Hello!

I'm currently in the process of planning my intercultural Pakistani-white wedding (FH is Pakistani-American, I'm white). We're trying to reach a cultural blend we're happy with and our families are happy with, and how that's seeming to shake out right now is a civil ceremony (preceded by a baraat) with Muslim and Christian blessings, with a big (well, big by western standards) dinner-and-dancing reception afterward (FH will wear a tux; I'll wear a western white wedding dress). The night before, we're going to do a big mehndi party, with all of our wedding guests (100-150 people) invited to the Friday night festivities.

My fiancé and his mom are throwing the mehndi on Friday, while my family and I are hosting the wedding/shaadi on Saturday. I'm deferring to my fiancé and his family on most details, because they obviously have attended WAY more mehndis than I have! My FMIL is really excited to plan this party, which makes me happy, and she wants to connect me with one of her friends who is a Pakistani clothing designer to get my mehndi outfit from her. I'm perfectly happy to work with FMIL's friend, because I know virtually nothing about South Asian clothing in general, let alone South Asian wedding attire! I was given a link to this designer's website, and was told that I could switch fabric colors to whatever I'd like, and add/take away sleeves as I want. So I'm excited to get to create something that's my own.

Of all the designs on this designer's website, I'm particularly drawn to this one: https://www.reenassignatureline.com/products/zinc-blue-karandi. (I'm blonde and pale, so this shade of blue would suit me). But because I have not gone to that many mehndis, I wanted to poll this subreddit to see what you all think, especially in light of the following issues:

1. The sleeves, or lack thereof. I do not have a good sense of how appropriate sleeveless outfits are for Pakistani events. I know that for Eids and other celebrations, I gravitate toward long-sleeved salwar kameezes, because I'm not trying to be the white girl causing a stir! But... it's on the (Pakistani, living in Pakistan) designer's website, so... am I wrong about the propriety of a sleeveless shirt? Long sleeves don't appeal to me because I'll be getting my henna done at the mehndi (I won't have that much to do, since I'll be getting a fairly minimalist floral design). But I don't want to cause a ruckus! So should

April 20, 2007 13:28 IST
Aishwarya Rai's La Mer residence in Bandra was bustling with activity on Thursday night, the night of her mehndiceremony, on the eve of her wedding to Abhishek Bachchan.

The lane outside her home was full of fans, media persons, police and security personnel. Neighbouring residents were out on their balconies and windows to catch a glimpse of the proceedings.

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So, bit of a back story: I am 33F who’s half white, half Indian (Indian father, British mother). My whole life I’ve always felt I was ‘missing’ part of my identity, specifically my Indian heritage. The only tradition we have kept is Indian cookery. Indian cooking brings back so many happy memories growing up. However, when my dads family moved to the UK everything got left behind (culture and all) due to my family trying to fit into the UK. My dads family is also Roman Catholic, which I have found seems to be not as common.

What I want to know is that if I should have Mehndi at my wedding, would I be committing cultural appropriation? I feel it would be a nice way to Connect with my culture but on the other hand my relatives have not had theirs done. It’s hard to decide…

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