Yet another job lost to machines
I asked the trainer at the gym, which machine I should use to impress the ladies?
He pointed outside and said "The ATM machine. "
To get to the time machine.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
I can’t believe I wasted all my time trying to help rearrange the vending machines at my local grocery store...
I’ve been moving them around all day but they still say they are “Out of Order”
Why does my coin minting machine have to be broken...
It just doesn't make cents
I added water to our bread machine
I don’t know if it worked, but it kneaded it.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
When the mystery machine gets a flat tire who has to change it?
I hooked up a spooky mind control device to a windowblind making machine
Just thinking about it makes me shutter
Coin making machines are really easy to understand. It just makes cents.
What does a Greek machine need to work?
If Hugh Hefner had a noise machine, which noises would he listen to?
I am sure someone has posted this one before, but, since I haven’t seen it, here goes! What did the wood screw say to the machine screw?
Wow! Those are some fine lookin’ threads, brotha!
I decided to invent a time machine you wear like a belt
It turned out to be a complete waist of time
The US Postal Service doesn't have enough machines to differentiate the mail.
They're all out of sorts.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
I decided to make a fortune with a new invention, a pen vending machine!
I was going to make a joke about cash Machines but
I can’t think of any atm.
I sat down to sew and wouldntchayknow it, the machine is broken.
Guess that was my last stitch effort.
Not much to see here, just a boring machine.
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback
My friend showed me his plans to produce a machine that makes pennies. At first, his concept didn't plausible...
After checking my wallet, I stood in front of the vending machine and confidently said to myself...
A sketchy guy just came to my shop and bought 12 smoke machines so I called the cops....
I thought he could be part of some extreme mist group
A friend and I went to Mcdonalds. They have these new digital machines you order from. I had my friend order a mc-chicken at the counter at the same time I ordered an egg McMuffin at the machine.
I wanted to see what came first, the chicken or the egg.
It’s so unethical for a dog to be a doctor. Dogs can’t control machines like x-rays. But catscan.
I saw a raccoon with a sewing machine, I asked my wife "Does that raccoon know how to sew?"
She said, "That's how it seams"
Boba Fett has been hired to steal Doc Brown’s time machine
He’s after that man’s delorean
The new theather wasn't able to use a fog machine in their new play.
It was really a mist oppurtunity.
A vending machine went to the doctor to have a tumor looked at
The doctor said the tumor was B9
What's the name of the machine the ancient greeks used to calculate how best to fight hybrid monsters?
The antichimera mechanism.
(I don't know how obscure this is, but if it doesn't make sense click this link)
Where do you go to buy used coffee machines?
My ice machine was really cool, so I decided to encourage it... I said, "good job ice machine, you're crushing it."
After two hours of continuous use, our Xerox machine wanted to go to Starbucks.
It really needed a copy break.
A fox went to a nearby ATM machine, and took out his card.
A girl nearby and a monkey screamed, "Swiper, no swiping!"
I'm trying to come up with an alternative name for a cash machine
But I can't think of one ATM.
My son said that he doesn’t want to do laundry because our washing machine is too loud.
I told him to put a sock in it.
Washing machines love to exercise.
Especially the Spin Cycle.
The inventor of the time machine is depressed, so I bet he can't wait to put this year ahead of him.
I stole a money printing machine but I can't figure out how to use it.
It just doesn't make cents.
What do you call a machine designed to paddle a boat?
I stepped in to a machine..
on the first floor, seconds later i was on the tenth. Well, that escalated fast...
What did the pilot say to the Xerox machine?
What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
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