The guy that sits next to me at work was cleaning out his drawer. He knows that I like tea, and found some in the drawer.
Coworker " Hey, Here's some cranberry apple tea you can have."
(I didn't even think, The dad joke just happened)
Me " Cranberry Apple huh? That's not really my.. Cup of.. Tea"
Him "Groan, nice pun"
[removed]
"Look at what kids your age make in China!"
10+10=20 11+11=22
“Because she has no taste.”
One could say it was a sub-lime experience.
He has selfie steam issues.
"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."
"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."
Because communication is key
Edit: it's from here, so please give the op credit
You just have to listen varicosely.
The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says “I don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, “whatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says “there’s no charge.” Shocked she replies “no really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” “Honestly ma’am”, the mortician says, “it costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”
"Swarm."
Because he was 2 squared.
...I said I didn't even know he could play cricket.
Edit: Americans; replace 'cricket' with '10 Pin Bowling 🎳 '
Thank you for the awards
He hates putting anyone between The Rock and a hard place.
He put out his hand and I said "David are you nervous?" He said no so I grabbed his hand looked him in the eyes and said "then why are you shaking?"
- Always
- Coming
- From
- Take
- Me
- Down
That way, I always make a grand entrance.
They gave me the boot.
