What am I gonna do with all these deer?
That's a plane fact.
MegaLodon.
..now that's a Rock bought 'em price.
Ex stinked
I didn't even spend a penny because i had to wake up and pee
I guess you could call them Blue Screens of Death.
You can, but it has to be a cakewalk
The answer was no.
“In a minute.”
He was an heir friar.
...to stop exaggerating
With a whole lot of doe
Yeah, they’re all around the world.
What should I do with the remaining $999,999.75?
I'm not sure what I'd do with the other $297,999,999.75 though.
to Hong Kong-based jewelry retailer Chu Tai Fook. Over the last few months as the protests in Hong Kong have become heated Mr. Chu has been on the side of the government which has caught the eye of the international gem dealers, causing him to become a bit of a pariah.
The diamond went up for sale his and the Chinese government wanted to ensure that world's most expensive gem got a fair price. Mr. Chu approached Southerby's who was hesitant to get involved in what could be deemed a political gem sale. Despite his protests none of the world's leading auction houses the answer was always the same, they would not do the auction. This is when president Xi Jiping got involved to ensure that some good news could come out of China.
Last week it was reported that Rick Harrison, from Pawn Stars, had approached Xi Jinping saying that he would hold the diamond but couldn't promise more than $500 USD from the sale of the pendant. This infuriated the Chinese president threatened to take down the reality TV star, but Harrison was adamant telling Mr. Pooh, "If Chu wished to pawn the star, makes no difference who you are"
My father told me a million times
Never to exaggerate.
Run through Africa with a water bottle.
“No U”
I’ll see myself out.
Who’s a good boy
But that turned out to be not the case.
By double tapping...
Now they say it's been 66 million years.
Start with $2million.
a gorillanaire
I gave up on the first
A chamillionaire
Velocirapper
Him: I didn’t lie. I have 25 bucks.
You start with a billion.
Source: Old airline industry Dad joke. Worked in the airline technology sector for a while.
It is a top cellar.
He was arrested for money laundering.
Dad “if I knew ice was worth that much I’d put more in the fridge”
Of how to become a millionaire from Reddit.
The other six are the Zeroes.
http://imgur.com/a/wPzCC
Take the 's' out of 'safe' and the 'f' out of 'way'.
I'd buy a new butt cause mine has a crack in it.
...but that's just a ballpark number.
Well I think it's bullshit...
Jar dropping news.
Because he was a fungi!!
Why'd the ask him to leave?
Because there wasn't mushroom!
An old-slow snail decides one day that he has had enough of the townsfolk belittling him for his pace. He spends about three-days making his way over to the Car-Dealership so that he can buy himself a sports car.
While at the dealership he asks the salesman if they will customize his Corvette for him. The Salesman replies, "Sure! What can we do for you!?"
The snail replies, "I would like you to paint a big, red "S" on the side of my car?"
The salesman says, confused, "Of course we can."
The customization is done and the Salesman turns to the Snail and says, "We're all finished, but I have to ask---While looking through your information I couldn't find any reason why you would want an 'S' on your car---Your first or last name doesn't start with 'S', So--Why the heck did you want that 'S' on your car?!"
The Snail turns to him and replies gently- " For years I have been tormented by the people of my town, and now I'll get to fly by them in my fancy sports-car, and they'll all say: 'Wow! Look at that 'S' Car go!"
Kid me: Hey dad what would you do with a million dollars? Dad: I'd get a new butt, because mine's got a big crack in it!
Me: They may as well be puritans. Female Coworker: Aren't they Quakers? Aren't Quakers the horse people? Dad Coworker: No, they're the oats people.
The first million just didn't work out.
don't exaggerate!"
A standard growing up with my old man.
