Mouthwash Puns

I guess you could say we really got our Acts together.

It's an anti-septic.

I caught her in the act

It was during the Scope monkey trial.

They were out of SCOPE.

"Don't drink it, it's alcohol-free!"

welp thanks for the tip, wise guy.

I guess they just don't understand the Scope of the situation..

I am bored let's drink mouthwash.

1. The ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake13. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds17. 52 cards = 1 decacards18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin22. 10 rations = 1 decoration23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League27. 100 Senators = Not 1 decision

What is a Vampire favorite fruit?

• Neckterines

What kind of dogs do Vampires like best?

• Blood hounds

How does a ghost cry?

• Boo Hoo

What does a skeleton always say before he eats?

• Bone Appetite

What kind of key should you always take to a haunted house?

• Skeleton Key

Why do Vampires need mouthwash?

• Because they have bat breath

What kinds of street do Zombies like?

• Dead ends.

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?

• Frost Bite

What did the black cat call the mouse on roller skates?

• Meals on wheels

What does a vampire never at a restaurant?

• A stake sandwich

What is it like to be kissed by a vampire?

• It's a pain in the neck.

Why did the witch stand in front of the podium?

• To give a Screech

What does a ghosts have for dessert?

• I-Scream

What is a skeletons favorite instrument?

• A trombone

What kind of dog does a mad scientist have?

• A Lab

Be honest, how many did you get? What is your dad score?

EDIT: can't get spoiler tags to work...