My wife said, “You’re one in a million, Hon
...Go get the Johnson and Johnson vaccine!”
I was talking to God. "How longis a million years?"
God replies, "To me, its about a minute."
I asked, "How much is $5 million?"
God replies, "To me its like a penny."
I asked, "May I have a penny please?"
God replies, "Wait a minute. "
Wife: Suppose you hit a jackpot of a Million dollars in a lottery and the same day, someone kidnaps me and demands ransom of a million , what will you do?
Husband: I doubt if I can hit two jackpots in one day.
What begins with a P, ends with an E and has a million letters in it
I got a mail saying that I won a million dollars because I could read Maps backwards
I thought to myself, "That's just Spam".
How do you measure the heaviness of a 2.4 million Scoville chilli pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.
I just found out that “Lincoln” made about $300 million in movie theatres.
Which is weird. Lincoln usually doesn’t do too well in theatres.
My friend called me and said he lost the million dollar prize because he couldn't think of a neighbor to Saudi Arabia...
Did you know that an ATM has 80 Million in it?
That's why it's called 80M.
My son was about to ask me 1 million questions about everything.
I tried to make jokes about the millions unemployed and out of work.
Fungi have thrived on Earth for more than 400 million years
You know what they say... history favors the mold.
Theres 3.3 million people in here so I figured id go ahead and post that im looking for one night stand.
Matter of fact, make it 2. I need one for each lamp.
I just won a million bucks!
What am I gonna do with all these deer?
A man with 3 kids is always happier than a man with $3 million....
The man with $3 million always wants more.
ASTROLOGY.... Because millions of stars and planets have spent billions of years lining themselves up....
....just to let her know, that "she'll meet someone with nice eyes today."
Did you know the Boeing 747 contains about 6 million parts?
The XFL was just sold to Dwayne Johnson and a couple of investors for $15 million...
..now that's a Rock bought 'em price.
What do you call a T Rex who farted millions of years ago?
What do you call a hoard of a million Latin-speaking gigantic sharks?
Ver Million is the character’s name btw
God finally answered my prayer for winning the $10 million lottery.
I won a million dollars
I didn't even spend a penny because i had to wake up and pee
How can you get to one million karma in a day?
You can, but it has to be a cakewalk
Each year 100 million birds die in the US by crashing into Windows...
I guess you could call them Blue Screens of Death.
What do you call a million dollar idea?
Did you hear about the Franciscan Friar who inherited 30 million dollars?
I won a million dollars playing the lottery and donated a quarter of it to my favorite charity.
What should I do with the remaining $999,999.75?
How do you make a million bucks?
I've told you a million times...
Did you know there are over 2 million Flat Earthers?
Yeah, they’re all around the world.
I like Tron quite a bit, but I like Megatron a million times more.
"Dark joke" How do you get 11 million followers?
Run through Africa with a water bottle.
The most expensive diamond in 2017 sold for $71.2 million USD
to Hong Kong-based jewelry retailer Chu Tai Fook. Over the last few months as the protests in Hong Kong have become heated Mr. Chu has been on the side of the government which has caught the eye of the international gem dealers, causing him to become a bit of a pariah.
The diamond went up for sale his and the Chinese government wanted to ensure that world's most expensive gem got a fair price. Mr. Chu approached Southerby's who was hesitant to get involved in what could be deemed a political gem sale. Despite his protests none of the world's leading auction houses the answer was always the same, they would not do the auction. This is when president Xi Jiping got involved to ensure that some good news could come out of China.
Last week it was reported that Rick Harrison, from Pawn Stars, had approached Xi Jinping saying that he would hold the diamond but couldn't promise more than $500 USD from the sale of the pendant. This infuriated the Chinese president threatened to take down the reality TV star, but Harrison was adamant telling Mr. Pooh, "If Chu wished to pawn the star, makes no difference who you are"
My son learned about radioactive decay in chemistry class, he was real excited when he got home and had a million questions. He wanted to build a reactor in the back yard. I told him we couldn’t. “What, are you not smart enough?”
“No U”
I’ll see myself out.
I'd like to point out that r/dadjokes is about 100 subs away from 2 million
My father told me a million times
Never to exaggerate.
If you buy an album and it goes platinum, you're technically one in a million.
I make millions every day.
I’ve told my son 10 million times not to exaggerate
My friend on IG reach the 1 million milestone and he asked me “How do my haters like me now?”
How do you make a $million in todays uncertain economy...?
This may be TMI, but the English Wikipedia alone has 5.77 million articles
I asked God, “How long is a million years?” He said, “A minute.” I asked God, “How much is a million dollars?” He said, “A penny.” So I asked God for a penny and he said.,,
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