Smiling like a fool, lifting her veil, looking longingly into my beloved's eyes, I whispered, "A...E...I...O...U...and sometimes Y."

The priest then turned to her.

"And has the bride prepared any wedding vowels?"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 13 2019
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[long pun, bear with it] A father and son are going fishing...

The father is showing his son how to prepare the fishing rod, how to set the line, and how to affix the bait. Father: "Now son, you can use many different kinds of bait. This worm, for example." The father says as he weaves the worm onto the hook and casts the line. Son: "What happens next dad?" As if on cue, the father pulls against the line, calling forth a panicked fish from the water. The son exclaims in amazement, as the father prepares the line for his next cast. He reaches into the tackle box, and beings to attach something to the hook. Son: "Dad, what kind of bait is that?" Father: "This is clickbait son." Son: "What happens next dad?" Father: "What happens next will shock you."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/appa-ate-momo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 16 2017
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When I worked for a design agency, I had two adamant higher-ups... (Long Pun)

When I worked for a design agency, I had two adamant higher-ups. There was a brand identity project for a new company, and I was in charge of typography, but those two disagreed with my choice of font.

The first one was this stony-looking Peruvian-American man named Esteban Ferrero, but since that's Spanish for Steven Smith, and our company had a rule that everyone has to call each other using nicknames instead of last names, everyone, including himself, just called him Steve. The second one was a Dutch woman with a sharp glare named Evelien van der Berg. She was famous for giving designers a hard time convincing her that their design choices work better than hers. In accordance with the company rules, we called her Eve.

Anyway, I showed Steve my first draft, and he wasn't convinced that I chose LinoLetter as the main font, and told me that I should use a sans-serif font. But I stood by my position that serifs add legibility to printed and digital material, that it fits the company's identity as an organic store, and that it is hard to stand out with a sans-serif. It took a lot of debate, but in the end, Steve was convinced that LinoLetter was acceptable.

A few days later, I showed Eve a more elaborated version, as for the sizes and styles of the font, and the pairing of LinoLetter with Century as the headline font. She insisted that I should have used a sans-serif font for the headline. I expressed my view that LinoLetter is a font with composed and legible shape, and Century, while it is also legible, has flair at larger sizes. She kept disagreeing with me, saying I should use something bolder and more contrasting, like Tungsten. It felt like hours had passed before the conversation went anywhere, so I had to give up and look for a sans-serif font that goes with LinoLetter.

So it goes to show that the one who gave me a hard time was adamant Eve, not adamant Steve.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 26 2016
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Where do you put your mystical cards?

In the tarot bowl. A threatening bovine on one of these cards is the terror bull. The cards are made out of paper, so they're tearable. When you take the cards out of the bowl, the bowl is now tare-able. But truth be told, this long pun is terrible.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/zizmax_
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 26 2013
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What’s a foot long and slippery?

A slipper.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 812
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Eternal_Punshine
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 27 2021
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My granddaugter today (she's 8) How did the man breath underwater for so long without help?

He put a glass of water on his head!

It's the first time I have been able to see and hug her in over a year, and she made me so proud!

*Edit: So many typos in my title.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 620
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheVetheron
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 18 2021
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My cousin is obsessed with Belle Delphine (long)

I’m worried about my cousin. He’s 28 with a good job. Has a lot in common with me (nerdy habits: board games, gaming conventions, anime etc). Unfortunately I have recently learned that he is one of those poor souls obsessed with Belle Delphine. Apparently it started out innocently enough. My cousin is into cosplay. He’s into girls. Ooh, there’s cosplay girls on the internet? What began as a YouTube channel subscription and a few dozen likes on Instagram has progressed into something much more serious. This man is spending money. My cousin’s social media accounts have recently featured pictures of him with his Belle Delphine merch. T-shirts, body pillows, there’s even some kind of bed spread/comforter with her googly-eyed tongue-outy face on it. Did you know that Belle Delphine briefly partnered with Tom’s shoes for a limited edition series of footwear? I knew that, because my cousin won’t shut up about how he bought them all. He’s got at least three jars of dirty bath water and a gaming keyboard with her face on it. It’s really sad. I think the isolation of the pandemic really exacerbated his behavior. He says that he and Belle are destined to be together. For my part, I’m telling him that this isn’t healthy behavior, and I’m encouraging him to seek counseling. I’m convinced he has a mental health issue like Obsessive Love Disorder or Erotomania. Afterall, he does have all of the Simp Toms.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 38
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PlatonicMaleTouching
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 01 2021
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Your nose will never be 12 inches long

Because then it would be a foot.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 653
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/extremely_4getful
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 29 2021
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What’s brown,long and sticky?

A stick.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mobiusman2020
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 02 2021
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What’s long, strong, bendable and has the letters p, i, n, s, e?

Your spine

πŸ‘οΈŽ 31
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pathrado
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 28 2021
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I would date him in a heartbeat
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lady_hagrid
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 28 2021
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After I long time I told my hot coworker how I felt,

She felt the same way.

So I turned on the air conditioner

πŸ‘οΈŽ 41
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/iNeedHealing24_7
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 24 2021
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The other day I was stood in a queue for the barbers, the line was so long they started handing out burgers and hot dogs.

Best barber-queue I’ve ever been too

πŸ‘οΈŽ 31
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ismashket
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 01 2021
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Dad: "You were ado...."

Daughter: "I was adopted?"

Dad: "You were adorable as a baby!"

Daughter: "Oh!!"

Dad: "That's why we adopted you. "

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 29 2021
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Why did the billiards player take so long to take his shot?

He was waiting for his cue.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ChknNQuaffles
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 29 2021
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What's long, hard and slippery?

A hard slipper.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 02 2021
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My career as a street fighter didn't last very long.

I broke my hand punching a curb.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 35
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 02 2021
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What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?

R2-Detour

πŸ‘οΈŽ 30
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BellaLugosisChips
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 30 2021
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A man went to buy long underwear cause the weather was getting cold. Cashier asked " How long would you like them"

From march to September said the man

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/weebmemer69420
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 21 2021
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A woman goes to her doctor. He says: β€œHaven’t seen you in a long time”

She says: β€œThat’s because I was sick”.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GrabApprehensive
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 31 2021
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What's long and sticky?

A stick.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/warrant2k
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 23 2021
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What do you call a snake that's 3.14 feet long?

A "Ο€"thon

πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ididittoem
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 04 2021
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How long is a light-year?

It is the same length as a regular year, but it has less calories!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/M47TH3W99
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 05 2021
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Back in the 70s and 80s, I’d often dress up nicely, go out and order dinner for one, see movies alone, take long solitary walks...

Wow, I’m really dating myself.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Uncle_Bug_Music
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 22 2021
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How long does it take to beat a Sega game backwards? Ages...
πŸ‘οΈŽ 191
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jason-29
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 24 2021
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Why do melons have long engagements?

They cantaloupe.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/und88
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 23 2021
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Music puns sometimes hit the high notes
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/589ca35e1590b
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 07 2021
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I found this long ago.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 63
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AlhpaCrepe
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 04 2021
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Long live Rudolph the red
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pasd84
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 06 2020
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(Warning: Morbid dad joke) True Story -- My family were planning my mum's funeral. We always try to keep things light and try to stay positive, just as Mum would have it...

The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.

Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.

The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:

"What's sarong with that?"

I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).

His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.

--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)

--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/zipflop
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 12 2021
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Bit of a long shot...

but does anyone know a sniper?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 263
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/adfunk101
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 25 2021
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Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you.

That’s the punch line.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 54
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/American_Spud
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 08 2021
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Why do doctors always make you wait so long?

Because they know you're patient

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bobby_vance
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 27 2021
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I've served too long behind bars, I didn't choose this life

But anyway, what can I get ya?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Brillmedal
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 04 2021
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A horse walks into a bar... the bartender asks, β€œwhy the long face?”

The horse, not being able to comprehend human language, promptly shits on the floor and leaves.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MrFitBit
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 01 2021
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I would put a star wars joke

But I don't wanna force it

πŸ‘οΈŽ 503
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thatTurtleguy1234
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 28 2021
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A long time bachelor met a girl in a bar with a glass eye.

As she sat down next to him her glass eye fell to the floor next to his stoll. He picked it up and handed it back to her.

They chatted all night and hit it off pretty well and eventually started dating.

One day while lying in bed, he turns to her and asks:

"Why me? Out of all the guys that were at the bar that night, why did you choose me?"

She looked at him surprised and said:

"Well, you caught my eye."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 103
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RealitiesOfWar
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 22 2021
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I remember standing in solitude, at the end of the long landing overlooking the Pacific Ocean - this disembodied voice was urging me to jump, so I did...

I never could stand up to pier pressure.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DinglebarryHandpump
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 21 2021
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My favourite time of day is 6:30

Hands down.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 500
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Eternal_Punshine
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 26 2021
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Great joke, albeit a bit long winded.

There was once a boy. He was the son of the richest man in the universe. Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, he dwarfed them all. He was a multi-trillionaire. Now, it was this boy's birthday. His father asked him,

"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. A store full of lego, all the video games in the world, anything. What would you like?"

His son replied.

"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one pink ping pong ball."

His father was rather confused by this request. Out of all the things he could've chosen, his son chose a ping pong ball. Nonetheless, he agreed and gave him a pink ping pong ball. His son was overjoyed and spoke to him.

"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong ball?"

"Okay son, go ahead."

The boy then went up to his room and played with his pink ping pong ball. When his father went in the next morning to check on him, the boy was sleeping in his bed and the pink ping pong ball was nowhere to be found.

On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.

"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"

His son replied.

"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one box full of pink ping pong balls."

His father was again, confused by this. Still, he bought a cardboard box and filled it with ping pong balls. He gave it to his son, who said.

"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong balls?"

The father nodded, and the son went up to his room to play. The next morning when his father went to check, the boy was sleeping peacefully and there were no pink ping pong balls in sight. Just the empty cardboard box in the middle of the room.

On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.

"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"

"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one truck full of ping pong balls."

Now, by this point, the father was extremely confused. Why did the boy want so many pink ping pong balls and where were they going? He asked.

"My son. You are the most precious thing in the world to me and I can certainly get you this, but may I ask, why do you want

... keep reading on reddit ➑

show more
πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/phrresehelp
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 17 2021
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I saw a rock that was 5280 feet long

It was quite the milestone

πŸ‘οΈŽ 219
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kaoskrim
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 16 2021
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What do you call Gandhi after a very long walk while eating durian fruit.

Super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/fireburner80
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 07 2021
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The day I turned 42, my daughter walked up to me and said "happy...", and started timing on her watch. After a long silence she said...

"...40 second birthday". I was so proud.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 32k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/amplifi-dash
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 22 2020
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What's the secret of the Queen's long life?

Immortali-tea

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LookingForParadise5
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 09 2021
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If Kanye becomes president, how long till we’re celebrating Yeezster instead?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Might-Aromatic
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 03 2021
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Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?

Becuase then it will be a foot :)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 87
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hahahajeff
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 15 2021
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Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?

Because then it would be a foot.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/trwyncudd
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 27 2021
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Why your hand cant be 12 inches long?

Because then it would be a foot

πŸ‘οΈŽ 24
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ewpx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 16 2021
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