How to make puns in English as a non native speaker?

I was just pundering...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlphaHelixDev
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
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My problem with this subreddit as a non-native English speaker
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strofocle
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2013
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What do you call a number that won't sit still??

A Roamin' Numeral.

(Apologies if it's an old joke. My daughter told me this today while doing online math class. THANKS COVID!!)

Everyone stay safe and healthy!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/josie4afg
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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How do you divide a roundabout?

Intersections

Edit: for non-native speakers, roundabout is a traffic circle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/old_man_browsing
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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Smart Cactus
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sabrinalynn1983
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2017
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Here's one in spanish

UNO.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hormonella
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2017
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Gave me a pleasant chuckle while driving, I had to pull over and take a pic
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πŸ‘€︎ u/colormecryptic
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
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Todays forecast.. imgur.com/GSDwTR1
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dhalsimballskin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2017
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My husband and his terrible dad joke this morning.

me: "She's getting married in Jamaica."

him: "Did she want to?"

Me: confused look

him: Or did jamaica?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HorseIsHypnotist
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2014
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A boat with overweight people on it.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Freeside1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2014
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Dadjoked my gf. She was not pleased.

Me: How many birds does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Girlfriend: ... How many?

Me: Toucan do it.

Girlfriend: You fucker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wangulator
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2014
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What do you call a dog after he turns 13 years old?

A K19!

As a non-native speaker I was kinda proud when I came up with this one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nanunran
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2016
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Puns of Varying Quality on the Subject of Linguistics (created in a fit of procrastinative inspiration) some of which I thought someone, someday might appreciate.

Note: Quality Very Varying (I see what I did there) and sometimes subject to specialist knowledge. So I apologise in advance. Shame me with your better puns.

While I was languishing in the Language Centre, doing some semantics antics and considering how all the other linguistics students despised and derided me, I was accosted by a stout man with large glasses who made me a preposition. It was that I should collect terrible puns, to do with linguistics, in order to ingratiate myself yet further with the other linguistics students (including even the phonetics fanatics).

I'm struggling to think of a pun to do with grammaticality that both makes sense and "Is grandma tickly?" correct. I'm also stuck on 'morphologician'. (I'm not actually sure that's a particularly logical word for the subject, though I guess that's more for, er, more for a logician to worry about.)

The problem I have with writing about phonological variation is that one is constantly forced to choose between being fun or logical - very Asian!I always get in trouble with electricians, they think I'm calling them a 'dialectician' whereas in fact I'm just saying "Die, electrician."

I like pscycholinguistics – the only department of linguistics where it’s acceptable to wear a cycle helmet. My Australian accent is terrible but I like to think my Sath Efrican one is predicate. My favourite accent is Received Pronunciation, because it is the accent chiefly used by invisible Japanese people who are ordered online. When the first recipient of an invisible Japanese person got the parcel, they wrote a complaint saying "Received but can't see Asian" and the name stuck.

Why did the speakers whose native languages weren't English, but whose only shared language was English, but they weren't very good at it and kept on having to stop to think about it, stop talking to one another? They came to an agreement. (Get it? If not, write your answer on a pastecard and paste it to the below address.)

What did the 'a' say to the 'the'? "You definitely are ticklish, 'the'!"

Why was the small man eaten by the large bear, which was proportionately bigger than him? It had, er, relative claws.

I think the reason there are so many speakers of Russian is because they all partake in an activity called "copulae shun". (Ok, ok, I know, that was Pushkin it.)

I know a man called Hillary who can, might, should, did, must, shall and will ride an ox. We call him "Ox Hillary".

I always think the verb 'to be' in the senten

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kieuk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2011
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My wife told me her dad said this all the time when she was growing up...

My wife told me the other day that when her and her siblings would finish their food, they would say "Dad, I'm done" and he would reply "What? Your dumb? Why would you say something like that about yourself?".

Yeah, nothing crazy funny, but her parents are native Spanish speakers so I think he used to troll the kids all the time and use that as an excuse. I think he still trolls me after 7 years.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gella321
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2013
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