The telephone book listing read Suicidal Hotline, which I thought was a typo, so I called it.

The line was dead.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a job listing for pilots who specialize in damaged aircraft, but

It sounded really hard to land

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/smolqueerpunk
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad got me while listing the legislative buildings of several countries. He said, β€œThe US has Capitol Hill, Germany has the Reichstag Building, the UK has the Palace of Westminster...

...and Australia has the Outback Statehouse.”

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2018
🚨︎ report
What does a musician looking for a new apartment do when he finds a good listing?

See flat.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TakaComics
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2017
🚨︎ report
Spotted on the listing of reddit trophies
πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jakeable
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2015
🚨︎ report
I have a list of friends who love palindromes!

Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to put ketchup on the shopping list .

Now I can't read anything .

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ivanshu
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Hired a handy man and gave him a list. When I got home, only items #1, 3, & 5 were done.

Turns out, he only does odd jobs.

πŸ‘︎ 495
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend Poi just told me that when the hospital was filling out her daughter’s birth certificate, they accidentally listed her as a boy.

I guess you could say that girl is Poi’s Son.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OmegaLiquidX
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Nurse: Here is the list of heart, liver and kidney donors arranged in alphabetical order.

Doctor: Thank you. It is very organ-ized.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a magician who loses his magic?

Ian

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MacSteele13
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Still got many things on my bucket list
πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jedrick_Tatum
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
The benefits of beer listed in bullet pints:

🍺 Beer is more nutritious than other alcoholic drinks.

🍺 Beer can help protect your heart.

🍺 Beer helps prevent kidney stones.

🍺 Beer lowers bad cholesterol.

🍺 Beer strengthens your bones.

🍺 Beer helps reduce stress.

🍺 Beer may help improve memory.

🍺 Beer helps cognitive function.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Spine Surgeon to-do list

Get back to work

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Not_obnoxious
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Hired a handyman to do some odd jobs around the house

He did every other thing on the list

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
🚨︎ report
I've just made a list of the top 10 dad jokes I know. The first 9 are alright but the last one is absoutely briliant.
  1. alright
  2. alright
  3. alright
  4. alright
  5. alright
  6. alright
  7. alright
  8. alright
  9. alright
  10. absoutely briliant
πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skycam3014
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a scandal concerning a rich engineer where the list of accusations only gets longer and longer over time?

Elongate

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thatyougoon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Jeff, a semi colon, and an Oxford comma walk into a bar.

They both have a great time.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
πŸš€ β€πŸŒ•Cybertruck Prototype πŸŒ• β€πŸš€

β€πŸš€πŸŒ• ‍ELON TWEET HYPE, BUT WITH LEGIT LONG TERM DEVS . πŸŒ• β€πŸš€
Strap in and get ready to launch.

This was created by a professional dev team of HOGL And BUFFTOWN (Developers of HOGL and Shield) They are dedicating their spare time to launch this as a meme project that will explode. Get in. We’re going to run this long term for listings on both CMC and Gecko.
Cybertruck Prototype has an ambitious core team of experienced Crypto veterans, all working day and night ( I mean this, we actually forced one to stay up well past his bed time while in the voice channel. ) to make sure we get to the moon fast, and safe.

⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ 4.6MM 24Hour Volume⭐️⭐️ ⭐️
⭐️ Market Cap as of typing this 2.3MM⭐️

INCOMING CATALYSTS:

CMC LISTING: Coming soon.

COINGECKO LISTING: Coming Soon

SNL TONIGHT and the CyberTruckPrototype itself being the star of the show in NYC.

This is NOT a P&D. Liquidity is LOCKED, and ownership RENOUNCED.

CONTRACT RENOUNCED:
bscscan /address/0xf340e33aef552c836b4538ba09bbfccd5f42fa17#readContract

⭐️ Contract:

bscscan /token/0xf340E33aef552C836b4538BA09bBfCcd5f42fa17

⭐️ CHART:

poocoin /tokens/0xf340e33aef552c836b4538ba09bbfccd5f42fa17

⭐️ Website
Cybertruck . financial

⭐️ Telegram

t me /CyberTruckPrototypeOfficial

⭐️ Twitter

twitter /officialcybert

⭐️ Reddit
r /CyberTruckPrototype

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lynseahoss
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Holiday to-do list: 1) shoot the family 2) hang the kids 3) frame the wife

$129.95 at JC Penny Portrait and Framing Studio

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sattoth
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I managed to catch all the Pokemon listed under M in the PokΓ©dex

Guess I caught M-all

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Vote4Hitler
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
🚨︎ report
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs

Number 3 will shock you

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LinkRar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I wrote down the names of all the people I hate on a piece of paper, but my roommate used it roll up a joint.

Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.

πŸ‘︎ 20k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
A tattoo artist has a guy come in and get a new mark on an expanding list of hash marks. After a few sessions the tattoo artist asks β€œWhat are you counting?”

And the guy says β€œhow many tattoos I have now”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deepsea333
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Top Dad Jokes list, some of the best ones:

One, ein, un, bat, ekab, moja, wahed, odin, yski

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ice-_-Bear
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a list of puns/bad jokes for every U.S. President reddit.com/gallery/jw48pr
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThackerOpinions
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a five year old's to do list?

A playlist.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/heyadoraX
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
How does Santa organize his list?

He puts it in elf-abetical order.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DoctorMasterBates
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
"Cowbells rinnnng; are ya list'nin..."

-excerpt from my upcoming song "Walken in a Winter Wonderland"

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Did some tasks on the wife’s β€œto do” list;

Wife: (being sweet) thank you! What am I ever gonna do without you?

Me: Everything! Without me, you’re gonna have to do everything on that list.

Wife: groans and rolls eyes

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dasherjim
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I went shopping for my son’s back to school clothes. We went over the list when I got back home.

Shirts? Yup. Pants? Yup. Sweatpants? Yup. Nikes? CHECK!

Edit: Grammar

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WavesNVibrations
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.

I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iambaney
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine was in the band mood but I had a list of 10 puns to try to cheer him up.

But No pun in ten did.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MasterDragonIron
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad joke for Aussies

Why did Yothu Yindi add Dancing Queen , Mama Mia and Waterloo to their play list?

Because they are Abba originals.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrDonKee
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2021
🚨︎ report
A man in a drug trial died from a complication which dissolved his pneumogastric nerve, the coroner listed the cause of death as...

"in vivo lost vagus"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday a man drove his car into a barn full of horses.

He’s listed in serious but stable condition.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2021
🚨︎ report
This joke is beneath you.

I wrote a book about basements.

It made the Best Cellars list! :D

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/capngloval
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Painting my ceiling isn't exactly #1 on my priority list.

But it's up there.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my Spanish girlfriend to make a to-do list

so she wrote down everything

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/klaymens
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
All my friends have such expansive bucket lists.

Mine is just pail in comparison.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I just made a list of my top 10 favourite Dad jokes. The first 9 are great but the last one is an absolute cracker
  1. great

  2. great

  3. great

  4. great

  5. great

  6. great

  7. great

  8. great

  9. great

  10. An absolute cracker

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list...

Now I can't read anything.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me to put ketchup in the shopping list

Now I can't read anything.

πŸ‘︎ 364
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sm-aug
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
My Wife Asked Me To Put Ketchup On The Shopping List

Now I can't read any of it

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JamesiePig22
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me to put Ketchup on the shopping list ..

But now I can't read anything.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnny_Two_Timez
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Before I ducked out to the shops, my wife asked me to put ketchup on the shipping list.

Now I can't read it.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Teacher : β€œCan you list the 10 Commandments in any order”

Johnny: β€œ3, 5, 6, 1, 8, 9, 2, 4, 10 and 7”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I can list every single number that's in Pi.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 0.

πŸ‘︎ 111
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OvertCinnamon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I wrote a book on basements . . . . .

It's on the Best Cellars list

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
🚨︎ report

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