Why did the lion cross the road?

To get to the other pride

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ghostwriter623
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2021
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When I was a kid I thought we’d all grow up to work with horses

All people ever talked about was getting a stable job...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_bradley
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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What type of image format do lion photographers use?

RAWR

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InfinitySandwich
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
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What did the lion say to the zoo keeper that shaved its body bald but kept the mane?

.. Aww mane, no fur!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/duderdudeguy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
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What did the man say during the fight scene in the Lion King?

β€œPay attention, I think this may be the mane event!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmperorCowzilla
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
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A view of the mane cabin from the tail end.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blackbeardmd
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
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A taxidermist put a mane on a mounted dead cat

He was lion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unknownamouse
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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I’ve considered becoming a professional horse groomer.

It would be a stable job

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πŸ‘€︎ u/designerd101
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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I just catapulted a lion at the zoo

You would not believe the uproar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MLaBolle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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Neigh, a pun for fun, for everyone!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/White0101
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
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Never ask a horse for advice.

They are a bunch of neigh sayers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
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When gladiators fought lions, it was always the mane event
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πŸ‘€︎ u/topderp1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2017
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CarnyVore
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πŸ‘€︎ u/travischapmanart
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
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I got a job grooming police horses

I hate working with the fuzz... But it's a stable job.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justryingtokeepup
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
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I’d be lion if I say this is funny.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AMswag123
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
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If I turned into a horse

My head and neck hair would be my mane concern

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bobaex
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
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One horse said to another:

Your pace is familiar but I don't remember the mane.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GobAteMyHamster
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
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Since the government's instituted shelter-in-place orders, lions have been roaming main street...

It's a Pride Parade.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
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It's great that we're starting to use the term "crewed" for astronaut missions.

"maned missions" was getting pretty crude.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VaiterZen
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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What is Gordon Ramsay's favourite part of a Lion?

It's ROAR

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JimbobobaboBob
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
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So a farmer has trouble telling his two horses apart...

He cuts the tail of one of them and that works for awhile, but it eventually grows back. So he cuts the mane off the other one and that works, too, but that grows back and once again he is stuck.

Finally he decides to measure the horses and discovers that the black one is a foot taller than the white one.

[real joke told to me by my dad]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GameNWatch
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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Just got caught off-guard by my eleven-year-old daughter.

So, in true dad spirit, I asked my daughter if she'd heard about the man raised by horses.

After I delivered the "difficult childhood, but a stable environment" punchline, she groaned and said, "I thought you were going to say he was your neigh-bour."

She learns fast.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/churplaf
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2016
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The lion is the most popular animal at the zoo

It’s the mane attraction

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jeffs3695
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
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What do you call a Chinese dragon's beard?

Low mane

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AminesToAnEnd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
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My wife told me I needed to get a haircut.

I had so many things to do today a trim wasn't my mane concern.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/msdos_sys
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
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What is the gay lion's favorite week?

Pride week.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dudesky1325
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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My executive assistant has long hair.

I call him my mane man

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
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Seahorse
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tickle_my_testis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2018
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I put a scrunchie on my horse today and she loved it.

It's her new mane squeeze.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chuck_Finnley
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
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I always dream about opening up a horse groomer in Maine.

I'd call it, Maine's main mane on main.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rabbithole00
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
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I asked a horse farmer why horses from Maine are so much more expensive.

Although more difficult to maintain, he said their manes are their main appeal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thedasvot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
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Why did the lion eat the tight rope walker?

He wanted a balanced breakfast

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AwesomeGuyGaming
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
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My dad said this to my mom yesterday.

Where do you take a sick horse?

A horspital

I cringed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/linkguy23
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2017
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People with long hair don't get enough credit

This stuff is hard to mane-tain.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
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Hay Girl... imgur.com/jDsq3zZ
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tim_uwang
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2013
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Coworker didn't believe me when I said four out of three Americans are bad with fractions

I told her if I was lion, I'd have a mane.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bawub
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2018
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Horses don’t really care about hair loss.

It’s not a mane problem for them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhymeswithbacons
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2018
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Why was the lion's neck all wet?

He had a leaky water mane.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Godzilla_KOM
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2018
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Why do male lions make great leaders?

They are good at mane-taning order

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πŸ‘€︎ u/me_me_big_boi
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2018
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What does a lion call his barber?

His mane man!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SonicBlaze
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2017
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We were walking past a salon called Shears

so I pointed and said "Where everybody knows your mane."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chelbski-willis
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2016
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My physics teacher today

He's normally filled with dad jokes, but today was a bit more than usual.

Physics problem about horse pulling cart

Teacher stands up on table and makes horse noises

Class laughs

Teacher: What? I'm a horse! It's a bit of a long tale!

Class laughs

Teacher: but, let's stop horsing around and get to the mane point!

Student: You're on a roll today Mr. Teacher!

Teacher: No, I'm on a table!

Later on in class

Teacher: As you can see forces come in pairs! Pulls out a pear and opens it up revealing F and -F on each side

And then later on

Student: Hold on Mr. Teacher, I'll fix the calculations.

Teacher grabs onto desk

Teacher: When can I stop holding on?

Just a typical day in physics for me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AdventurePee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2013
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What did the horse say to the person messing with their hair?

C'mon mane

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ny_knicka
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2017
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My dad just text me this I thought you guys would enjoy it

A lion goes into the barbers to get a hair cut. The barber finishes up and says "Its that alright Mr. Lion or would you like me to take anymore off?" The lion replies "No that's great thanks, I can see clearly now the mane has gone."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Karmaworks
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2015
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Apparently Dartmoor ponies are being sold for their meat to help the herd survive.

Here is the story. I suggested to the family that they might make a good mane course and got many groans for my trouble.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blarty97
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2015
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What does a lion call his barber?

His Mane Man!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kovehshteeble
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2017
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