Musculus Pectoralis Puns

Do your worst!

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

Milly wanders round camp telling people she comes across about her upcoming lesson before retreating to the arena where she has set up a bunch of chairs and benches. She moves to the front where she has a podium waiting

"Alright you lot, I'm toning down from my usual lessons. As such, today is a theory lesson, rather than a practical one."

she says, before clearing her throat and beginning the lesson

"Muscles, we all have them, we all need them, but what actually are they, and what do they do? Your body has over 600 muscles in it, and not only do they help with lifting, running, and other physical exercises, but they pump blood round your body. And if you didn't know, having blood pumped round your body is kind of important."

she says, smiling slightly on the last few words

"You control some of your muscles, while others are controlled automatically by your body. Irrespective of whether you control them or not, they're all made up of the same elastic tissue which is made of thousands upon thousands of small musculus fibers. There are, broadly speaking, three types of muscle. smooth, cardiac, and skeletal muscles."

she continues, counting off each type with a finger

"The smooth muscles can also be called involuntary muscles. They're found commonly in layers, or sheets, and can be found all over your body. They're in your stomach and digestive system helping food move along, and they also help you throw up when you're sick. You can also find smooth muscles in your bladder, and behind your eyes."

Milly explains

"Next, the muscle that makes up your heart, cardiac muscle, also known as the myocardium. The muscles contracts to pump blood out, and relaxes to draw blood in after it has circulated the body. Like smooth muscles, it operates without your supervision."

she keeps going

"Then there's the group that you probably think of when someone says muscle. The skeletal muscles. They are voluntary muscles, because you control what they do and when. Your leg won't bend to walk or kick without you wanting it to. These muscles, along with your skeleton, make up your musculoskeletal system. In the majority of cases, a skeletal muscle is attached to one end of a bone with the help of a tendon."

Milly says before letting out a sigh of breath

"Finally, to list a few of the major muscles we have deltoids in the shoulder; pectoralis, often called pectorals, on each side of your upper chest; the rectus abdominus, or abdominals

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

When I got home, they were still there.

I won't be doing that today!

You take away their little brooms

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Bob

Nothing, it just waved

Just to clarify, 12345678

So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."

Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.

Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...

Notices there's only 2;

Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."

I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.

I was just sitting there doing nothing.

Why

“BOOM”?!

"That's what they're fighting about."

free

Because his Visa didn’t work.

Because the audience only responds in a low ha

A happy Uncle.....