A moored boat called Maud. imgur.com/GA8hgZy
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boobamajugs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
A boat called Maud moored. imgur.com/3yWqLLd
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boobamajugs
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2017
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Me: Did you hear the actress from legally blonde stabbed her husband with a knife?

Friend: Do you mean Reese Witherspoon?

Me: No, with her knife!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Matwantstoknow11
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
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Denty Moore...or I guess Less
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LucasTheSchnauzer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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VIAGRA....It won't make you James Bond....

.....but, it would make you Roger Moore.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
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How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?

They docked his pay.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
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Everyone has heard of Moore’s law. Do you know what Cole’s Law is?

If you take cabbage and mix it with mayonnaise you get a nice salad.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rugrin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
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When the moon hits your eye, Like a big pizza pie, That's amore.

When an eel bites your hand, And that's not what you planned, That's a moray.

When our habits are strange, And our customs deranged, That's our mores.

When your horse munches straw, And the bales total four, That's some more hay.

When Othello's poor wife Becomes stabbed with a knife, That's a Moor, eh?

When a Japanese knight Uses his sword in a fight, That's Samurai.

When your sheep go to graze In a damp marshy place, That's a moor, eh?

When your boat comes home fine And you tie up her line, That's a moor, eh?

When you ace your last tests Like you did all the rest, That's some more "A"s!

In New Zealand you see An aborigine, That's a Maori.

Alley Oop's homeland has A space gun with pizzazz, That's a Moo Ray.

A comedian ham, With the name Amsterdam, That's a Morey.

When your chocolate graham, Is so full and so crammed, That s'more, eh.

When you've had quite enough, Of this dumb rhyming stuff, That's "No more!", eh?

πŸ‘︎ 686
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ComeAbout
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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Thinking of holidaying in the highlands of Scotland?

Think a glen.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/welshlamb2020
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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My friend keeps asking me if I’ll help him build a dock behind his lake house, even though I keep telling him β€œno.”

Honestly, I’m feeling a lot of pier pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tvkyle
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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Why was it called the dark ages?

Because of all the knights.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
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Sean Connery. David Niven. George lazenby. Roger Moore. Timothy Dalton. Pierce Brosnan. Daniel Craig.

They all share a bond

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/obiworm
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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The main character in the Netflix show iZombie ( who is a zombie ) is called Liv Moore
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lemobu
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2018
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Roy Moore ordered a 12 year old Scotch.

She didn't like it.

πŸ‘︎ 107
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RancidLemons
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2017
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I am a Demi-God but I wasn't satisfied with it. I told my God I wanted to be more. Now I'm Demi Moore. What do? (x-post /r/fifthworldproblems)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/live4lifelegit
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2015
🚨︎ report
The headline on the USA Today this morning
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GildedGrizzly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2017
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Moor of this, please!
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sarcastyx
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2015
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Someone I know named her last kid Alden.

Her point was she was all done.

She then had a kid she named Laston for last one.

I think she’s gonna have Juan Moore.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedShirtCashion
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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Mary Tyler Moore died this week.

She didn't make it after all...

Not sure if it really counts as a dad joke, but my dad just dropped this one on me.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beer_good
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2017
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A wizard dies and they lock up his ashes in a lamp

The lamp is then fastened by the sea, just so none of the townsfolk get into trouble. One day, an inquisitive young chap opens the lamp and the wizard starts wreaking havoc upon the town. All the scientists gather and decide to chemically dissolve the lamp. But all the chemicals they have fail to work. They try to burn it, melt it and what not but nothing works. Finally one scientist says β€œI know exactly what we should do. Pour excessive chemicals and try to dissolve it. I know we’ve tried it before but let’s give it another shot.” They bring in acids and other corrosives from the neighbouring cities and pour it on the lamp and it successfully dissolves and the wizard disappears. Everyone is amazed and asks the scientist β€œHow did you know about the extra chemicals?” The bald, black scientist looks at them and says β€œOh that’s easy. Moored urn problems require more darn solutions.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lordoflethargy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
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I was upset after Mary Tyler Moore died. More upset that her family changed her name.

RIP Mary Tyler No-Moore.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elyas_machera
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2017
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Wife and I were watching Micheal Moore on TV. She commented he was getting odder.

I said soon he will be swimming on his back and cracking clams on his stomach.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slypig61
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2016
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The folks at Benjamin Moore like to cater to dads looking at paint colors... imgur.com/CwIANUP
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Funkbass
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2013
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the names pond
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weesome
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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Drinking vodka martini's won't make you James Bond.

But it'll make you Roger Moore.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theGamingDad123
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
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I can't believe my ex wanted the expanse of open rolling infertile land in addition to my trailer home...

She wanted my mansion and moor!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
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My friend just said he’s gonna have a baby again.

He said he just wanted Juan Moore.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RetroKev1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
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My favourite new punny tea mug imgur.com/xTQ26Nt
πŸ‘︎ 120
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πŸ‘€︎ u/where_is_my__mind
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2015
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As I was rowing my boat towards the shore, a small black bird stopped me from docking.

Quoth the raven, β€œNever moor.”

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
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I see what you did there Dartmoor... imgur.com/PnUsUWP
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πŸ‘€︎ u/parakeats
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2014
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If April showers bring may flowers, what does a may flower bring?

Pilgrims

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LovelessMotel
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2012
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A cow dog limps into a saloon out West.....

And places a bandaged limb on the bar. He announces, "I am looking for the man who shot my paw!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IranRPCV
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2017
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While making dinner last night I asked my wife if she knew which celebrity failed out of cooking school for not chopping enough.

she had no idea it was Julianne Moore... and I had no idea her eyes could roll like that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoNotCool
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
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The production staff of Car Talk at NPR
  • Accounts Payable Administrator_______________Imelda Czechs

  • Accounts Payable Clerk, Moscow Office__________Dasha Chekhov

  • Air-Quality Monitor _________________________Carmine Dioxide

  • Caffeine Addiction Counselor__________________Bruno Moore

  • Chief Legal Counsel_________________________ Hugh Louis Dewey of Dewey, Cheetham & Howe

  • Cliche Monitor_____________________________Saul Wellingood

  • Clothing Designer__________________________Hugh Jass

  • Credit Counselor___________________________Max Stout

  • Director of Purchasing_______________________Lois Bidder

  • Director of Pavlovian Research________________Isabelle Ringing

  • Divorce Attorney___________________________Carmine Nottyors

  • Dog Trainer_______________________________Don Chase Katz

  • Ebay Specialist____________________________Selma Junkoff

  • Head of Security___________________________Barb Dwyer

  • Global Economics Forecaster_________________Helena Handbasket

  • Marine Biologist___________________________Frieda Wales

  • Father-in-Law Liaison_______________________Royal Payne Diaz

  • Mother-in-Law Liaison______________________Stella Payne Diaz

  • Official Spokesperson_______________________Howie Vasive

  • Restroom Attendants_______________________Trudy Door & Donna Hall

  • Russian Chauffeur__________________________Picov Andropov

  • Scout Leader______________________________Lawson D. Woods

  • Shop Foreman_____________________________Luke Bizzy

  • Staff Intuitionist____________________________Ivan Inkling

  • Used Car Salesman_________________________Alexis Itznot

Full list can be found here: http://www.cartalk.com/content/staff-credits

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IcedPyro
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2016
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Sometimes you have to hock a Louie...

to get Moore done.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wirebodie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2017
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the law

a coworker of mine had to pick up his son whose car had stalled at a Murphy's gas station. It was the second time he had stalled there.

He told his son "you shouldn't come here any more" his son said "why?" "because murphy's law seems to be working here.

that would be good enough but then they started talking about murphys law and other laws like moores law etc.

Then his son said "thats like Coe's Law" My friend said "Whats Coe's Law?" His son said "Its shredded cabbage mixed with dressing and spices"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chodan9
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2017
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My dad's a big James Bond fan and he told me to try Viagra if I was feeling upset and lonely

"It wont make you Daniel Craig but it will make you Roger Moore."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rustedhero
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2016
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aka Bread Willis-Kutcher

Me, i.e. dad: This bread is delicious. Is it sourdough?

Wife, i.e. wife: Heck if I know. It's just a demi baguette.

Me: You know what they call if you buy two?

Wife: No; what?

Me: Demi Moore.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EEMIV
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2015
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Fact: viagra won’t make you James Bond...

... but it will make you Roger Moore.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FirstHomosapien
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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007

Viagra won't make you James Bond. But it will make your Roger Moore

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Technical-Jelly
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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VIAGRA: It won't make you James Bond...

But it will make you Roger Moore.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
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