Friend: Do you mean Reese Witherspoon?
Me: No, with her knife!
.....but, it would make you Roger Moore.
They docked his pay.
If you take cabbage and mix it with mayonnaise you get a nice salad.
When an eel bites your hand, And that's not what you planned, That's a moray.
When our habits are strange, And our customs deranged, That's our mores.
When your horse munches straw, And the bales total four, That's some more hay.
When Othello's poor wife Becomes stabbed with a knife, That's a Moor, eh?
When a Japanese knight Uses his sword in a fight, That's Samurai.
When your sheep go to graze In a damp marshy place, That's a moor, eh?
When your boat comes home fine And you tie up her line, That's a moor, eh?
When you ace your last tests Like you did all the rest, That's some more "A"s!
In New Zealand you see An aborigine, That's a Maori.
Alley Oop's homeland has A space gun with pizzazz, That's a Moo Ray.
A comedian ham, With the name Amsterdam, That's a Morey.
When your chocolate graham, Is so full and so crammed, That s'more, eh.
When you've had quite enough, Of this dumb rhyming stuff, That's "No more!", eh?
Think a glen.
Honestly, I’m feeling a lot of pier pressure.
Because of all the knights.
They all share a bond
She didn't like it.
Her point was she was all done.
She then had a kid she named Laston for last one.
I think she’s gonna have Juan Moore.
She didn't make it after all...
Not sure if it really counts as a dad joke, but my dad just dropped this one on me.
The lamp is then fastened by the sea, just so none of the townsfolk get into trouble. One day, an inquisitive young chap opens the lamp and the wizard starts wreaking havoc upon the town. All the scientists gather and decide to chemically dissolve the lamp. But all the chemicals they have fail to work. They try to burn it, melt it and what not but nothing works. Finally one scientist says “I know exactly what we should do. Pour excessive chemicals and try to dissolve it. I know we’ve tried it before but let’s give it another shot.” They bring in acids and other corrosives from the neighbouring cities and pour it on the lamp and it successfully dissolves and the wizard disappears. Everyone is amazed and asks the scientist “How did you know about the extra chemicals?” The bald, black scientist looks at them and says “Oh that’s easy. Moored urn problems require more darn solutions.”
RIP Mary Tyler No-Moore.
I said soon he will be swimming on his back and cracking clams on his stomach.
But it'll make you Roger Moore.
She wanted my mansion and moor!
He said he just wanted Juan Moore.
Quoth the raven, “Never moor.”
Pilgrims
And places a bandaged limb on the bar. He announces, "I am looking for the man who shot my paw!"
she had no idea it was Julianne Moore... and I had no idea her eyes could roll like that.
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Accounts Payable Administrator_______________Imelda Czechs
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Accounts Payable Clerk, Moscow Office__________Dasha Chekhov
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Air-Quality Monitor _________________________Carmine Dioxide
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Caffeine Addiction Counselor__________________Bruno Moore
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Chief Legal Counsel_________________________ Hugh Louis Dewey of Dewey, Cheetham & Howe
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Cliche Monitor_____________________________Saul Wellingood
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Clothing Designer__________________________Hugh Jass
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Credit Counselor___________________________Max Stout
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Director of Purchasing_______________________Lois Bidder
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Director of Pavlovian Research________________Isabelle Ringing
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Divorce Attorney___________________________Carmine Nottyors
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Dog Trainer_______________________________Don Chase Katz
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Ebay Specialist____________________________Selma Junkoff
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Head of Security___________________________Barb Dwyer
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Global Economics Forecaster_________________Helena Handbasket
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Marine Biologist___________________________Frieda Wales
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Father-in-Law Liaison_______________________Royal Payne Diaz
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Mother-in-Law Liaison______________________Stella Payne Diaz
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Official Spokesperson_______________________Howie Vasive
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Restroom Attendants_______________________Trudy Door & Donna Hall
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Russian Chauffeur__________________________Picov Andropov
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Scout Leader______________________________Lawson D. Woods
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Shop Foreman_____________________________Luke Bizzy
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Staff Intuitionist____________________________Ivan Inkling
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Used Car Salesman_________________________Alexis Itznot
Full list can be found here: http://www.cartalk.com/content/staff-credits
to get Moore done.
a coworker of mine had to pick up his son whose car had stalled at a Murphy's gas station. It was the second time he had stalled there.
He told his son "you shouldn't come here any more" his son said "why?" "because murphy's law seems to be working here.
that would be good enough but then they started talking about murphys law and other laws like moores law etc.
Then his son said "thats like Coe's Law" My friend said "Whats Coe's Law?" His son said "Its shredded cabbage mixed with dressing and spices"
"It wont make you Daniel Craig but it will make you Roger Moore."
Me, i.e. dad: This bread is delicious. Is it sourdough?
Wife, i.e. wife: Heck if I know. It's just a demi baguette.
Me: You know what they call if you buy two?
Wife: No; what?
Me: Demi Moore.
... but it will make you Roger Moore.
Viagra won't make you James Bond. But it will make your Roger Moore
