But Taiwan.
He's going to call it Full Court Press.
Pants.
Crop jeans, crop top.
Turns out, he only does odd jobs.
I said a coffee machine. Most likely be dead tired.
The storeowner clarifies there is no bread available at the moment. So, the duck walks away and returns a few minutes later, asking for the item again.
The storeowner, surprised at the duck returning, says - I already told you, there is no bread here. So, the duck walks away, but returns again minutes later, asking the same question.
Irate, the storeowner replies - I already told you, there is no bread here and the next time I see you, I would nail your beak shut.
So, the duck asks - Got any nails?
When the storeowner says no, the duck asks - Got any bread?
In a werehouse, of course.
The shovel, it was really digging it.
Hey guys! I need help coming up with a really great, punny name for my resin art shop. I sell jars, rolling trays, self defense stabbies, and have plans for many more decorative and useful items to be added soon. The only one I could think of that I don't hate is Gnome Depot. But that doesn't really fit very well with resin art/crafts. Any suggestions are appreciated!
Except when it comes to peas
I call it the 0k boomer experiment.
So we were just sitting together in the living room watching YouTube, when she asked me if I would not mind washing her a Skillet & Turner (Spatula) (I had not done the dishes in a couple of days).
I go into the kitchen and start washing the requested items, when I was hit by the DadJoke bug hard. I finished the task and walked back into the living room.
Me:"Sorry honey, I could only find the flat Tina that you don't really like."
Her:"The flat what?"
Me: (unfortunately here, my slowly escaping grin of anticipation almost blew it for me) "The flat Tina."
Her:"What?!"
Me:"You know, Tina... Turner."
When I asked her about it, she said "I don't wanna taco 'bout it."
I replied.."Any Style".
There was a wide-scale cover up.
to-do lisp
The match.
It was on my bucket list.
A satisfactory.
I'll never go thru the selfie checkout again!
Her: That’s why we are packing (items) now, that way we aren’t rushin around on move in day.
Me: That’s good because I wanna be American on move in day.
The vacuum cleaner, because it sucks!
He couldn’t make a Prophet.
A man goes to an auction , and he’s a big Shakespearean fanatic. One of the items comes up and it’s a pencil that was used by the man himself when writing his sonnets. Authenticated, however, the ends all chewed up. As the man leans in a passerby asks him “What type of pencil is that?” The fanatic thinks for a moment before saying: “I’m can’t tell if it’s 2B or not 2B.”
Me: "No thanks, I'm not much of an athlete. Is it okay if I just pay with my card?"
Aunt Teak.
I just bought a new tv and the box said “built in antenna”... I don’t even know where that is!
...an ogrecoat
I am now a counter-terrorism officer.
It was great, but the bill was enormous.
"Strangers' Things"
I applaud the effort, but given how little space the trucks have in the first place, it seems like there's really not much room for waste to begin with. So, I've gotta ask...
How much food would a good truck chuck if a food truck could chuck food?
I was at the store buying the required items for my grandson when I found out that the company that produces 12" Rulers won't be making them any longer.
For instance, if there was ever two of an item near me that you would obviously only need one of (let’s say a steak knife on the dinner table) he’d point and grin and say “I see you’ve got yourself one for each hand huh? Now you can cut twice as fast!”
But he would do this in every possible scenario and would get a good laugh out of it. Now, me being his son, I do the same stupid joke every single time I get the chance to in life.
As they sit down, the husband offers to go get their dinner. First he waits in line for the roast beef. Then he waits in the line for the potatoes. He he waits in the vegetable line, the bread line, the salad line, and even the gravy line.
He finally returns to the table with two heaping plates of food. “What would you like to drink?” he asks.
“A glass of punch would be nice,” she says. So off he goes to get it. He finds a line for wine, a line for beer, a line for soda, a line for milk, even a line for water. After considering all of his options he gives up and returns to the table empty-handed.
Sometimes there is no punch line.
The broom.
This doesn't reflect well on the protestors
Zebra
I know this isn't strictly a Dad joke, but I feel it is in the spirit of the thing. My dad is getting is getting his leg amputated in January. Essentially he has no cartilage in his ankle, and it causes him severe pain all the time. He has an amazing sense of humor, so I wanted to get him a gift basket of foot-based things. So far I have: -fruit by the foot -Happy Feet -Footloose -an Ihop gift card -pack of tube socks (since now he gets 2 for 1) -Bologna (because his amputation is below knee) -a card saying congrats on the weight loss -all put inside of a stocking
What other foot based pun items would you include in the gift basket?
