Moor of this, please!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Sarcastyx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 23 2015
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A moored boat called Maud. imgur.com/GA8hgZy
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/boobamajugs
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 15 2020
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Thinking of holidaying in the highlands of Scotland?

Think a glen.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/welshlamb2020
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 13 2021
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Denty Moore...or I guess Less
πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LucasTheSchnauzer
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 25 2020
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When the moon hits your eye, Like a big pizza pie, That's amore.

When an eel bites your hand, And that's not what you planned, That's a moray.

When our habits are strange, And our customs deranged, That's our mores.

When your horse munches straw, And the bales total four, That's some more hay.

When Othello's poor wife Becomes stabbed with a knife, That's a Moor, eh?

When a Japanese knight Uses his sword in a fight, That's Samurai.

When your sheep go to graze In a damp marshy place, That's a moor, eh?

When your boat comes home fine And you tie up her line, That's a moor, eh?

When you ace your last tests Like you did all the rest, That's some more "A"s!

In New Zealand you see An aborigine, That's a Maori.

Alley Oop's homeland has A space gun with pizzazz, That's a Moo Ray.

A comedian ham, With the name Amsterdam, That's a Morey.

When your chocolate graham, Is so full and so crammed, That s'more, eh.

When you've had quite enough, Of this dumb rhyming stuff, That's "No more!", eh?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 684
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ComeAbout
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 30 2020
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My friend keeps asking me if I’ll help him build a dock behind his lake house, even though I keep telling him β€œno.”

Honestly, I’m feeling a lot of pier pressure.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tvkyle
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 01 2020
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Everyone has heard of Moore’s law. Do you know what Cole’s Law is?

If you take cabbage and mix it with mayonnaise you get a nice salad.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 39
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rugrin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 02 2020
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How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?

They docked his pay.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 34
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/spooninacerealbowl
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 13 2019
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Why was it called the dark ages?

Because of all the knights.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 05 2019
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Fact: viagra won’t make you James Bond...

... but it will make you Roger Moore.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FirstHomosapien
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 28 2020
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Sean Connery. David Niven. George lazenby. Roger Moore. Timothy Dalton. Pierce Brosnan. Daniel Craig.

They all share a bond

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/obiworm
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 08 2019
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The main character in the Netflix show iZombie ( who is a zombie ) is called Liv Moore
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lemobu
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 31 2018
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Roy Moore ordered a 12 year old Scotch.

She didn't like it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 108
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RancidLemons
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 14 2017
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Someone I know named her last kid Alden.

Her point was she was all done.

She then had a kid she named Laston for last one.

I think she’s gonna have Juan Moore.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RedShirtCashion
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 24 2020
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I am a Demi-God but I wasn't satisfied with it. I told my God I wanted to be more. Now I'm Demi Moore. What do? (x-post /r/fifthworldproblems)
πŸ‘οΈŽ 31
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/live4lifelegit
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 25 2015
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A boat called Maud moored. imgur.com/3yWqLLd
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/boobamajugs
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 01 2017
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The headline on the USA Today this morning
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GildedGrizzly
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 13 2017
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I can't believe my ex wanted the expanse of open rolling infertile land in addition to my trailer home...

She wanted my mansion and moor!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 09 2020
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Mary Tyler Moore died this week.

She didn't make it after all...

Not sure if it really counts as a dad joke, but my dad just dropped this one on me.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/beer_good
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 30 2017
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the names pond
πŸ‘οΈŽ 47
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/weesome
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 24 2019
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Drinking vodka martini's won't make you James Bond.

But it'll make you Roger Moore.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/theGamingDad123
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 04 2020
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I was upset after Mary Tyler Moore died. More upset that her family changed her name.

RIP Mary Tyler No-Moore.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/elyas_machera
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 26 2017
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Wife and I were watching Micheal Moore on TV. She commented he was getting odder.

I said soon he will be swimming on his back and cracking clams on his stomach.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/slypig61
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 09 2016
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The folks at Benjamin Moore like to cater to dads looking at paint colors... imgur.com/CwIANUP
πŸ‘οΈŽ 55
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Funkbass
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 09 2013
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As I was rowing my boat towards the shore, a small black bird stopped me from docking.

Quoth the raven, β€œNever moor.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 25 2019
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A wizard dies and they lock up his ashes in a lamp

The lamp is then fastened by the sea, just so none of the townsfolk get into trouble. One day, an inquisitive young chap opens the lamp and the wizard starts wreaking havoc upon the town. All the scientists gather and decide to chemically dissolve the lamp. But all the chemicals they have fail to work. They try to burn it, melt it and what not but nothing works. Finally one scientist says β€œI know exactly what we should do. Pour excessive chemicals and try to dissolve it. I know we’ve tried it before but let’s give it another shot.” They bring in acids and other corrosives from the neighbouring cities and pour it on the lamp and it successfully dissolves and the wizard disappears. Everyone is amazed and asks the scientist β€œHow did you know about the extra chemicals?” The bald, black scientist looks at them and says β€œOh that’s easy. Moored urn problems require more darn solutions.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lordoflethargy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 03 2019
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I see what you did there Dartmoor... imgur.com/PnUsUWP
πŸ‘οΈŽ 127
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/parakeats
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 08 2014
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If April showers bring may flowers, what does a may flower bring?

Pilgrims

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LovelessMotel
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 17 2012
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My friend just said he’s gonna have a baby again.

He said he just wanted Juan Moore.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RetroKev1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 04 2019
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My favourite new punny tea mug imgur.com/xTQ26Nt
πŸ‘οΈŽ 123
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/where_is_my__mind
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 27 2015
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A cow dog limps into a saloon out West.....

And places a bandaged limb on the bar. He announces, "I am looking for the man who shot my paw!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/IranRPCV
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 18 2017
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While making dinner last night I asked my wife if she knew which celebrity failed out of cooking school for not chopping enough.

she had no idea it was Julianne Moore... and I had no idea her eyes could roll like that.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SoNotCool
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 10 2018
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Sometimes you have to hock a Louie...

to get Moore done.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wirebodie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 10 2017
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On a boat

I am visiting my parents, and today my dad and I went out sailing on the lake. We put the boat in, and then needed to tie it off to the dock while getting situated. My dad handed me a big tangled mess of rope, and suggested I untangle it and moor the boat with it. It was more tangled than any headphones I've seen. After a few moments I exclaimed in frustration, "who the hell put this rope away last?"
My dad quickly retorted, "I'm not sure, but they were certainly knoty."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/brendanvista
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 14 2014
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The production staff of Car Talk at NPR
  • Accounts Payable Administrator_______________Imelda Czechs

  • Accounts Payable Clerk, Moscow Office__________Dasha Chekhov

  • Air-Quality Monitor _________________________Carmine Dioxide

  • Caffeine Addiction Counselor__________________Bruno Moore

  • Chief Legal Counsel_________________________ Hugh Louis Dewey of Dewey, Cheetham & Howe

  • Cliche Monitor_____________________________Saul Wellingood

  • Clothing Designer__________________________Hugh Jass

  • Credit Counselor___________________________Max Stout

  • Director of Purchasing_______________________Lois Bidder

  • Director of Pavlovian Research________________Isabelle Ringing

  • Divorce Attorney___________________________Carmine Nottyors

  • Dog Trainer_______________________________Don Chase Katz

  • Ebay Specialist____________________________Selma Junkoff

  • Head of Security___________________________Barb Dwyer

  • Global Economics Forecaster_________________Helena Handbasket

  • Marine Biologist___________________________Frieda Wales

  • Father-in-Law Liaison_______________________Royal Payne Diaz

  • Mother-in-Law Liaison______________________Stella Payne Diaz

  • Official Spokesperson_______________________Howie Vasive

  • Restroom Attendants_______________________Trudy Door & Donna Hall

  • Russian Chauffeur__________________________Picov Andropov

  • Scout Leader______________________________Lawson D. Woods

  • Shop Foreman_____________________________Luke Bizzy

  • Staff Intuitionist____________________________Ivan Inkling

  • Used Car Salesman_________________________Alexis Itznot

Full list can be found here: http://www.cartalk.com/content/staff-credits

show more
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/IcedPyro
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 20 2016
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the law

a coworker of mine had to pick up his son whose car had stalled at a Murphy's gas station. It was the second time he had stalled there.

He told his son "you shouldn't come here any more" his son said "why?" "because murphy's law seems to be working here.

that would be good enough but then they started talking about murphys law and other laws like moores law etc.

Then his son said "thats like Coe's Law" My friend said "Whats Coe's Law?" His son said "Its shredded cabbage mixed with dressing and spices"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/chodan9
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 17 2017
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My dad's a big James Bond fan and he told me to try Viagra if I was feeling upset and lonely

"It wont make you Daniel Craig but it will make you Roger Moore."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/rustedhero
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 05 2016
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aka Bread Willis-Kutcher

Me, i.e. dad: This bread is delicious. Is it sourdough?

Wife, i.e. wife: Heck if I know. It's just a demi baguette.

Me: You know what they call if you buy two?

Wife: No; what?

Me: Demi Moore.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/EEMIV
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 03 2015
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007

Viagra won't make you James Bond. But it will make your Roger Moore

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Technical-Jelly
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 25 2020
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VIAGRA: It won't make you James Bond...

But it will make you Roger Moore.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kickypie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 10 2020
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