Lightning Bolts Puns

Hot rods

He was grounded

So I said, that's because you have thunder thighs.

It's a current affair.

Actually, maybe not. The end is rather shocking.

Jesus, Moses and an old man go to play golf.

Moses goes first, hits the ball and it goes into the lake. He parts the lake, walks up to the ball, hits it again and it goes into the hole.

Jesus goes next, hits the ball and it goes into the lake. He walks up to the lake, walks on the water, up to the ball, hits it again and it goes into the hole.

The old man goes next, hits the ball and just before it goes into the water, a fish jumps up and swallows the ball. Just before the fish goes back into the water, an eagle swoops down, grabs the fish, and starts flying off with it. Out of nowhere, a lightning bolt hits the eagle, the eagle drops the fish, the fish spits out the ball and it goes into the hole. Hole in one.

Jesus turns around with his hands on his hips and grumbles "if you're just going to show off, I'm not playing with you again, dad!"

I am doing an extra credit project where I am making a "Date Me" page for the Greek god Zeus. Any puns (cheesy or not) are greatly appreciated. Thank you! :D

A man swings his club and fails to hit the ball.

Man: God damnit, I missed.

A nun shakes her head in disapproval. The man swings again and misses yet again

Man: Damnit, I missed again!

Nun: Sir, if you keep on swearing like that, you're gonna go to hell.

The man then laughs and dismisses the nun's comment. He makes one more attempt at hitting the ball, but to no avail.

Man: God fucking damnit!

The sky then goes dark, a lightning bolt strikes the nun, and you can hear a thundery voice say, "God damnit, I missed."

A man was a painter, he sold paint and also painted houses for people. However, he liked to water down the paint and thin it. He would cheat his customers by forcing them to buy more paint than they needed due to the low quality.

One day, while up on a ladder painting a house with his thinned paint a bolt of lightning struck at him and he fell to the ground.

He heard a deep booming voice from heaven yell "repaint and thin no more!"

Did you hear about the Chess Grandmaster who, after he lost a match, destroyed the table with a massive hammer and called lightning bolts down to destroy his opponent's car?

He was banned from future competitions for being such a Thor loser.

The other day he wanted to ask me a math question, "Let's say a lightning bolt strikes a mile long metal train at the very back end. How long until it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he is a good conductor?" He sat there with his mouth open and a bad joke eel smile, waiting for me to laugh.