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︎ Mar 25 2021
Initially, I despised sheltering in place, but now I love it!
I think itβs Stuck-home Syndrome
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︎ Apr 18 2021
My bedroom now has a stained glass window.
A pigeon just flew right into it.
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︎ Mar 31 2021
I'm worried that the supreme court will lack empathy now that Ginsburg is gone.
Without her they're ruthless.
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︎ Oct 30 2020
Now that's a good one..
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︎ Feb 16 2021
Apparently, schools will now run from September right through till July with no holidays....
It's a long term solution.
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︎ Apr 23 2021
I have finale cracked the most difficult problem. I now know all the digits of pi.
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︎ Mar 22 2021
My dog chewed up a bunch of stuff yesterday. Now heβs feeling gnawseous
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︎ Mar 25 2021
My employer now gives two weeks off to recover from the vaccine.
They call it Modernaty leave.
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︎ Apr 04 2021
Now let that sink inβ¦
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︎ Feb 19 2021
What does Thor need now that heβs fat?
π︎ 5
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︎ Apr 18 2021
I had to break up with this girl who just would not stop counting.
I wonder what sheβs up to now.
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︎ Apr 04 2021
I cut myself and now I need to listen to some music to make sure it heals good.
Or how the doctor put it, "A band aid."
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︎ Mar 28 2021
Naah mate, just my pHocus is changed now
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︎ Mar 14 2021
How many boats are trying to get through the Suez Canal now that it's unblocked?
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︎ Mar 31 2021
I now know how my dentist feels
Because getting my kid to eat dinner is like pulling teeth!
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︎ Apr 21 2021
An actual conversation between my wife and my son yesterday.
My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it everytime. My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him "If you pick up this habit, your future wife will love you very much."
My son replied "I don't want my future wife to love me very much. I want my future wife to help me fold my laundry."
I busted out laughing. But the end result is that now I have to fold my own laundry going forward.
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︎ Mar 28 2021
My mail carrier got a sex change, so now she's really a post-man ...
guess she had the wrong package.
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︎ Mar 01 2021
I fell at work and cracked my tailbone. Now I canβt sit down and I have to listen to everyoneβs wise cracks..
All in all itβs been a real pain in the ass!
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︎ Mar 10 2021
Boss: How's that new glue?
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︎ Jan 20 2021
Coronavirus is now all over the world
But China got it right off the bat.
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︎ Jan 04 2021
Someone dug a plethora of dβearth. Now Iβve got a hole lot of nothing.
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︎ Mar 19 2021
My son told me to call him Judith from now on. I told him to call me See Through
Because Iβm trans parent.
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︎ Apr 04 2021
Did you now fish are religious?
They pray to Cod all the time.
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︎ Mar 09 2021
Do you know how many clickbait articles there are out on the Internet now?
The answer may shock you.
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︎ Mar 12 2021
I was going to add a pun here but can't think of any right now
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︎ Jan 04 2021
Now days, people don't use the name Lance very often
In medieval times, people were named Lance a lot
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︎ Nov 03 2020
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