What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
I've been charged with murdering a man with sandpaper.
But, to be honest, I just intended to rough him up a bit.
Murdering your brother is fratricide, and your father would be patricide, but in the bedroom is...
A guy has been accused in our town for murdering people by hitting them with a cement bag.
However the police still don't have any concrete evidence against him.
A man was convicted of murdering another man, he said; “Its not my fault,
Two detectives were working on a murder case in which a man murdered his wife. They were sure he did it, but they needed some piece of evidence to place him at the scene. After only three days on the case, they found their piece of evidence.
Did you hear? An attempted murder was foiled due to the assailant's severe grain allergy.
The killer was found, dead to rice.
What's the best way to prevent a murder?
What do you call a murderer that can't stop farting?
A crow ... painting a murder.
Within minutes, the detectives figured out what the murder weapon was.
if an murderer is chasing you then..
both of you are running for your life
A group of geese is a gaggle, agroup of rats: a mischief, a murder of crows, bats a colony and men a crowd. What's a group of batmen?
Jokes about murders aren't funny
Unless they're properly executed, that it.
A man was murdered in the middle-east yesterday
There was a murder on a train do you know if the suspect was caught?
No, he covered his tracks.
(Thought of this this morning go easy on me!)
Did you know that before crowbars were invented...
Crows mostly drank alone.
The detective shuddered when he realised the weapons from each crime scene were the same weight
They weren't just chasing a serial killer, they were chasing a mass murderer
So I murdered a guy.
And I was told I had to consult a criminal lawyer.
Why would I let a criminal fight my case?
I saw a murder outside my house today...
All the crows were just sitting in my tree...
How are mafia murders like candles?
Police are investigating a murder in which the victim was shot with a starters pistol.
The police think it's race-related.
Did you hear about the potsticker that went on a murder rampage?
It was an act of wonton violence.
If a mathematician in Antarctica murdered someone what would he be?
Somewhere, between murder, and suicide........
There is a place called Merseyside - Milton Jones at the Apollo live
I’ve been watching the John Wayne Gacy documentary series on Peacock. Really creepy and fascinating. Surprisingly, despite being a cannibal murderer, he was a stickler for etiquette.
Anyone who arrived late to one of his dinner parties received a cold shoulder.
Sherlock and Watson arrived on the scene of a murder and the only clue was a measuring tape pulled out to exactly 12 inches.
Apparently something was afoot.
TIL that Mona Lisa was once accused of murder
Did you hear about the guy who murdered Cap'n, Tony and Sam?
He's this country's most notorious cereal killer
A pencil isn't John Wick's primary murder weapon.
But it's definitely number 2.
Did you hear about the lettuce farmer who was murdered on his way to the farmers' market?
They found his romaines at the scene of the crime.
What do you call a murder in Greece?
What do you call 2 birds stuck together?
A murder investigation or a murder investigating?
Abortion isn’t murder
Its just cancelling your pre-order.
For the charge of murder, the judge only gave Ray Liotta and Joe Pesci community service
because they were goodfellas
Why would you never murder on an elevator?
Because it's wrong on so many levels
The convict was charged with first degree murder
I’m not sure why, but there must be a reason behind it.
If a group of dolphins is called a pod and a group of crows is called a murder, what is a group of small children called?
We need help naming some murderous cats.
We recently discovered mice in our pantry. Everyone’s advice? Get a cat. Apparently they are stone cold killers.
We made some calls and learned from our vet that they had two cats that need to be rehomed. I agreed to take them sight unseen. I think it’s a boy and girl but I don’t actually know. We pick them up next week.
We want to instill the right spirit into our mercenaries by naming them after famous murderers, but want to lighten the mood with puns.
So far we have come up with Jeffrey Paw-er but we are certain our Reddit friends can do better. We need male and female options. I understand one cat is black and the other is a brown mix.
We need help coming up with names, anyone up for the challenge??
A murderous fortune telling dwarf...
is technically a small medium at large.
A murderer once stopped killing, became lazy, and was only enjoying life. He became a
What do you call a group of ravens trying bring crows together?
A conspiracy to commit murder.
What do you call a murderous clown whos good at investments?
What’s the most effective way to write a murder mystery?
When I found my little son on the floor, I briefly thought a murder took place
Fortunately, it was just a kid napping.
if an murderer is chasing you then...
... both of you are running for your life.
Within minutes, the detectives figured out what the murder weapon was.
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