The line was dead.
It sounded really hard to land
...and Australia has the Outback Statehouse.”
See flat.
Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen.
Now I can't read anything.
Turns out, he only does odd jobs.
Ian
🍺 Beer is more nutritious than other alcoholic drinks.
🍺 Beer can help protect your heart.
🍺 Beer helps prevent kidney stones.
🍺 Beer lowers bad cholesterol.
🍺 Beer strengthens your bones.
🍺 Beer helps reduce stress.
🍺 Beer may help improve memory.
🍺 Beer helps cognitive function.
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- absoutely briliant
Elongate
They both have a great time.
Guess I caught M-all
$129.95 at JC Penny Portrait and Framing Studio
And the guy says “how many tattoos I have now”
Number 3 will shock you
Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.
One, ein, un, bat, ekab, moja, wahed, odin, yski
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit ➡A playlist.
He puts it in elf-abetical order.
Wife: (being sweet) thank you! What am I ever gonna do without you?
Me: Everything! Without me, you’re gonna have to do everything on that list.
Wife: groans and rolls eyes
-excerpt from my upcoming song "Walken in a Winter Wonderland"
Shirts? Yup. Pants? Yup. Sweatpants? Yup. Nikes? CHECK!
Edit: Grammar
He’s listed in serious but stable condition.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
But No pun in ten did.
It's on the Best Cellars list
Hope this is okay, but I write a new joke every week on a white board at work and I’ve run out of good ones. If you feel it’s relevant, I work for a roofing/siding company. Give me your best shot. I will reply if I find one to add to my list.
"in vivo lost vagus"
But it's up there.
Mine is just pail in comparison.
so she wrote down everything
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great
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great
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great
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great
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great
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great
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great
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great
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great
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An absolute cracker
It was my honeydew list.
Clerk, attempting to add me to their email list: “Do you have a good email?”
Me: “It’s pretty good but I don’t know that I would brag about it. Thank you for asking.”
Clerk, as everyone around begins to laugh: “I love dad jokes. I need to call my dad”
My daughter tried to fain embarrassment but still tells that story at family gatherings.
Now I can't read anything.
Now I can't read any of it
But now I can't read anything.
Now I can't read it.
Johnny: “3, 5, 6, 1, 8, 9, 2, 4, 10 and 7”
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 0.
Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to see again.
