Found at my local Trader Joe’s.... I mean come on... you laughed... Right?!
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
Wife laughed
Me, reading joke off internet
Wife, rolls eye
Me, sorry I just reddit
Everyone laughed when they saw the way my barber styled me...
But I liked my new hardehardo.
I hate that I laughed so hard at this
When my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scales, sucking in my stomach, she laughed, “Ha! That’s not going to help!”
“Sure, it does.” I said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
When the doctors told me I have cancer I laughed my ass off
they said I have a great sense of tumour
I sneezed and my kids laughed
I yelled, "You think its funny, but it's snot."
They LAUGHED at me when I said I wanted to be a comedian...
but no one's laughing now...
How come no one at the kings table laughed when he farted?
Because noble gases don't cause reaction
I'm technically an uncle, but my niece laughed so...
Did you hear about the Cockatiel that was trying to find a new home for his family? He zipped back and forth everywhere, but couldn't find a good spot anywhere. Then he came across a bear, sleeping flat of his back with his mouth wide open. Not recognizing what it was, he thought the bear's mouth would be the perfect spot for a nest. He gathered his family and they all got to work building a new home for themselves, but then the bear woke up. Realizing what was going on, he politely informed them that he couldn't let them nest in his mouth. He hated to do it, but it was quite the bird den to bear.
They all laughed when I told them that one day I would discover the secret of invisibility.
If only they could see me now.
I laughed it little too hard
bet y’all laughed i’m so farknee haha (someone end me please)
I made a joke about a butcher’s knife but nobody laughed.
I’m mad that I laughed at this
I did it! I told a dad joke that my wife AND preteen daughter laughed at!
Daughter: the dog has a piece of confetti stuck to his butt.
Me: that's because he's a party pooper!
Edit: I can't believe somebody gave me gold for this.
Edit 2: Seriously guys. Quit giving me gold. The joke really wasn't that good.
Edit 3: yes, I have a bunch of kids named Edit.
I got a parking ticket today and my husband just laughed.
He thought it was a fine joke.
I laughed like 30mins at this
My wife laughed at me when I told her I was building a car made of spaghetti..
I came home with a salamander on my shoulder and my son, all excited, shouted, "What's his name!?” Smiling, I replied, “Tiny!" My kid laughed and asked, “What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?”
I explained, “Because...he’s my newt!"
My father always laughed at me when I got shocked playing with electricity
He’d laugh and say, “Son, you’re grounded.”
I told my wife I had the body of a young muscled and sexy man, she laughed real hard and me fun of me
Until she looked in the closet
I told my friends and family a coronavirus joke at the start of quarantine, and no one laughed.
I laughed at the magician when he said he could make the entry way into a container..
Then he left and the door was ajar.
Everybody laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian...
Well, they aren't laughing now.
When my wife said that she wanted to use this quarantine time to get Thinner, I just laughed.
When my wife said that she wanted to use this quarantine time to get Thinner, I just laughed.
She's thinking of "The Stand."
I made a joke about wine in my office, no one laughed
My friend told me a joke about the covering of the iris. Sure, I laughed...
But it was cornea as ever.
Actually a wife joke, but I haven't laughed so hard at a one liner in a while.
Last night my wife and I were talking. We've been married 20 years. She was just laying on me and it can get hard to breathe like that. She noticed I was struggling to breathe and said, "At least I still take your breath away."
I Laughed West At This Pun
I made a bad joke about an axe. No one laughed.
My son asked me, “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?” I said, “Go on, then.” He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” I laughed, “That’s Superman.”
He said, “Thanks dad, I’ve been practicing a lot.”
Ohhh i laughed so much at this dude
My family laughed at my jokes about being in quarenteen...
Thanks! I'll be here all week!
In France, when the honey bee revolution began they broke out a tiny little guillotine for the Queen...but she laughed in their faces.
No matter how much they tried, the guillotine wouldn't work. When the chief executioner examined the situation it was clear why, she had already been "bee-headed"
My wife and kids laughed when they saw me chase a penny which rolled down the drain.
They were having fun at my ex pence.
My 35 year old wife laughed when I said that I have the body of an 18 year old
Until she opened the freezer
Nobody laughed at my joke but I'm proud of it.
I was volunteering today at a vegan grill event for an animal rights group. After only an hour we barely had any grilling to do as there weren't any guests.
Me: This doesn't feel like I'm at a workplace at all, it's actually quite chill. But then again, it's a low stakes environment.
Everyone else: Crickets and blank stares
My friend asked my daughter, "How old is your father?" She replied, "As old as me!" He laughed and asked, "How can that be?!"
She reasoned, "Well, he didn't become a father until I was born."
Laughed way too hard at this
I don't know why but I laughed at this for like 5 minutes
I asked my mom what she would think if a white dude was rockin dreads and she went “that’s dreadful.” we laughed for a good minute.
My mother always laughed at me when I told her my dream was to build a car out of spaghetti.
You should of seen her face when I drove pasta
My son asked me, “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?” I said, “Go on, then.” He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” I laughed, “That’s Superman!”
He replied, “Thanks dad! I’ve been practicing a lot!"
They all laughed when I told them that one day I would discover the secrets of invisibility.
If only they could see me now.
I made a bad joke about an axe. No one laughed.
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