But, I just canโt get it to land correctly.
Iโm looking for something catchy.
What does that mean?
I gave them my two weak notice
Me: What about when a lion roars?
4yo: That means โIโm a tiger.โ
Me: Why doesnโt he say โIโm a lionโ?
4yo: Because heโs lyinโโฆ
(Accidental pun? Or prodigy?)
It's called wattsapp.
I kept throwing out the W's.
The doctor says itโs terminal.
I need Help.
trial mix.
the difference is margarinal.
Why was the Headless Horseman never invited to business parties?
๐ Because he couldnโt get a-head in life.
What did the eye say to the other eye?
๐ Eye see you.
Why didnโt the right-handed man ask the other man if he was alright?
๐๐ป The other man was left-handed.
Why is the letter U upset about televison?
๐บ Because U isnโt included in it.
How come the letter Y hates asking questions?
โThe response is always, โY, you ask?โ
Why did the horse become a comedian?
๐ด He was very fun-neigh.
Why did Mrs. Banana leave Mr. Banana?
๐ They had a split.
What do you get when you cross a doctor and a lemon?
๐ Lemon-aid.
Why do the spices argue a lot?
๐ง Because theyโre salty.
Why did the noodle have to go to bed?
๐ It was pasta-his bed time.
What did Mr. Volcano say to Mrs. Volcano?
๐ I lava you.
Why do the gardening tools hate Stacy?
๐ชด Stacyโs a hoe.
Why are you beautiful?
๐Because โBe youโ is in the word itself.
The last one is more heartwarming than funny, but I thought itโd be included.
I must have a weekend immune system.
I donโt even know where Little Debbie lives.
But at what cost?
Why do they put fences around cemeteryโs? Because people are dying to get in.
I told my daughters this joke years ago and told them it was from my dad. I want a joke that I can make at his funeral to my children in his honor. Can you help me out?
Wednesday is open Mike night.
I like to think Iโm a corny-sseur.
Itโs called โCurry on my Wayward Spudโ
And yesโฆthereโll be peas when you are done
Three Doors Down.
Because I donโt like moles and certainly donโt want to consume their asses
Heโs under a lot of stress caring for my mom and I thought it might lift his spirits. Hit me with your best ones. PG-13 OK, but nothing he canโt read to my pre-teen niece.
She says Iโm always making a racket.
Because thatโs nacho cheese.
I know itโs just his normal distribution of insults.
I turn the shower on.
Guess Iโll just try to wing it.
I donโt know why.
Speling and counting.
Because my father was murdered by a man called Jeff onions
โGood to meet you Bored. Iโm Dadโ
Iโm not qualified to perform that kind of dental work.
I just canโt put it down.
Iโm more of a so-so path.
But Iโm better now that Iโm in therapathy.
Iโm so sick of his monkey business.
Iโm more of a Btheist.
Receding airlines.
but Iโm pretty sure sheโs seeing someone else.
It has pros and cons.
Something bad is going to happen.
I can feel it.
I donโt think anyone will guess that because itโs gnocchiโฆ
A brick has gotten me through every other window I needed to get into.
I said โWell thatโs pee in the cornerโฆโ
I need Help!
