Longing for... Puns

I’d say he’s a seasoned pro.

It's just for a period.

At least for the four-seeable future.

But I pulled it off.

A Sore arse-saurus

I'm getting too old for this s**t.

I put one in last night and this morning it's dead!

There was no eggs-press lane!

It was a briefcase.

It's a Procrastinator.

"Not sure, let me check my logs."

It was a protracted battle

He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.

He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.

When they get back to Yoda’s hovel, they find that some creature has chewed a hole in the fence around Yoda’s garden.

“Something I have for this.” Yoda says again. Once again, he takes a bunch of forks out of his bag and, using duct tape, tapes them in to patch the hole.

Yoda and Luke return to Yoda’s home, where Yoda looks through his bag. He’s used all his forks but one, he discovers.

“That’s ok Master." Luke says, wanting to be helpful. “I’ll write us a note reminding us to buy more.”

So he writes the note and uses the very last fork to pin it to the bulletin board.

He looks down at Yoda expecting pride, but instead finds a look of horror.

“Master Yoda!” he asks. “What did I do wrong?”

Yoda replies sagely, “A Jedi uses the forks for no ledge and the fence. Never for a tack!”

My response: "144? That's a gross"

You'll get lost in their eyes.

They had a long conversation about bark.

Edit: Y'all are nuts! We're somewhere north of 10k upvotes now, so I'll direct any remaining attention to Boot Camp for New Dads.

She took a reign check.

It’s my dream job.

This is a Sirius question.

Trust me, it Hz.

Because it was made in china

He was just Biden his time

To tie his ox

Joke by my 9 year old brother

I guess you could say that he sometimes goes off on a sin/cos

I guess they were a little short-staffed

They gain wait.

Dad: No worries. I'm patient.

The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says “I don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, “whatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says “there’s no charge.” Shocked she replies “no really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” “Honestly ma’am”, the mortician says, “it costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”

It might be stupid, but 10/10 wood post again.

Dad: "Keep mum."

I guess it just runs in the jeans

"I couldn't accept all those perms and conditions."

He was a good copper spanner, Yule

I'm going vegan today.

Because then it would be a foot

It's just a waist of time

"Was it called "In Honor of Elizabeth Reed" back then?

They would’ve been lunatics.

Looks like someone fell asleep at the Switch.

As a long time dad, these jokes are like bowling for me, they're right up my alley.

For the first time in my life, everything is falling into place.

“The whole time.”

It might be stupid, but 10/10 wood post again.

“Not sure. Let me check the logs.”

“Not too sure. Let me check the logs.”