Arkansas is the only state mentioned in the Bible.
“Noah walked out onto the ark and saw....”
Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?
My mom played the clarinet in high school. She mentioned she wanted to play again, but doesn't have the money to waste on it. I ordered one for her birthday and left her a subtle clue.
While driving down in a part of town we don't usually visit, my 12yo son noticed and mentioned a barber shop named Roman Palace.
I told him they only do Caesar cuts.
While taking a tour of a college campus, the tour guide mentioned that the school was surrounded by three different cemeteries.
Tour guide: And did you know that if you live across from a cemetery, you can’t be buried there?
Me: What?? Why not?
Tour guide: Because you’re still alive!
The other dads in my Zoom meeting today may have been a bit jealous. I mentioned how my adolescent daughter has been so generous and nice during quarantine while I use the family computer for work, instead of her wasting time all day, watching YouTube. I have to say,
I'm glad to have the no-vid kind teen.
Just mentioned to the Mrs that I’ve always had a little bit of a thing for Beyoncé. “whatever floats your boat” she said. “No” I said “that’s buoyancy”
My other friend (the one not mentioned previously) got wind of a brand new invention for serving frozen confections...
It was an ice cream scoop.
Mentioned at breakfast: How do you poach an egg?
A blind man was at the doctor’s when the doctor mentioned a possible cure for his vision problems.
There’s a solution in sight.
I mentioned intense circle jerk Tuesdays and beans earlier
My friend broke out crying when I mentioned her hand rash.
Where is baseball mentioned in the Bible?
Genesis 1:1 -- "In the big inning..."
When I mentioned to my dad that my friend was adopted...
Dad: You know you were adopted too, right?
Me (8 years old): I was?!
Dad: Yeah, but you were such a miserable kid they made your mom and I take you back.
So i was talking to my dad about guardians of the galaxy and when i mentioned Chris Pratt my dad sighs and says...
I dont know how parents can be mean enough to name their child after a fried rodent.. and i just sat there looking at him confused until he whispered...... "crisp rat"
My sister mentioned to my parents that her underwear have holes in them and she needs some more.
My dad replied with "how many holes? Because they should have three."
Wrote some quotes on my feet in preparation for an exam, the rules never mentioned anything against using footnotes
My dad mentioned he was getting a cold, so I give him some Zinc because that's what my mom used to do.
He goes "Thanks for Zincing of me" and walks out the door without missing a beat.
My girlfriend mentioned that Courtney Cox-Arquette got divorced...
...so now she's Courtney Cox once more. I asked if there was a hyphen between Cox and Once More.
Then she looked at the empty room and said, "Can you believe this guy?". We love each other.
My wife mentioned that a friend’s beard looked nice today. I said, “You know what they say about beards...”
I mentioned to my coworkers I used to be a chemistry major, the dad who sits behind me asks:
What do you get with 1 barium and 2 sodiums? After thinking about it for a few seconds... I turned around to tell him I didn't know.
I went to brunch with my family today, and my wife mentioned there was a baby shower at another table. I said...
"I thought babies took baths, not showers!"
I mentioned a pun to my friend and his balloon popped.
I didn't mean for it to happen. It just came bursting out.
As we waited for a bus in the frosty weather, my daughter mentioned to me that she makes a lot of mistakes when texting in the cold...
I nodded knowingly. “It’s the early signs of typothermia.”
My girlfriend mentioned her coworker went to Ghana today..
I responded: What's he Ghana do?
"What are the names of all 10 reindeer mentioned in 'Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer'?"
"Well, let me see. There's Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, Rudolf, and ... and... There are only 9 reindeer mentioned in the song."
"Nope. There's 10. You forgot 'Olive'."
"'Olive'? There's not a reindeer named 'Olive'."
"Yes there is. '♫ Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names...♫'
Someone mentioned the Vatican.
My husband: "I've been to Vatican City. There are so many pigeons there."
Me: "No, they're called cardinals."
Wife mentioned there was a produce warehouse on fire near downtown.
I said, "Well, guess they didn't stock enough watermelon." She refuses to talk to me now...
Link: http://www.nbcdfw.com/news/local/Smoke-Seen-for-Miles-from-Fire-near-Downtown-Dallas-422199263.html
My coworkers groaned every time I mentioned it
A coworker last night named Mark accidentally left a bottle of water at my station. To make sure he gets it next time he comes in, I wrote his name on it with a sharpie.
I've been telling people I Marked the bottle.
Teacher mentioned specialist who would massage one's aura in a lecture on holistic medicine...
..."I could really go for an aural massage right now" I said.
I didn't realize I'd spoken aloud until I felt everyone silently staring at me.
My friend got me good when I mentioned the Arab Spring...
"isn't that a type of Axe body spray?"
I think he is ready for fatherhood.
While watching football, the announcer mentioned the team averaged 6-1/2 sacks a game. My wife says "How do you get half a sack?"...
... I told her "Ask Lance Armstrong."
Every time someone mentioned the time being "2:30":
Dad: that's a good time to go to the dentist...
I mentioned I was still hungry after dinner last night...
..My 8 year old told me it was because I wasn't eating to my full potential.
She got me good.
My gf mentioned some singer named Constantine.
So I told her it was Greek for forever young. Constant teen. Full disclosure, I am a dad.
They were talking about baseball on sports radio when, for some reason, they mentioned an event Anakin Skywalker was attending in southern California...
... He went to the San Diego Pod Race.
Last night my grandpa mentioned he wanted to dye his hair...
because it's completely gray now. I asked him why he would dye it, and my dad said, "'cause he's got a belly."
My dad's car is mentioned in the bible...
He always says that the bible talks about how good his car's seating is when it says "the angels all sang in one Accord".
Did you know that Arkansas is the only US state mentioned in the bible?
I might be paraphrasing but the passage is "Noah looked out the ark and saw land"
My dad mentioned their church was trying to get more women involved...
... so they were holding a "nun run".
Me: I sure hope no one trips and starts a big pileup of nuns.
Dad: Oh?
Me: Yea, that'd be a total cloisterfuck.
Every time this player was mentioned on TV, my dad would turn to me and ask "do you think he's got a brother called Art?".
My mom mentioned that the play Wicked is going to be playing nearby.
Mom- considering 3 of the 4 of us like Wicked and the other hasn't seen it before...
Me- How wicked of you.
Rest of family- Hardy har har
Why should the number 288 never be mentioned ?
Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?
Why should the number 288 never be mentioned in polite company?
As we waited for a bus in the frosty weather, the woman next to me mentioned that she makes a lot of mistakes when texting in the cold...
I nodded knowingly. “It’s the early signs of typothermia.”
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